“I’m so happy for you.” And I am. Sometimes it’s weird to see Trent as a happily married, one-woman kind of man, but if anyone was going to tame the wild beast, it was Lexi Marx. “You’re living the dream.”
His smile dims a little, and he stares at his beer, spinning the glass in slow circles. “Yeah.” Only, by his change in body language and the way he won’t meet my eyes, I’m not sure that’s true.
“Hey.” I reach across the table and place my fingers on his arm. “Everything okay?”
He meets my gaze, his eyes a little misty, and shrugs. “We’ve been trying to get pregnant.” He sighs, and for that reason I don’t immediately congratulate him on the decision to start a family. There’s no joy in his demeanor and my stomach twists with dread. “For a while now, actually. But it’s . . .” He shakes his head, swallowing thickly and bringing the beer to his lips for a long drink.
“I’m sorry.” It kills me too. Trent and Lexi would make amazing parents. I think of all the people with unwanted pregnancies, or those bringing children into the world without the means or emotional competency to raise them. It’s just plain unfair when biology doesn’t cooperate with someone who wants to be a parent. “What about fertility specialists?”
“Yeah. It feels like we’ve met with every one under the sun.”
“That’s not easy.”
“No, and it’s expensive as fuck. Seriously, don’t know how people afford this. We have the resources, but shit, a few years ago? Doesn’t matter anyway. Nothing’s worked.”
“Have you guys considered a surrogate, or is that not an option?”
“My swimmers work fine, thank you very much.” He tries to joke, but I know Trent, and this has to be killing him.
“Your manhood was never called into question.” I roll my eyes.
It brings a slight smile to his lips. “I don’t know. All the options aren’t things we ever thought of or planned for, you know?” He taps the sleek wood table top. “And we get our baby fix with Opal and Leighton’s little dude. I’m sure Austin and Jayla will start popping out babies soon enough, if Sean and Jess don’t beat them to it.” His brave face can’t hide the hurt. It’s got to sting watching his bandmates starting families.
“Have you thought about adoption? There are a lot of older kids in the system.”
“You mean we can skip the diaper phase entirely?” His eyes crinkle with his joke. “Sign me up.”
“Obviously, you’d need to discuss it with Lexi.” I drag out my words and give him a pointed stare. “But it’s something to consider. Or foster care. There’re a lot of kids in the system who would be lucky to be welcomed into your home.”
“Yeah.” He nods, his shoulders straightening. “I’ll talk to Lexi. It wasn’t on the table before. We were really hoping, you know, but plans change.”
“Family is what you make it.”
“Damn straight.” He lifts his beer and drains it.
Our server comes by bringing steaming plates of food, and our conversation turns to lighter subjects. My time in Brazil. Austin and Jayla’s wedding. It feels good to reconnect and I appreciate the well-timed distraction. If I were home, I’d be fist deep in a gallon of double chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and fighting off memories of Isaac.
“Okay, spill.”
“Huh?” I lift my gaze from where I’m stabbing what’s left of my kung pow chicken.
“I shared all my vulnerable shit. It’s your turn. What has you off tonight?” He stares pointedly, studying my reaction. His brows rise. “Shit. It’s not your sister?”
“No.” I shake my head, not wanting him to worry for no reason. “She’s good. Mom’s good.” I suck in a breath and hold it a second before releasing my exhale. I didn’t plan on telling anyone about Isaac, but might as well have it out. “There’s this guy.”
Trent’s brows lift and he nods. “Continue.”
I laugh, though there’s no humor in it. “I thought we had something, but it doesn’t matter now because he’s obviously not that into me.”
“How do you know?”
“We had a date the other night,” I say, waiting for Trent to motion for me to continue. “He stood me up.”
He winces. “Shit. I’m sorry, Cora.”
“Don’t be.” I exhale, releasing a little disappointment with my breath. “Wasn’t meant to be. But that’s okay. I can’t complain. My life is good. My career is more than I ever imagined. My mom and sister are set, and every day I get to wake up and do what I love. That’s enough.”
“Hey, of course, it is.” Trent leans forward on his elbows, his brow furrowed with concentration. “But just because your life is awesome, doesn’t mean you can’t wish for more. There’s no limit on goodness.” His words strike a chord of emotion, the meaning relevant for us both.
I shrug and smile. “Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”
“Fuck that.” He shakes his head. “You deserve better.”
My jaw falls open at his choice of words.
“What? Don’t act as if it’s so absurd. You’re one of the most kind and generous people I know. Fun, cool, and fucking funny when we’re not discussing serious shit. You should share that with someone, and he’s out there.”
“Where? Where is he? I spend all my time on movie sets, and memorizing lines in my trailer. All the good guys are already taken. The rest are all players and cheats. You know that’s true.” I level him with a stare that begs to argue but Trent doesn’t interrupt so I keep going. “Maybe it’s just not meant to be. I’m already thirty-two, which I know isn’t old, but a few more years and I’m pushing forty. I’m running out of time if I want to start a family. If I want to have a life outside acting.”
“Then put yourself out there more,” he suggests, as if it’s so simple. “Take some time off. You don’t have to work back-to-back projects like you’ve been doing. There’s no expiration date to being successful at your craft. And don’t give me the bull crap excuse about being too old. Take your own advice. Age has nothing to do with this, and there are many ways to make a family.”
“It’s not easy to have something normal when you’ve hit this level of fame.” I sink back into my seat, feeling more than a little defensive. I can’t go to a bar. I can’t flick through profiles on a dating app. It’s my reality. “You know that.”
“News flash, Cora. Normal people get their hearts broken too.” Trent takes a sip of his beer and laughs. “Doesn’t take being a famed actor to meet an asshole. They’re everywhere.”
“He hurt my feelings.” I blurt out the truth. “When he stood me up.”
Trent nods, listening.
“Because I already started to think we could be something.” I pick up a napkin and twist it around my finger, needing to do something with my hands. “More. I don’t know. It sounds foolish when I say it out loud.”
“If he doesn’t respect you, he’s not good enough.” Trent’s protectiveness is appreciated, but his words don’t settle right.