“I didn’t... that’s not...” He pulled at the collar on his sweater. “That came out wrong.”
“Relax, Rexy boy. I’m secure enough to not give a crap about your stellar opinion of me.”
“Asher, I didn’t...” He released a heavy sigh, running a hand down his face. “You really love her, huh?”
I looked at the guy, really looked at him. He’d only really migrated into Mya’s group last year, but I’d been around Rex enough times to know the dude had confidence issues.
“Have I ever given you or the gang reason to think I don’t?” My brow arched.
The ‘gang’ was tight. They looked out for each other, hung out a lot, and shared the highs and lows of their emotionally demanding course. And until today, I’d never really questioned my position among them. But in less than a couple of hours, Mya had suggested that I didn’t have to tag along, and now Rex was acting like I didn’t belong.
Not how I saw the beginning of semester going.
As if she heard my thoughts, Mya glanced over at me and mouthed, “You good?”
I nodded, because I wasn’t about to let Rex, or anyone else for that matter, know how I really felt.
Maybe I should have taken Diego up on his offer after all.
Faith took the stage and we all clapped. Aside from Hailee and Felicity, she was Mya’s best friend. Freshman and sophomore year, we had hung out with her and her ex-boyfriend a lot. It had been nice, having another couple on campus to do things with. But Faith and Max had broken up before the end of sophomore year and that was that.
“Hey everyone. I’m Faith and this poem is called Freedom...”
Freedom is the power to breathe. To live and grow and feel.
Freedom is the power to speak. To think and consider and be.
Freedom is the power to love. To ask and give and hold.
You told me you loved me, but you hurt me the most. You took all that freedom and stripped it from my soul, leaving me weak and ruined.
You gave me your word, you promised me the world... and then stole it away in the blink of an eye.
Freedom is the power to change. To realize I’d become who you wanted me to be. Not who I needed to be.
Freedom is the right to say no. To protect my heart and body and soul and refuse to submit.
Freedom is the me saying I’m done... you don’t get to hold all the cards anymore.
I’m free.
And you’re no one.
The room was silent, the pain and passion in Faith’s words rippling in the air, making it thick and heavy. She was Mya’s friend, not mine, but it didn’t take much to figure out she was talking about her ex. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I knew Max. I’d witnessed them as a couple: saw the way he’d loved her, the way he’d made her laugh. He’d wanted more and she hadn’t. That’s what Faith had told Mya, so the fact she was standing up there, publicly dissecting their relationship, and making him sound like a possessive asshole, left a sour taste in my mouth.
From the earsplitting applause she received, it was apparent no one else agreed with my assessment of her poem.
“Holy. Shit. Girl,” Mya said, “that was awesome.”
“I’ve been feeling inspired.” Her twinkling gaze landed on mine and she narrowed her eyes. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone, as she lapped up the praise from her friends.
“Rex, help me get the drinks in?” Faith crooked her finger at him, and he went willingly.
Mya slid into his seat and looped her arms around my neck. “What did you think?”
“It was... a little harsh.”
She reared back, confusion clouding her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, babe. She made Max out to be a complete asshole.”
“It wasn’t necessarily about Max.”
“It was so about him. She dumped him, and yet she stood up there making it sound like he was some possessive narcissist, which we both know couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Huh. I guess I didn’t think about it like that.”
“He wanted more, and Faith freaked.”
“It’s just slam poetry, Ash. You don’t need to get so upset over it.”
“I’m not upset,” I sighed, running a hand over my head. “I just think it’s a little unfair.”
“You know what she’s like.” Mya brushed her nose over mine, stealing a kiss. “She’s all for girl power and independence.”
“And making her ex out to sound like a total asshole apparently,” I grumbled.
“It’s their business. Who are we to say how someone should or shouldn’t feel? Max was a good guy, but he was kind of intense, always glued to her side. I guess she felt smothered.”
“Is that what earlier was about?” I asked, the chips falling into place with a resounding thud.
“What?” Mya’s gaze widened.
“When you said I didn’t have to come tonight. Did Faith say something to you about me?”
“I...” Mya let out a small breath. “Not exactly,” she admitted. “She’s just in a weird place and wants to make the most of her newfound freedom.”
“So she did say something to you?”
Un-fucking-believable.
“She didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Did you?” My body vibrated with a sense of impending doom. I couldn’t really explain it, but I knew this wasn’t going to end well. Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t let it go.
“Asher, stop... this is silly.”
“I don’t think it is,” I said.
First Mya, then Diego and Rex, and now Faith’s stupid poem.
“Do you feel smothered by me?” Before I could stop them, the words spilled from my lips, and Mya’s breath hitched.
“Where is all this coming from?”
“Answer the question, Mya,” I ground out. The chatter and laughter went on around us, but it barely penetrated the roar of blood between my ears.
“You’re being ridiculous.” Her gaze went over my shoulder. “They’re coming back. Please don’t make this into something it isn’t.”
But the seed was planted, and I couldn’t shake the feeling, I wasn’t really welcome here tonight after all.
Standing, I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I’m going to hang out with Diego and the guys. I’ll see you back at the apartment later.”
“Leaving so soon?” Faith shot me a smug look.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I guess it wasn’t my scene after all.”
And then I got the hell out of there.
Mya
“I should go after him.” My chest constricted as I watched Asher walk away from us. He’d been so upset, so weird over Faith’s poem.
But then, I’d screwed up earlier.
I’d seen the dejection in his eyes when I'd suggested he didn’t have to come.
God, I should never have said anything. We always spent Sunday together. And I loved it. But Faith was in a weird place and Asher was a lot like Max. When he loved, he loved with his entire being. It had taken some getting used to, being the center of his universe, but I never felt smothered.