Neither option was comforting but the latter had my stomach in knots.
I pointed my car toward the grocery store. It was a sad state of affairs that my idea of freedom consisted of perusing the aisles but I just couldn’t stand the thought of heading straight home. Eating my feelings felt like a solid solution at the moment.
When my phone rang just as I was pulling into the parking lot, Cash’s name flashing on the screen, I knew Tatum had snarked on me, the rat.
I ignored the call, knowing I was pushing my luck as I bolted into the grocery store like the fugitive I was, grabbing a cart on my way.
I was deliberating between Oreos and vanilla wafers when a firm hand cupped my backside, squeezing firmly. “I should spank your ass.” Cash’s voice was low and heated as he pressed up behind me.
I couldn’t hide my audible intake of breath, surprised at how much I liked the idea of a spanking.
“You like that idea?” Despite his frustration, his tone betrayed his interest as he turned me to face him, my back pressed to the cart as I stared up into his gorgeous blue eyes. “I’m killin’ myself trying to keep you safe and you decide it’s a good time to buy cookies?” he demanded, hooking a finger toward the desserts I’d been perusing.
“It’s not about the damn cookies,” I shot back. “And you didn’t have to come.”
His gaze shot to where my hand was splayed on my hip in defiance, his brow tilting in what I recognized as an oncoming challenge.
We didn’t fight much but whenever we did, for some reason, you could always cut the sexual tension with a knife. It was no different now.
His large hand cupped my waist, pulling me closer. “Oh, I’ll be comin’. As soon as you wrap that sweet mouth around me when I get your ass home,” he murmured, his gaze locked on my mouth.
“You are such an ass,” I hissed, despite his words lighting a fire in my belly.
He took a step back, assessing me with his arms crossed at the chest. It occurred to me then that we were putting on quite a show in the middle of the grocery store as a woman paused near us, staring at the cereal for far longer than was necessary.
Cash’s eyes shot in her direction and narrowed. “Fuck this,” he grunted, taking my hand and pulling me toward the exit and across the parking lot. He didn’t stop until we reached my car. He spun me to face him, pressing my back into the car, stepping in close, caging me in.
“Why don’t you tell me what this is really about?” he demanded.
I stared at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Layla,” he pressed.
“If you don’t want me anymore, just come out and say it.” My tone was flat as I pushed the painful words past my lips.
His hand cupped my face, forcing my chin up. When I met his eyes, they were full of incredulous anger. “What the hell are you talking about?” he growled.
His anger ignited my own.
“You’re gone all the time. You won’t tell me anything. What the hell else am I supposed to think?” I demanded.
He pressed in closer, his nostrils flaring. “You’re supposed to think that your man is doing everything he can to take care of his family. That I won’t rest until that happens. Jesus Christ, Layla.” He stepped away, ripping a hand through his hair in agitation. “How could you fucking think this is all for anything but you? For Riley?”
The conviction in his words and the torment on his face that I’d ever think such a thing had relief and confusion sweeping through me in equal measure. If it wasn’t another woman, and I’d never thought it truly was, then why was he keeping me in the dark? Why the secrecy?
“All what is for me?” I demanded. “I have no idea what you’re even talking about. Because you haven’t told me anything! Goddammit, Cash, I’m not some delicate snowflake!”
“You think I don’t know that?” he countered. “You’re strong as hell. But you’ve also had to be. I want to take that off your shoulders, baby. I know you can fight for yourself, but I want to be your shield.”
He was so utterly sincere, so impassioned in his plea, that my anger melted away, replaced by understanding. This partnership, the family we were building, it was new to him. Hell, it was new for me too. I pictured a beautiful blond-haired boy with striking blue eyes bouncing from home to home with no one truly looking after him. My heart broke at the thought.
“You are my shield,” I assured him. “But I’m also yours. And I know you have your brothers and you all look out for each other, but this”—I gestured between us—“this is different. This is you and me and Riley and whoever else may come along. This is your family.”
He cocked his head, his eyes alight with an awareness I hadn’t yet caught on to. “Whoever else might come along?” he practically purred.
My cheeks heated. I hadn’t even realized I’d said that.
His hand splayed across my hip, pulling me closer. “You sayin’ you gonna give me a baby?” he rumbled. “Chief?” he pressed when I still hadn’t formulated the words to reply.
“The thought has crossed my mind,” I admitted. And it had. Though I thought of Riley as my own, I’d always wanted to be pregnant. And the idea of expanding our family, of having Cash’s baby, made something in me practically vibrate with want.
“It’s more than crossed mine,” he replied, surprising me. “The image of you round with my baby, my ring on your finger, makes me harder than stone. Never wanted anything more in my life.”
“Really?” I couldn’t hide my surprise.
“Really,” he confirmed. “So how about this? I’ll tell you what’s been going on. I admit I should have—I thought I was doing right by you, but clearly my chief doesn’t want to sit idly by,” he added with affectionate exasperation. “And how about we make things official and have the same address?”
“The same address?” I asked in confusion.
He chuckled at my confusion, his eyes shining with a joy I loved to see. “Yeah, babe. How about I stop paying rent on a place I haven’t slept in since we met. How about we make a home together where we raise Riley and put more babies.”
I buried my face in his chest, clutching the fabric of his tee, overcome with emotion. “Yeah,” I managed, my voice a muffled whisper.
He pulled me back, tipping my chin to meet his gaze. “Didn’t catch that, Layla.”
He wanted my eyes. “I said yes,” I confirmed with a grin.
He stooped slightly, both hands spanning my waist as he touched his forehead to mine. “Can’t wait to hear those words on another ask, baby,” he murmured.
My heart pounded triple time but not with fear. “Yeah,” I repeated.
“I’m gonna take you out tonight.” He swept my hair back from my face. “Back of my bike. Boys will watch the house. We’ll get the rest of my shit from my apartment tomorrow. Seal the deal.” His mouth quirked deliciously.
“Is it safe?” I asked worriedly.
“I’ll make it safe,” he promised.
And I knew he would.
****
“Are you sure?” I asked Em for the tenth time that evening as she and Riley sat at the kitchen table painting their nails with Gunner looking on from the couch.