“Then I guess it’s a really good thing Jensen was here to help nurse you back from those pearly gates,” Farah teased.
Before I had a chance to shift away from their chosen topic of conversation, my phone pinged and the screen lit up with some social media notification.
Silence descended over the room as they both stared at the picture of Jensen and Brantley on my phone until the screen went black again.
“Um . . .” Farah dragged out.
“Still want to claim there’s nothing going on?” Poppy asked.
There was no point in denying it any longer, not after they’d seen the picture, so I did what any mature adult woman would do. I fell to my side, stuffed my face in my bedding and groaned dramatically.
“Oh God. I’m such a freaking mess,” I whined as I rolled to my back and flopped across the mattress like a starfish.
“All right, drama llama. Just calm down.” Poppy took my wrists and pulled me back up, propping me against the pillows. “Just relax and take a breath. And maybe explain why there’s a picture of your ex and your son as your screen saver.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why,” I admitted, looking down at my hands as I tugged at a loose thread on my sheet. “He sent it to me earlier when he picked Brantley up from his Mother’s Day Out class and I just saved it. I don’t know why I did it.”
“Don’t you though?” At Farah’s question, my head lifted, my eyes going to my sweet friend. Farah had been through so much before she’d moved to town, more than any person should ever have to endure, and she’d come out of it stronger than ever. I respected the hell out of her for not only surviving but thriving.
Sometimes I envied her strength. In comparison to what she’d suffered, my little heartbreak wasn’t much of anything, yet I’d let it define me. I’d let it consume every single piece of me until I was so mired down in it I couldn’t pull myself out. She’d moved on and started a new life. I’d hit the pause button on mine and never restarted it.
“You know, there’s nothing wrong with not hating him. There isn’t a single person in your life who would fault you for forgiving him.”
I arched a brow. “I’m not so sure about that.”
She read my meaning and smiled. “I know from experience that big brothers can be serious pains in the ass. But when it comes to things that are important, whether they agree or not in the beginning, once they see you’re happy, they eventually come around.”
Her big brother, Jase, had been just as overprotective of her as Stone was with me, only he went about it differently. After her trauma, he’d all but wrapped her up in bubble wrap and treated her like porcelain. It had taken a while, but he eventually got over it. Now he was happily married to Poppy and so obsessed with his wife he didn’t have time to be a pain in Farah’s ass anymore.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what would make me happy. I’m working on forgiving him, hell, I think I already have, but I can’t forget how I felt when he left. I don’t think I’d survive it a second time.”
“But what if he doesn’t leave this time?” Poppy asked.
“Everyone leaves,” I said in a small voice.
“I haven’t. Farah hasn’t. Your aunt and uncle haven’t. All the people in this town who love you are still here, babe, and we aren’t going anywhere. You’re so wrapped up in trying to protect yourself that you haven’t opened your eyes to see we’re all here for you. You can play the what-if game all you want, but at the end of the day, you can’t turn your feelings off. If you still care about him, lying to yourself isn’t going to change that. The hurt will still be there, only you won’t have any of the good memories to soothe the sting because you never took a chance. All that does is make it hurt twice as much, honey.”
“It’s not like that between us,” I argued, the lie making my voice weak.
“All right,” Farah said, giving her head a resolute nod. “If you say it’s not like that then we believe you. But just so you know, we don’t think it wouldn’t be bad if it was.”
With my house spotless and my friends gone, I’d had time to sit back and dwell on everything they’d said. I thought so hard about it that even sexy Rip doing ranch work on my television couldn’t distract me.
By the time I heard Jensen’s truck pull into the driveway, I was almost feeling like myself again, and the war that had been waging between my head and my heart had come to a standstill. I knew which way I was leaning, but I couldn’t let myself fully go there, at least not yet. Not until I got answers to some very important questions.
Throwing back the covers, I climbed out of bed and padded down the hall to the living room just in time to see my boy come barreling through the front door. “Hey kiddo. You have a good day?”
“It was the best!” he shouted, running over and slamming into me, his little arms squeezing my hips in the tightest hug. Man, but my boy gave good hugs. “I got to hang out with Dad at his work. Laeth said he’d show me how to hack into computers when I get older, and Gage said he’d teach me how to do a chokehold when I turn six!”
I shot a panicked look at Jensen, only breathing a sigh of relief when he gave his head a tiny shake telling me he wouldn’t let his buddies teach my kid to be a felon. “Well, that’s . . . um . . . cool?”
“Super cool!”
“I’m glad you had fun, baby. Go drop your stuff in your room so we can eat, yeah?”
He was down the hallway before I finished my sentence, and when I turned to Jensen, I had a brow arched in question. “Computer hacking and chokeholds? Really?”
He moved deeper into the house. “Don’t worry. I won’t let any of that happen. But just in case it ever does, you should know they’d also teach him to cover his tracks so he’d never get caught.”
“Oh, well then it’s totally fine!”
He let out a laugh and held up the large paper bag he’d been carrying. “I got you manicotti from Mangiamo. And cannoli for dessert. That’s still your favorite, right?”
Oh man! The hits just kept on coming. Even if I’d spent the entire day steeling myself against my heart and body’s reaction to him, it wouldn’t have done a damn bit of good. My defenses were worthless against his thoughtful gestures.
“Uh, y-yeah. It’s still my favorite.” Although, I hadn’t eaten there in a really long time because I was broke as hell most days.
“Good. Then I’ll plate it while you get drinks.” He started by me on the way to the kitchen, but stopped to bend his neck and and press a kiss to my temple before whispering, “You look a lot better, honey. Glad you rested up.”
I stood frozen in place with my eyes squeezed shut for several seconds as the smell of his cologne filled my nostrils, making me lightheaded. It had been a barely-there touch of his lips, a small kiss that didn’t hold any heat whatsoever, but the skin at my temple felt like it was on fire, and that burn made a quick path through the rest of my body before centering right between my thighs. It took a monumental effort, but I somehow managed to shake myself from my stupor and get us all drinks while Jensen dished up a meal that smelled incredible.