But she decided to put him out of his misery about one problem before moving fully onto the next. “I believe you, Reese. I don’t think you would do anything to hurt me.” The relief she saw wash across his face had her heart aching.
“Good, because I’d rather cut off my own arm than ever hurt you.” He took another step closer.
Her chest clenched tighter, harder. Her heart hurt even more. He stopped right in front of her but didn’t make a move to touch her. She didn’t think she could have handled it if he touched her, not with her tremulous emotions. She would have said forget the reality of their situation. She would have fallen into his arms and begged him to be with her.
“God, the thought that I almost lost you, that you wouldn’t be in my life….” He shook his head, that anguish in his expression back full force, as if the very thought of not being with her was too much to even think about. “I can’t explain why people do the things they do, why they want to start shit and rumors, destroy something good in people's lives, but fuck them. They don’t know what we have. They don’t know how I feel about you.”
She couldn’t help it. She started crying.
“Keira, baby, I swear that everything will be okay. We are stronger than this, than everyone who wants to ruin us because they don’t think we should be together, because they want to fuck up and ruin what we have.”
She shook her head slowly. “Reese, this is bigger than the pictures or rumors or speculation.” She stared into his eyes. “This is about us and what we are… what we would be to each at the end of it all.”
“I don’t understand.” His voice was strained.
After exhaling roughly, she felt that weariness settle in. She didn't want to end things. She loved him. But it had taken this moment to understand they really couldn’t be together. They had two separate lives. She was going in one direction, and although they’d never talked about those kinds of plans, she knew he was going in another. She had college after graduation. She had that to focus on. If this one thing could break her so much, how was that healthy? For either of them?
“I just need some time to think, to figure out what I’m doing.”
His stare was void of any kind of emotion, like he was staring right through her.
“Maybe all this was a sign or something.” She sighed.
He still had yet to say anything else, and she felt the weight of his silence surround her.
The truth was, she didn’t want time, didn’t want any space between them, but all this drama made her realize they didn’t really know each other.
You just need to go to him, embrace him, and have him tell you everything will be okay. Yes, that was exactly what she needed to do, because her thoughts were wild from her emotions, and she couldn’t possibly be thinking clearly. Things will be good, right?
Before she could make a move, he was speaking.
“You need time to think…” He let those words hang between them before he looked away, and for several long, agonizing seconds, he didn’t move. When he faced her again, he said, “You believe me, but need time, and you think this may be a sign?”
She exhaled roughly and nodded, but it was weak at best.
“So that basically means you’re just giving up on us?”
Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. Everything was unraveling right before her eyes, and it was like someone had stolen her voice.
“You’re giving up on us?” he asked again, his voice stronger, his expression hard as anger started morphing his features.
“No, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m just trying to be realistic.”
His chest rose and fell harshly. “I care about you, I...” He stopped before he finished, closed his eyes, and she watched him take a deep breath in. He opened his eyes and she saw… nothing. No emotion. “I don’t want to hurt you or stop you from thinking things through. I’m a patient guy. I have all the fucking time in the world when it comes to you.” He cleared his throat. “The truth is, I don’t deserve you. I never did. But I was a lucky bastard that you became mine. This is just the way I figured—feared—things would go. I knew you’d realize I was trash. I was just waiting for that other shoe to drop.”
“Reese—” Before she could get any other words out, she found herself in his arms, his lips on hers. This kiss felt like… closure.
Then he was gone, moving away from her, getting in his truck, and leaving.
Her knees threatened to buckle as she watched him drive off.
She felt Alex move up behind her, felt his hands on her shoulders, giving her the silent support she needed. She wanted to bring Reese back, to tell him he wasn’t trash, that he deserved her as much as she deserved him. She wanted to tell him she’d never wanted anyone or anything more than him.
She wanted to tell Reese she was in love with him.
But instead, she turned around, gripped onto her brother, and cried into his chest.
32
The last weeks of school for seniors had passed quickly, and during that time, Keira hadn’t seen much of Reese. The times they did cross paths, he never looked at her or spoke, despite her wanting him to pull her in and embrace her every single time.
When she did attempt to speak with him, because she didn’t want things to be this way, he was distracted, flippant even.
It was her fault he felt the need to give her “space.” He was taking it literally, as in no contact.
Graduation had come and gone, yet she didn’t feel any kind of excitement with the prospect of starting a new chapter of her life. Reese hadn’t even walked for his diploma, even though she knew he’d had honors.
The pain she felt at the thought of him not being there, of him not accepting such a great accomplishment all because of her, had her regretting so many things. She wanted to go to him, to tell him the things that seemed bottled up inside her, that she’d made a mistake. Time wasn’t making things easier. In fact, it was so much harder.
He consumed her thoughts, night and day, and all she wanted were his big, strong arms wrapped around her. She’d kept the majority of her feelings to herself, only speaking with Molly and Ian about a little of what she felt. It was too personal, too hard to say the things she felt out loud.
She sat on her bed and stared out the window. She couldn't see much aside from the clouds, but it didn’t matter what her focal point was. All she thought about was Reese.
“Keira, you aren’t even listening to me.”
Keira looked to her side. Molly had come over to talk about classes she’d be taking when she started school. But Keira hadn’t been able to focus on anything her best friend said.
“I know you’re thinking about him,” Molly said softly. “You’re always thinking about him.”
She exhaled. It was the truth.
“Why don’t you just go talk to him?”
She slowly shook her head. “He’s avoiding me. He’s giving me time like I stupidly asked for.”
Molly was silent for a second before saying, “Why didn’t you tell me you’re in love with him?”
Keira closed her eyes and shifted so she was now on her back. “That obvious, huh?”