Finally preparing to eat more of her grilled cheese, Maddie looked across the table at me and asked, “So, I’m fairly certain I have a good grasp of what you were thinking during the first hour of class, but you seemed to have a different experience in the second hour. What was it like for you, having me up there…” she peeked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping and then lowered her voice to a whisper when she said, “naked?”
“I liked it,” I said, smiling mischievously because I knew that wasn’t going to be close to enough for her enquiring mind. She wanted to know me as deeply as I was looking to know her.
She had picked up her drink to take a sip and, in response to my answer, she slammed it down on the table and the root beer inside the glass sloshed around. “Oh, come on, Luke. Give me more than that. You were so different in the second hour. In the first hour, you were like a drooling fool—”
I interrupted her, “You mean, I was like an adonis in the prime of his manhood.”
“Yeah, that’s it, a sex-crazed gerbil,” she smirked. She was so fucking beautiful. She was in a maroon hoodie with her hair tied in a messy blue knot on the top of her head.
“Good to know we agree on this point,” I said with a straight face and she snickered.
“Anyway, you were hot to trot in the beginning, but then you were so focused. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you draw like that.”
“Yeah, you should definitely give me handy before class all the time,” I teased. “Does wonders for my concentration.”
She threw her napkin at me. “Come one, I’m being serious,”
“Sorry,” I smiled. “You’re right. You’ve never seen me draw like that. I’ve never seen me draw like that. At least, not that I remember.”
She bounced in her seat, giddy with excitement, “Can I see them?” she asked. “Your drawings?”
I wasn’t one of those people who never showed anyone my art. Like I told Maddie on our first date, I’d always drawn pictures anywhere and everywhere, but since starting this class, I kept my sketches to myself. It was my first real art class and I didn’t want to invite any criticism just yet. I was literally awake at night worrying about the student exhibition that was the culmination of our class because I didn’t know if I was good enough. Honestly, I didn’t think Maddie would judge me, but I’d also never drawn someone the way I was drawing Maddie. I wasn’t ready yet.
I stumbled, trying to answer her, “I… um... Maddie, I…”
She threw her hands up defensively, “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t. She was disappointed, I could see it in her eyes.
She continued, “You don’t have to show me. I get it. It’s personal.”
I wanted her to actually get it but I wasn’t sure how to explain. “It’s not that exactly. I’m just not ready. I promise to show them to you first, you can even help me pick which ones are in the class exhibition. It’s just right now they aren’t finished and I don’t trust myself as an artist and it’s like this part of me that feels vulnerable. I don’t know that I can capture you, that I can do you justice. You’re just so beautiful, Maddie. You’re this giant vibrant life and I’m just a rancher pretending to be an artist.”
“Okay,” she said, seemingly happy again. “But I bet they are good, your sketches.”
“You just like me,” I smiled.
“Well, yes, but also all the other students were looking at what you were working on.”
That was a surprise, “They were?”
She nodded.
“Are you sure that wasn’t during the first half of class, the part where my raging hard-on was bursting out of my pants like it was reenacting that scene from Aliens?”
She laughed. God, I loved making her laugh.
“I’m sure,” she reiterated.
“Maddie?” I asked. “I was thinking. I’d like to draw you more.”
“What do you mean?” She looked at me quizzically.
Suddenly, I was nervous. I wanted her to let me draw her whenever I wanted. “I mean, I was wondering if you’d let me bring an easel to the house and if you’d maybe pose for me?”
“Do you want to draw me like one of your French girls, Jack?”
“Titanic, really?”
“Come on, it’s a spot-on reference. And also, clearly more current than Aliens.”
“He dies in the end.”
“Maybe I’m a praying mantis.”
I laughed. “I think it’d still be worth it.”
She took a bite of her grilled cheese.
“So, will you? Pose for me?” I asked again, needing verbal confirmation.
She looked at me, looked hard. And then she said, “I think I will.”
12
Maddie
Luke carried his art supplies inside in two trips. He was quiet and acting a little jittery. Once everything was inside, he asked, “Where should I set up?”
“That’s up to you. Where do you want me?” I winked.
“Umm...” he pulled off his cowboy hat and scratched his head. “I should have thought about it. I didn’t think about it. Maybe we can move the coffee table and you can lie on the couch?”
Not buying it. He thought about it maybe a little too much. “Sure, the couch is fine.”
“I think the contrast would be good. The green against your skin.”
Definitely thought about it. “Okay.” I smiled. “Whatever works. Do you need anything?” I asked. “A glass of water?”
“I’m good. Also, I kinda know where everything is, Maddie,” he smiled.
“Right.” I shifted in place. It occurred to me that I was being a little odd too.
“I guess I should…” I pointed to the couch, not sure what to do with myself.
“If you want.” He smiled. “I’ll just be right here, getting set up.”
“Yeah, okay.” I started to walk in the direction of the couch. He stepped towards me. Pulled me in and hugged me, burying his face in my hair.
“I’m nervous,” he said quietly. “I need to kiss you. I didn’t kiss you when I got here, did I?”
He hadn’t. I shook my head. He tipped my chin up with his hand and gently fluttered his lips against mine. It was a sweet kiss. The kind of kiss that says you mean something to me. The kind of kiss that is begging for meaning in return. I kissed him back just as gently and with just as much meaning. I was falling, fast. With our foreheads pressed together and our eyes closed, we both took a deep breath.
When we broke apart, I headed for the couch again. This time, he smacked my ass. I giggled and posed like Betty Boop, with my ankle lifted and my hand over my mouth in a feigned gesture of innocent surprise. It was a little moment, but one that was more normal for us than the weird nervousness he walked in with.
I sat on the couch with my hands tucked under my knees. Watching him situate his easel, I felt strangely shy. Laying naked before him on my couch felt a long way away from sitting posed before the classroom. There was a certain clinical nature to modeling for a room full of art students. As the model, you were bathed in the classroom’s collective consciousness, their unified belief that you were a thing of beauty, elevated above sexuality. But being naked alone with Luke was different. On an average day, I was dying to be naked around this man. For the record, there were literally multiple instances where I had pulled off my clothes before we could get the door to the house closed. But, there was something about this moment, something more exposed. When we were being sexy together, our focus was sexy time. When I was modeling in the class, the focus was the art form. But tonight, when I stretched out on my own couch, I felt like the focus would be on me.