"Fuck, I miss you. How can I miss you when you're right here?" He holds me close for a second. Then he releases me. Stares into my eyes with a look of pride and affection. "You're really sure?"
"I've never been more sure."
"Then you're on."
I'm not sure.
I'm not even a little sure.
The needle is enormous.
It's going to hurt. I've been here enough times to know that. I've heard enough low grunts to be sure.
"Damn, Luna," Holden leans against the wall, not at all reassuring. "That's a lot of shading. It's going to be a bitch."
"He's been trying to sweet talk me for the last twenty minutes." Daisy shakes her head. She holds up her arm. Marvels at the temporary tattoo on her skin. "A lot about how I can handle it."
"You can." He squeezes her hand. "You can handle a lot, baby."
Oliver cringes. "One more word and you're leaving."
He didn't mean it like that. It's sex on the brain.
Although it is Holden. Maybe he did.
According to Daisy, he is massive. Sure, she was a virgin. She didn't have a frame of reference.
But I trust her take on it.
And I—
"Don't move." Oliver presses his palm into my shoulder, pinning me to the chair. He's not doing it as some kind of role play. Or because he's going to fuck me. Or make me wait as he strips.
We're not going to fuck in this chair.
Or in the office.
Or on the counter.
Or at all. Until Daisy is back at Berkeley.
I'm not here to have my way with him.
I'm here because this is really happening.
Oh my god, it's really happening.
"Are you sure?" Daisy's gaze flits to the needle. "It's forever."
"I know," I say.
"And it hurts," she says.
"Like a bitch," Holden adds.
"Don't scare her," Daisy says.
"You're scaring her," he says.
"Am I?" she asks.
"A little." My gaze shifts to Oliver. "But I'm sure. I've wanted this for a long time. I know. The way I know I love you." I blow her a kiss.
Oliver pins me to the chair. "Don't move."
"He likes to get bossy," Holden says. "You should know that. Being here so often."
"Go easy on her," Daisy says.
He shakes his head. Releases my shoulder. Picks up his tattoo gun. "You ready?"
I nod.
The machine turns on with a loud buzz.
Fuck. My eyes press together. I don't have to ask him to count me down.
He does it.
Three, two—
Bam.
I know he's going to do it—all of the guys here play the same trick—but it still takes me by surprise.
Fuck.
There's a needle against my skin.
Marking me forever.
Stabbing me too many times a second.
It does hurt. But it's bearable. I squeeze the chair with my free hand. Close my eyes.
Oliver mumbles something.
Daisy whispers a reply. "After I sleep all afternoon, we're going to marathon some TV tonight."
"Yeah?" My voice is weak. Too focused on the needle on my skin. The whir of the air-conditioning. The low grumble of the music.
Grunge.
Of course.
Not Nirvana or Pearl Jam. Some other band that was huge in the '90s that barely exists today.
Fuck.
"Of course," Daisy says. "I've already asked Holden to bring four bars of chocolate."
"You do errands for her?" I ask.
"I'll do anything for her," he says.
"Don't continue. I want Oliver to do this right," I say.
Ollie just grunts. He's focused on his work. The needle jabbing my skin. Leaving a permanent mark.
I can't check his expression.
I can't look.
It's already too—
"We need something really trashy," she says. "Dawson's Creek level. But new."
"The new season of Riverdale is supposed to be trashy perfection." I try to focus on potential shows. There are so many. Teen soaps rule the world. "And we never finished Gossip Girl."
"Which is the one with the bad boy and the cute blonde?" Holden asks.
Daisy laughs. "They're all the one with the bad boy and the cute blonde."
"So there are a lot of people to thank. Better get writing." He whispers something in her ear.
She whispers back.
They're adorable.
It's sickening. And sweet.
"The bad boy in Riverdale isn't even that cute," Daisy says.
"He's like a discount Oliver," I say.
"Without all the tattoos," she says.
"And way shorter," I say.
"I'm not hearing a lot about how beautiful I am," Holden says.
"You know, you really didn't finish going on about Luna's beauty," Daisy says. "Maybe I should."
"Do." The stab of the needle calls my attention. It's more a dull ache now. I'm used to it.
"Tall, with those amazing shoulders. You really wear a halter," Daisy says. "You wear everything, really. You have such an amazing sense of style. You always look like a badass."
"You always look adorable," I say.
"I thought this was going somewhere dirty," Holden says.
"You did not." Daisy laughs.
"That's all the black." The needle stops. Oliver leans back. Switches pads of ink. "You okay?" His eyes meet mine.
I barely nod.
"You're almost there. You've got it." His is steady. Reassuring.
I believe him.
Even so, when Daisy offers her hand, I take it. I squeeze her so hard she yelps. But she doesn't ask for release.
She stays there, watching her brother work, watching that needle mark my skin again and again.
Until, finally, it stops.
The buzz ceases.
The pain ends.
My heart thuds against my chest. It's right there. The lyrics from my favorite song. Beneath a flame.
There. On my arm. Forever.
My message to the entire world: I'm a fucking forest fire.
Some people think it's too much, but I won't apologize for it. For demanding a lot, wanting the best, standing by my convictions.
"I love it." My eyes find Oliver's.
He's beaming with pride. Too much. Enough to give us away.
But I don't care. "It's perfect, Ollie. Thank you. It's…"
"Still can't move." He pins me to the chair again. "Not until I clean you up." He nods to Daisy. "Give us ten, okay?"
She nods, sure. Squeezes my hand one more time. "It is perfect. You." She shoots Oliver some kind of look, but I can't see it.
I'm too in love.
I know there are risks around the corner.
I know I'm already being stupid.
But I can't bring myself to care.
Chapter Forty
Oliver
Usually, it would irritate me that most of Daisy's attention is on her boyfriend.