He’d be the first.
Damn that, he’d be her only.
Oh, Lord, what if he hurt her?
What if she cried?
Panic gripped him.
“Perhaps some champagne, then?” he suggested, darting from the room the moment she nodded. Ludo hurried through the bedroom and flung open the window to retrieve the champagne bottle he’d left there to chill. He slammed the window shut again before the room grew cold, but a merry fire blazed in the hearth and it was warm and welcoming. He eyed the bed with misgiving.
Don’t be a bloody fool, he cursed. Anyone would think you were a bloody virgin.
Idiotically, he wished that he was. He wished he could redo the past and make it so he wasn’t the man he’d become, but then he’d never have met her. Stop it, he scolded himself, clutching at the cork of the champagne bottle. Have a drink and calm down, for the love of God.
“What a cosy room.”
Ludo leapt from his skin as he heard Bunty enter the room, and the cork flew from the bottle with a resounding pop.
Champagne gushed from the neck and Bunty gave a laugh and snatched up the glasses he’d left on the dresser, placing first one then the other beneath the torrent. Well, he hoped that was the last of the humiliations in store for him this evening and not an omen. If not, he’d best just throw himself from the window and have done with it.
“And you call yourself a rake,” he muttered crossly.
“Pardon?”
“Would you like some cake?” he said in a rush, improvising wildly and hoping to God there was some.
“No, thank you, this is splendid,” she said, raising the glass.
Ludo watched, fascinated, as she licked her lips, and everything south of his navel grew taut.
Oh, God.
Please let him get through this night without making her cry or shaming himself.
He only prayed that some forgiving deity was listening with a kindly ear and did not seek to make an example of him. Well, in that case… it looked like he was on his own.
Chapter 4
“Wherein… a wedding night.”
London
December 9, 1820
Bunty looked up to find Ludo watching her intently. Their eyes met and he cleared his throat, turning away and going to the fireplace to stoke the fire which was burning merrily and did not appear to need his attention. She frowned. If she didn’t know better, she would have said he was nervous.
Pffft. Nervous?
Lustful Ludo the Libertine?
Hardly.
Yet she did not know how else to account for his behaviour. Unless, of course, he didn’t desire her? The thought made her stomach clench. Oh. She’d just assumed, after the way he’d kissed her, that… but perhaps bedding someone was another thing entirely. Or perhaps he’d gone off the idea, or….
“What’s wrong?”
Bunty jolted, a little alarmed to discover he was standing so close to her.
“N-Nothing,” she stammered, and then changed her mind. If this marriage was going to have the slightest chance of succeeding, they must be honest with each other. “Well, actually, there is something….”
His face fell and he looked so utterly dejected she wished she’d kept her blasted mouth shut.
“I know it’s awful,” he said, one large hand raking through his hair and making it stick up all over the place. “I tried my best to make it presentable, but no amount of flowers and champagne will ever turn this hovel into a palace, I’m afraid.”
“What?” She stared at him for a moment before she realised what he was talking about. “Oh, no, it’s not that. Your rooms are charming.”
He snorted with disgust.
“For a bachelor, certainly.” He moved closer and took her by the shoulders. “I will do better for you, Bunty. I swear I will.”
“Please don’t worry. After all, there is my dowry now, and—”
Ludo shook his head, his mouth set in a firm line. “No.”
“No?” She frowned at him, puzzled by the resistance in his voice.
“I’ll… I’ll find a way myself. That money is yours, to use as you see fit.”
Bunty gaped, bewildered. “But I don’t need a sum like that! Though, that you would give me access to it is… is more than I expected. Thank you, Ludo.”
“Christ, you would thank me? For forcing you to live in this….” He gestured around him with a muttered curse and turned his back on her. “I suppose I ought to use your money to buy us somewhere decent to live, for your sake at least, but… but I want to do it by myself. God, I’m a selfish bastard.”
Bunty smiled, understanding his dilemma. A man’s pride was a fragile thing. Her mother had taught her that much.
“I am perfectly content to live here while you get things in order, Ludo. It is no hardship, I assure you.”
Bunty had come from a well-run, elegant house, and she had never lacked any comfort, but she did not think life in these rather shabby rooms was enough to daunt her. Not if Ludo genuinely wanted her with him, but that brought her back to her original point.
“You are too kind,” he said.
She could not decipher his tone so she moved closer so she could see his face.
“Ludo?”
He turned towards her, and Bunty gathered her courage.
“D-Don’t… don’t you want me?”
She watched him blink, such an incredulous expression on his face she might have laughed if she’d not been so anxious.
“What?”
“Oh,” she said, twisting her hands together. “Don’t make me say it again. It’s only… I thought before that… that you did, and you said I was lovely, and I… well, I believed you, which was probably foolish of me, but… but if you meant it, why… w-why haven’t you kissed me yet?”
“God,” he said with feeling. “I’m a stupid bastard as well as a selfish one. What a catch you are, Ludo.”
Bunty’s eyes grew wide at his language, but she said nothing as he was moving closer, putting his arms around her, pulling her close.
“Not want you?” he said on a breath of laughter. “How could you think such a thing?”
“Well.” Bunty licked her lips, trying and failing not to stare at his mouth. “You seemed so nervous, and I thought perhaps you didn’t want to, or that you’d changed your mind.”
Ludo groaned and pressed his forehead gently against hers.
“Forgive me. I’m such a fool, it’s only….”
“Only?” she pressed as he paused, looking embarrassed.
“It’s only I wanted everything to be perfect, but I have to bring you here to this wretched place and you must surely regret agreeing to marry me, and then I realised that you’d never… that you hadn’t…. That you were a virgin, and I’m worried because I don’t want to hurt you, and….” He huffed out a bitter laugh. “You’d think the one thing I could do with no trouble was take you to bed, but no, I’m a bundle of nerves and I can’t even get that right.”
“Oh.” Bunty reached up and cupped his beautiful face, joy bubbling through her blood like the champagne bottle had burst inside her veins. “You wanted to make me happy.”