“What do you want?”
He steps inside, despite not being invited. “To see you.” His gaze locks on my suitcase full of clothes. “Where you going?”
I close the door and lean against it. “I’m leaving town.”
And all the fucked-up memories behind.
He nods in understanding. “I get that.”
I open my mouth to ask what he means, but then he says, “I chose to go to prison so I could escape.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Did it help?”
“No.” He holds my stare, his expression growing grim. “I thought about you and the baby every second of every day.”
His words send a pang of agony through me and I can’t help but flinch.
I don’t even know if it was a girl or a boy.
I never got to hear the heartbeat.
Or hold them.
“I don’t know how I can grieve something so much when it never even existed.”
And just like that, something sharp and raw unhinges inside me and the tears I was trying so hard to hold back stream down my face like rain.
Oakley wraps his arms around me.
“Our baby existed.” A low, painful sound leaves him and his voice catches on the last word.
My fingers curl into the folds of his t-shirt as a guttural cry leaves my lips.
He runs his hands up and down my spine, gripping me tighter. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I allow myself to breathe in his warmth and comfort for a few moments before I push him away.
“I know you are…but I still can’t forgive you.”
I can’t forgive myself.
He cups my tear-stained cheeks, forcing me to look at him. “I don’t want your forgiveness. That’s a burden I would never put on you.”
“Then what do you want from me?”
His thumb glides over my damp cheekbone. “I just want to make sure you don’t blame yourself. Because it’s not your fault.”
He’s wrong. So fucking wrong.
“I was the one who chased after you even though you told me not to. I never should have gotten in your car. I never should ha—”
“Bianca, stop.” Sorrow and remorse flicker in his eyes and he punches his chest. “What happened was my fucking fault. Mine. Not yours…not anyone else’s.” He thumps his chest again. “Mine.”
His statement only makes me feel worse, because taking the blame doesn’t fix anything.
I close my eyes as another swell of pain engulfs me.
Everything was perfect between us.
We were in love. We were happy.
Until one night destroyed it all.
And I don’t know how I’m supposed to get past any of this…because the only thing I can see when I look at him now is all the pain he caused me…
And the baby we’ll never have.
“Look at me,” he rasps. “Please.”
When I do, he says, “You’re gonna meet a man who deserves you. And when the time is right…you’re gonna have his babies. You’re gonna be the best mom—”
“Stop talking,” I scream because he doesn’t get it. “I don’t want anyone else’s babies. I wanted yours.”
But that will never happen.
Because he got drunk and high and destroyed our lives.
Oakley tries to speak again, but I don’t let him.
“Get out.”
I shove him when he doesn’t move quick enough. “Get the fuck out.”
He starts to walk away, but pauses.
I’m about to yell at him again, but his eyes fall on my suitcase and he wraps his pinky around mine.
“Don’t leave me.”
The despair in his voice cuts into my skin like a knife.
I point to the door. “Get out.”
The moment he’s gone, the excruciating hollow feeling in my chest is back again.
Only this time…I don’t think it will ever disappear.
Chapter 68
Oakley
“What are you doing?”
I stare up at Bianca’s angry face. “Good morning.”
Hands on her hips, she glares down at me. “You slept in the hallway?”
Not exactly. I tried to, but the hardwood floor made that shit impossible.
Sitting up, I rub the knot in my neck. “Depends what your definition of sleep is.”
She groans. “You’re crazy.”
I prefer to think of it as determined.
Stepping over me, she huffs, “You better be gone by the time I get back.”
I stand up and chase her down the hall. “Where are you going?”
I hear her growl under her breath as she hikes her purse up her shoulder. “To class.”
Good.
Because if she’s going to class, that means she’s not leaving.
That she hasn’t given up on me just yet.
“See you later, baby girl.”
She flips me the middle finger. “No, you won’t.”
Grinning, I zero in on that pert little ass of hers as she walks away.
Yes…I fucking will.
Chapter 69
Bianca
As if Oakley camping outside my room last night wasn’t enough, I find my brothers hanging around my dorm after classes are over.
Plastering a sugary sweet smile on my face, I root around my purse for my keys. “Look, last night I said some things that were really mean.” I stick my key in the lock and open it. “And I just want you to know…that I stand by all of it.”
I go to slam the door in their faces, but Jace wedges his foot between it and the frame.
“Let us in so we can talk.”
“I’m not interested in talking to you.”
“Fine,” Cole says. “Then let me in so I can apologize.”
I scan his face for signs he’s trying to play me, but don’t see any. “You can come in.”
Jace tries to walk in after him, but I poke his forehead with my finger. “Not you, dipshit.”
I firmly plant my feet, blocking him from entering.
Everyone knows Jace doesn’t apologize and I’m not interested in hearing his bullshit excuses.
Cole opens his arms wide and circles my dorm room. “And just like that, I’ve been upgraded to number one brother.”
I glare at him. “I wouldn’t go that far. You still owe me an apology.”
“Goddammit, Bianca,” Jace grumps. “Let me in.”
“That’s the thing about being a grown woman. I no longer have to do what you tell me to.” I tap my chest. “I get to decide what’s best for me. Not you.”
“I am letting you make your own decisions,” Jace argues. “For instance—we both know I can easily pick you up and move you out of the way, but I’m not.”
Yeah, I’m not amused.
Spinning around, I focus on Cole. “I sure hope you grovel better than he does.”
Cole digs in his pocket, pulls out his wallet, and holds up a hundred-dollar bill. “How’s this for an apology?”
He’s got to be kidding me.
“You can’t bribe me, dumbass.” I swipe the hundred and tuck it into my bra. I’m angry and hurt. Not stupid. “Keeping the truth from me was wrong.”