His expression remained blank, his voice calm and steady, but I knew he was hurting. I could feel it. I wanted to reach out and hold him. I wanted to show him that I was there for him, but I didn’t move. I was too afraid that he might start putting his walls up again. We sat there in silence for several minutes before he finally said, “They became my new foster parents. They were good people. Really good people. They were patient with me and loved me when no one else would, but because of that, they lost their daughter and I lost my first love.”
“How did you lose her?”
“She was going bowling with some friends and asked me to come with them. I wanted to, but I had to work. They ended up going without me and got hit by a drunk driver.”
“Oh, Noah, I’m so sorry.”
“She should’ve never died. It was my fault.”
“How can you say that? It wasn’t your fault.”
“You’re wrong. If I’d been driving, then they wouldn’t have been hit by that fucking drunk driver. The car wouldn’t have been ripped to shreds when it went flying down that embankment.” His voice was riddled with anguish as he continued, “Lindsey wouldn’t have been thrown from the car. She wouldn’t have broken her neck, severed her spine, or suffered inoperable brain trauma. I would’ve been careful, made sure nothing happened to her or her friends, but I went to work instead. Figured I’d make it up to her, but I never got that chance.”
“Noah, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. It wasn’t your fault. There’s no way you could’ve known what was going to happen.”
“Maybe not, but I should’ve been there to look out for her.” I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Ada over Noah. She’d mentioned that he’d suffered a great loss, but I had no idea how much he’d really been through. I thought his anguish ended there, but then he said, “I joined the military to try and escape the misery but only ended up finding more.”
While he’d only told me a little about his time in the service, I knew enough. My heart ached for him. The man had been through so much. I wouldn’t have blamed him for shutting down completely, so I was surprised when he looked over to me and said, “I’ve lost people I cared about, people I loved, and it nearly broke me. I’ve spent years trying to piece myself back together, and I’m still a fucking mess. But I am who I am. Not promising I’ll ever be able to change, but for the first time in a very fucking long time, I want to try.” His blue eyes pierced through me as he continued, “I want to try for you, Remington. I want to be the man you need me to be.”
Overcome with emotion, I reached for Noah, wound my arms around his neck and pulled him close, hugging him tightly. “I didn’t think it was possible that anything good could come from all of this, but I was wrong. I found you.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he just sat there and held me against his chest. There were so many things about this man that got to me, but the feeling I had when I was in his arms surpassed them all. After several long moments, he released me from our embrace, then looked down at me and said, “You know, you still haven’t answered my question.”
“No, I guess I haven’t.” I reached down and took his hand in mine. “I can’t really explain why, Noah, but I’ve always trusted you. From that first night when you came up to me at the strip club, I just knew, and even now, after finding that guy locked up in the office, nothing has changed.”
“Good.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he reached over and lifted me into his arms. He carried me inside the house, and we spent the next few hours making love. When we were both completely spent, I curled up in the crook of his arm and rested my head on his chest. It was at that moment I realized I was falling in love with him. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I guess there was some truth to the old saying, Love isn’t something we go out and search for. Instead, love finds us, and when it does, it can be the best thing that will ever happen to us. It certainly was true for me.
Feeling more content than I had in my entire life, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I wasn’t sure how long we’d been napping when Noah’s phone started to ring. He quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed it out of his jeans pocket. After what seemed like a two-second conversation, he hung up, then looked over to me and announced, “You need to go pack your stuff.”
“What? Why?”
“We’re going back to the clubhouse.”
As I watched him start to dress, I asked, “And why are we doing that?”
“Remington, go pack your bags.”
I wanted to push him for a reason, but I could tell by his tone it wasn’t the time. I let out an exasperated sigh as I tossed back the covers and grumbled, “Fine. I’ll go pack.”
I wrapped the sheet around me, and as I started out of his room, he reached over and popped me on the behind with a smile. “That’s my girl.”
“You’re gonna pay for that, mister.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
While I had no idea why we were going back to the clubhouse, I was actually looking forward to it—not only for a change of scenery, but to see some of the brothers again. I liked Doc. He’d been so good to me, and I’d enjoyed the short time I’d spent with Rafe and Country. They were Noah’s brothers, and I wanted a chance to get to know them better. Viper, on the other hand, worried me a little. When I was in the infirmary, he’d made it clear that he wasn’t happy about my being at his clubhouse, but I hoped those feelings had changed.
After I finished gathering my things, I cleaned up a bit, made both beds, and finished putting the dishes away in the kitchen. By the time I was done with everything, Noah was already packed and waiting for me on the front porch. He was leaning against the railing with his duffle bag at his feet, and I could tell by his expression that he was about to drop a bomb on me. Dread washed over me as I asked, “What?”
“You’re not gonna like it.”
“Just tell me.”
“Alfonzo has to come back to the clubhouse with us.”
“Who’s Alfonzo?”
He motioned his head towards the office. “The guy you freaked out over.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Got no other choice.” He stood up and walked over to me. “I can’t leave him here.”
“And what if he tries to hurt me again?”
“He won’t.”
“But how can you be sure?”
“You said you trusted me.”
“That’s not fair,” I argued. “You’re using my words against me!”
“Well, it’s true.” He slipped his arm around my waist. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, Remington. You’ve got my word on that.”
“Okay, fine.” I sighed. “I won’t fuss about him coming with us, but I’m not going to talk to him or even look at him.”
“Understood.”
After he grabbed our bags, I followed him down the steps. When reached the SUV, I was surprised to find that Alfonzo was already secured in the back seat. I quickly turned to Noah, looking for some sort of explanation, but all I got was a shrug. Grumbling under my breath, I opened the door and hopped in the passenger seat. I’d never felt so uncomfortable. One of the men who’d hit me, kicked me, and eventually, stabbed me and threw me in a dumpster was sitting right behind me. Sensing my unease, Noah placed his hand on my thigh and lightly squeezed it. I gave him a slight smile, letting him know I was okay, and then we were on our way.