I heard Karen yelling at Deacon from my hiding spot on the far end of the dock, dragging me out of my thoughts and back to reality. She sounded beyond pissed, making me feel better. At least something good had come from my scene. The smile on my face in the reflection of the pond couldn’t be more out of place mixed with the desolation coursing through my bones. When everything else fell away, the only strains of noise that reached my ears were the faded sounds of music in the distance.
While I sat there, knees pulled up to my chest and my forehead pressed against them, I finally let the tears fall. Even after the chaos and destruction faded, my heart still raced against my chest. My head throbbed with the feeling of needles stabbing themselves into my skin with every passing second. The small breeze picking up off the pond didn’t do much to ease the turmoil raging through my veins.
I’d fucked up. Again. As the tears continued to trickle down my cheeks, the aches and pains from my encounter with Leroy grew until I couldn’t ignore them. My knuckles stung; they’d be a constant reminder of my stupidity over the next week. The adrenaline that kept me from breaking down before vanished, and, in its place, regret flourished. Regret that I’d most likely ruined my career as a teacher.
That wasn’t even the worst part about the whole thing. Nope, that honor belonged to the fact that I lost control. Yes, Leroy grabbed me, threatened to kill me, and I’d completely lost it. One hit to his throat is all it’d taken to get him on his knees. From there, all I had to do was use my momentum and the badass right hook my brother made sure I grew up with. After that, everything became a blur. The unmistakable crack of his nose breaking hadn’t even been enough to drag me out of my rage-filled stupor.
“You really screwed the pooch on this one.”
Luckily, there wasn’t anyone around to hear me talking to myself. Although, with the way my life had been going lately, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least.
I unfolded myself and laid back, closing my eyes and silently absorbing the warmth from the fading sun. Fresh air blew across my skin, giving me goosebumps, and, with my eyes still closed, I ran my hands up and down my arms before putting them behind my head. Peace seeped into every single one of my pores, until all the tension from earlier vanished in the same way the adrenaline had.
Occasionally, the creaking of the dock as it shifted in the water disturbed my silence, but as I started to drift off, even that faded until I couldn’t hear it.
“Dad told her to leave.” Rett plopped down next to me out of nowhere.
My heart jumped, and it took every muscle in my body to keep from jumping up and falling off the dock in surprise.
“Go away ...” I muttered despondently with my eyes closed. “I’m hiding.”
For a six year old, Rett was way too observant for my liking. I almost told him that, too. Instead I kept it to myself.
“No,” he answered before laying down next to me and curling into my side. “Mrs. Zucker didn’t like it, and called him a bad word.” He rolled his eyes and leaned against my shoulder. “But Dad said she had to go. That no one ever got away with treating you like that in his world. She yelled a lot, though. It was funny”
I wrapped my arms around the boy that had grown into too much a little man for my comfort. Silently, I sent a prayer to whoever was listening to keep him young, just a little longer. Someday, the world would chew him up and spit him out, and my heart ached with the thought that he’d lose any of his innocence.
“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday, buddy. I didn’t mean to cause trouble.” Apologizing to him hit me in the gut. Of course, during the moment, I hadn’t thought about ruining Rett’s birthday. After, though, I felt like a complete jackass.
Rett sighed, a lot like the world hung around his neck, reminding me of the way his dad looked when something bothered him. He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek and then punched me in the arm.
“A kiss because you’re sad. And a punch because you’re acting like a baby.”
I opened one eye and glared at him with my best teacher look, but he wasn’t even watching me. Rett was staring at my hands with the strangest expression on his face.
“You didn’t ruin his party.” I turned and rolled my eyes when I saw Deacon standing there, looking like the world’s least-scary biker. “He’s gonna have a legendary reputation by the time he goes back to school tomorrow.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me pointedly. “I can’t say the same for you, though.”
Rett moved over so that his dad could sit on the dock with me, his leather vest stretched taut across his shoulders when he pushed between me and his son.
“You don’t know that.” I sat up and leaned against my big brother’s shoulder. “I’m probably gonna get fired.”
“So what?” Deacon laughed shortly. “You were defending yourself. If they fire you over something ridiculous like that, they don’t deserve you. That school’s bullshit anyways. Do you remember the time Mr. Rosen tried to fail you in fifth grade, because you forgot your homework? I thought Mom was gonna beat his ass.”
“Mr. Rosen sucked,” I sniffled.
“I’m gonna go clean up.” Deacon shoved off the dock a moment later, unable to take the quiet. “Stay around. I’ll have one of the guys take you home.”
When he was gone, I smiled at Rett. “Wanna cause a distraction so I can sneak away?” The smile on his face told me he’d be thrilled, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Figured you would.”
I couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to get a ride from one of Deacon’s men, and I sure as hell didn’t want to hear anyone tell me that I’d fucked up. Besides, even if Deacon didn’t want to say it, I knew I had and the damage I’d done wouldn’t just be swept under the rug.
Idly, I ran a hand along the scar on my stomach, and wondered when my life would get back to normal. It’d already been two years since the accident, and there were still times, like earlier, when I felt like everything was out of control.
I didn’t have long to think about it, though, because Rett’s high-pitched scream filled the air a few seconds later.
“BEAR!” He screeched at the top of his lungs from the trees in the distance. “There’s a bear!”
I don’t even know how he got all the way across camp and into the woods in mere minutes since I’d asked him to cause a distraction. I wasn’t sticking around to ask, either.
While literally every single adult left milling about ran in Rett’s direction, I snuck away. My car wasn’t blocked in, thankfully, or I’d be shit out of luck.
On the way home, I stopped for tacos. Who in their right mind wouldn’t stop for tacos after the day I had. So, when I got to the speaker and ordered more food than any normal person could eat in one sitting, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would be judged, and judged hard for my order. Good thing I didn’t care what a teenager thought about the fact that I’d ordered two party packs of soft tacos, and ten of the shredded chicken quesadilla melts that I loved so much.
“Oh, hey, Miss James.” Henley, one of the first students I had taught in sixth grade almost five years before, smiled at me from the drive-thru window, looking nothing at all like the twelve-year-old boy he’d been before. “Are you having a party?”