Home > If I Never Met You_ Deliciously(55)

If I Never Met You_ Deliciously(55)
Author: Mhairi McFarlane

‘Oh, definitely,’ Jamie said. ‘The faking has to be over.’

As she walked to the shower, feeling stirred up, Laurie thought: well damned if I know what almost putting his tongue down my throat was about, then. Rotter. She disliked the fact she had a little ache, a pulse of envy for this unknown woman. Oh to be loved like that again.

 

 

30


‘Alright, this is huge. You’re no longer giving me the “just fooling around”, line,’ Bharat said, ‘You went to his home town and met his parents?! For the weekend? What the hell? Should I buy a hat?’

Bharat insisted they buy pastries as an alibi to get a table in Starbucks and stay for a fifteen-minute catch-up. ‘We’ll buy Di’s foul eggnog latte at the end, so she won’t spot it’s gone cold.’

Manchester was in full swing winter, lights on Deansgate, the bloody Slade song starting to peal from shop doorways.

‘I can’t go into any detail without betraying confidences but can I say, there was a purpose for the trip. It was … circumstances driving it, not necessarily a massive urge to take things up a notch.’

They’d left yesterday with foil packages of leftover food from the party foisted on them, extracted promises from an uneasy Laurie to return soon, and Jamie’s mum indeed wailing: ‘We didn’t get the photo albums out! Wait wait, Laurie, you have to at least see this.’ She disappeared off and returned with a photo of a stark naked toddler Jamie in a cowboy hat, on the driveway, poking his tongue out defiantly.

‘Oh MUM,’ Jamie said, turning scarlet, as Laurie mimed covering her eyes.

‘Nice penis,’ Laurie whispered as they got into his dad’s car.

‘I will hate you forever, you vile bully.’

Laurie had to fight to keep her voice level when chatting with Eric on the way to the station.

The train ride had zoomed by, as they discussed Jamie’s long-range career plans – pro bono work in Chicago’s ghettoes. ‘You are such a clichéd hipster, don’t use your pulling lines on me!’ Laurie said – and listening in on the hungover students playing Cards Against Humanity on the table across the aisle. When they embraced warmly at Piccadilly, Laurie’s heart had felt full and her life felt wholesome.

‘Were they alright, his parents? Are you going to get engaged? Is the sex off the CHAIN?’ Bharat said, sipping his cappuccino.

Laurie counted the answers off on her hand: ‘Yes very, no lol, and what, staying in his parent’s spare room?’

Bharat gurgled.

‘It’s great to see you upbeat again. After what happened with Dan it was obvious you were destroyed,’ Bharat said, adding hastily: ‘I mean, you didn’t make it obvious, but I could tell. He’s not who I’d have predicted putting a smile back on your face in a million years, but I’m glad he has.’

They went different ways as Laurie was due in court, a first hearing for a public order offence. For once, for the first time she could think of since the benders of her twenties where she still thought she could cane it on a Tuesday night and work a respectable Wednesday, she was winging it slightly. She had to admit, there was more preparation she could’ve done, but her weekend was hectic and she wasn’t in the mood for her caseload on Sunday night. She’d had a long bath, red wine and thought about Jamie Carter’s inviting mouth a bit too much.

So, Laurie flunked it. She didn’t flunk it in a discreet way. It was a flamboyant flunking, in grand style, as she’d forgotten to follow up on an alcoholic client’s alibi that he was in a boozer across town when the fighting was occurring.

‘Your Honour, the pub the defendant has identified in his witness statement closed down some three weeks prior to the night in question,’ said Colm McClaverty, prosecuting, nobody’s fool anyway.

‘Could you shed any light on this discrepancy, Ms Watkinson?’ said the magistrate, over his reading glasses.

‘Your Honour, I … was not aware that this was the case and ask for an adjournment while I …’

Laurie desperately shuffled papers and cringed, while there was a banging of gavel. Colm gave her a ‘them’s the breaks’ shrug. If Laurie had done her due diligence, she could’ve got her to client to 1) think harder about which pub it was or 2) advised him to plead guilty, because he was likely knackered.

He’d raised that alibi in interview and Laurie had totally forgotten to follow it up. She got back to the office in a light sweat, giving silent thanks to the Lord that Salter and Rowson were out of the office for the next two days on some sort of bosses’ retreat jolly.

At least if she had to pick a time to screw up, this was the one.

Her phone rippled with a WhatsApp from Dan wanting a chat: ‘Are you free this afternoon?’ and Laurie thought, oh, piss off. I’m not having a toilet day made worse, you can wait. The scan showed it’s twins or something, did it.

Two hours later, Diana said: ‘Er, PSA, Dan and Michael have marched Jamie Carter into the War Room.’

‘Oh my God, FIGHT!’ Bharat said. ‘A duel over your honour!’

‘What?’ Laurie said, ‘About what?’

‘I don’t know but … what are the chances?’

Laurie got up from her seat and said: ‘Right, I best …’ she couldn’t immediately finish the sentence. ‘Find out.’

What should she do?

As she neared the door, she could hear raised voices.

‘You know exactly what I mean,’ she heard Dan saying, ‘And we’re putting you on notice that we see you.’

‘You’re head of civil, last I checked,’ Jamie’s voice, ‘How would you have the first clue?’

‘Look you’re a slippery little fucker, that is a known fact,’ Michael now, ‘We can’t appeal to your better nature so instead we’ll try self-interest, which you have in spades. If you don’t stop interfering with Laurie, then we’ll go in to see the bosses and tell them we think you’re harming her professionally. On purpose.’

‘“Interfering”?! She’s not a child!’

‘Yes, I mean she’s older than your usual type, I’ll give you that.’

Laurie swallowed hard and opened the door, to see the three of them stood in a circle, Dan and Michael bearing down like a pair of CID heavies with a prime suspect they liked for at least two manslaughters.

‘Hi. Is this anything I should be involved in?’

There was a tense silence and Jamie said: ‘Well? Doesn’t Laurie deserve to know what you’re saying about her?’

‘The quality of your work’s fallen off a cliff,’ Michael said to Laurie. ‘It’s one shit-up after another, lately. Everyone’s noticed.’

Laurie spluttered. ‘I’ve had one or two results that haven’t gone my way, that’s all.’

‘I just saw Colm and he said they’d noticed now unprepared you were,’ Michael said. ‘He said it’s gone from “we hope we don’t get her defending” to “we hope we do”.’

‘Oh my God, that is standard dick-swinging rubbish, the hazing they do constantly!’ Laurie said, stung all the same.

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