“And you told him?”
“Immediately. In a way, I was relieved. I’d been stunned when he told me he’d gotten fixed. How were we going to have kids in the future if he’d had a vasectomy? Yes, he had children with Linda, but I was going to be his new wife and I wanted kids.” She scoffs at herself. “When I told him I was pregnant, his first reaction was to grin, so I thought he was happy. Then he literally patted himself on the back and said he still ‘had it.’”
Just when I’m convinced Reed couldn’t be any worse, she proves me wrong. “What an asshole.”
“And I really didn’t figure that out until I asked him what we were going to do about Linda, his divorce, our future… He looked at me as if I was an idiot and told me he wasn’t planning on doing a damn thing. He would leave Linda on his timetable, not mine. Then he said he’d been trying to figure out when I’d catch on to the fact that I was just a convenient hole. He’d enjoyed getting me pregnant, but he had enjoyed knocking up more than one of his assistants in the past, too. He, Byron, and some of the other managers even had a betting pool on me, and he won because he’d managed the feat so quickly. But he didn’t want me anymore, especially since he hated fucking pregnant women. And he’d never loved me anyway. It probably sounds stupid, but I was shocked.”
“Not stupid. Horrifying. Calling him an asshole is too nice.”
“You’re right. But I was still gaping and reeling when he told me I should consider our time together a life lesson, that I should think more critically and be far less gullible before I climbed between the sheets with someone else. And, by the way, I was fired. If I went quietly, he would give me six months’ severance and pay me for the rest of my unused vacation time. If I thought about doing something silly like hiring a lawyer, going public, or telling my dad who’d fathered my baby…well, he already had an insurance policy. About a month prior, he’d asked me to grab the office’s petty cash fund and stash it at home because, according to him, someone had been stealing from him. I did what he asked, and he made sure the office surveillance captured me ’stealing’ so the police and the public would know I was accusing him of inappropriate behavior in the office to sling mud and cover my tracks.” She folds her hands together. “Apparently, he’d run this same scam on several of his other assistants. It always worked.”
I can’t even understand Reed’s depravity and I don’t want to waste time trying. Instead, I take her hand in mine, doing my best not to betray the depth of my anger. “I don’t even have a word low or filthy enough to call that man. Really, if he wasn’t already dead, I’d be hard pressed not to hunt him down and pull the trigger myself.”
“Thank you for taking my side, but it’s hard not to feel like the blame is half mine. I wanted so badly for the shimmering future I could picture with him to be real that I gave myself easily, made excuses, and overlooked obvious red flags.” She sighs. “So trust is hard for me now. I especially have a hard time trusting myself.”
And that’s the biggest problem. She wants to believe we have a potential future, but she’s afraid to take that leap of faith. I still sense hesitation. Shit. I can’t push her. I won’t. She has to want this enough to overcome her fears, and she has to believe in us enough to take a risk. I learned from Ellie that a relationship is no good if only one person wants it.
“I understand.”
“You’re not going to tell me how stupid I was?”
“For being young and naive? No. You went to him openly and honestly—”
“Blindly.”
“You have to forgive yourself for that. If you want to Monday-morning quarterback this thing, sure, maybe you should have seen the signs sooner. But the truth is, you shouldn’t have had to. A grown-ass man should never have defiled a child, then strung her along for years before plotting to ruin her life and wash his hands. The fact he didn’t give two shits about his own son or daughter you were having is just the cherry on top of his shit sundae.”
“Oh, he offered me money to terminate the pregnancy. If I did, he’d write me a glowing recommendation for a future job. He had friends in all the right places, if I wanted to provide the same level of…service he was accustomed to. Suffice it to say I told him to shove his offer up his ass and slammed my way out of the office. I never saw him again.”
Wishing I could inflict more violence on this fucking scum-sucking shitbag doesn’t do anything to help the pensive woman in front of me barely holding back tears. Instead, I squeeze her hand. “Mandy, baby…”
“I expected that to be the end of it. I left Reed Financial that day, resolving to find another job as soon as possible and have my baby on my own. I devised a stupid story about a one-night stand with consequences for my dad and my brother. But the truth came out a couple of months after Oliver was born, when Barclay got arrested. My family dynamics have been a mess since.”
I can only imagine. If they’re blaming her—and at least Douglas Lund seems to be—they’re idiots. But right now, my bigger concern is Mandy. “Are you still going to therapy?”
She nods. “It hasn’t been easy. Celeste, my therapist, still thinks I blame myself more than I should.”
“From what I’ve heard you say, I agree.”
“I’m still trying to reconcile it all in my head, but I’ve made a lot of progress.”
I bring her closer. “Good. But I hate that you believed his lies. He had to know what you were thinking.”
“About our future? He did. He never corrected me, just hauled me back to bed. So…I’m a train wreck. I haven’t had sex in way too long, and you’re the only other man I’ve ever kissed. Aren’t you sorry you ever thought you were interested?”
“Don’t try to deflect me with sarcasm. I’m still interested.” And I hate that she’s mentally flinching, giving us both an excuse for me to walk away before I’ve even had the thought to. “It’s going to take something far worse than the truth to shake me off, baby.”
Her smile is one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen, and more precious because I know it’s real. “Why are you so understanding?”
“Did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re just used to a complete asswipe, so any normal guy seems like a saint?”
“No. I’ve met plenty of perfectly nice guys, too. Bruce, for example. Not interested.” She hesitates. “Couldn’t trust him. I tried, but…no. You? I trust. I’m still trying to figure out why.”
Just like I’m trying to figure out why I want Mandy so much. Not just sexually, though god knows that as we’re both basically sitting here in our underwear, I wouldn’t mind laying her back and making love to her. But I don’t know where her head is, and I need more time to process everything she’s told me. Though I’m not deciding about us. I’ve already done that. My heart knows, as crazy as that sounds.
I tuck a pale strand that worked free from her braid behind her ear. “Maybe we’re both doing something we should have done years earlier. We’re listening to our gut.”