What a fucking bastard. “Didn’t your mother try to protect you?”
“If we looked to her for help, she’d say, ‘take it like a man’ and walk away. Sometimes he made her watch while he caned us, or when he tried forcing us to cane each other.”
My mouth dropped open in shock. “He tried forcing you all to …” I couldn’t finish the sentence; couldn’t wrap my head around what he’d said.
“The ‘offender’ would have to stand on a chair. Barron would instruct one of us to cane the back of the ‘offender’s’ legs. Oliver would go light with the cane; we’d flinch as if it hurt so that Barron wouldn’t notice. Kent used to go somewhere else in his head and get it over with. Travis couldn’t switch off from what was happening; he’d sob during and after, which Barron thought was amusing.”
God, that man was such a fucking monster. I slid my arm around Dane’s waist and kissed his chest, even knowing it wouldn’t really comfort him.
Dane looked at me. “I refused to hurt any of them, but don’t think my conscience stopped me. I’m not even sure I had much of one. In some ways, Oliver was my moral guide. I just hated Barron so much I refused to be under his control. He was set on beating the defiance out of me, so I spent a lot of time on the basement floor. He’d sometimes sneak into my bedroom in the middle of the night and drag me all the way down there to be ‘disciplined.’”
Which explained why he could snap awake so quickly and why he hated having anyone in his room. I swallowed. “This is what you meant when you said it’s your father’s fault that you’re not close to your brothers. He tried to make you all hurt each other so that there’d be no trust or loyalty.” And he’d made it automatic for them to never bond with the people around them.
“Divide and conquer.” Dane licked his front teeth. “People are easier to control when they’re not united. The reason Barron forced our mother to watch was that he wanted us to see that she’d never defend us; that we had no one to turn to.”
I rested my chin on Dane’s chest. “It’s a wonder any of you communicate with each other.”
“It’s our way of flipping Barron the middle finger, I suppose. And maybe the shared experience bonded us in a strange way. But it’s not a sibling bond. More like a survivor bond. And our years with Hugh helped. He gave us ‘normal.’”
“I used to wonder how Travis could so easily try to ruin your ‘marriage.’ But he was encouraged from an early age to hurt and betray; shaped to believe it was the norm. I guess that didn’t ‘stick’ with Kent.”
“It’s as if Kent decided he would be the absolute opposite of Barron. Maybe that was his own personal form of rebellion. Travis never finishes a meal, and I know that’s because Barron would force us to either eat every bit or eat the rest for breakfast the next day. But Travis also picked up some of Barron’s bad habits—the gambling, the cheating, the knack of getting into debt. He hates me.”
I frowned. “Why? You never hurt him.”
“Exactly. I held out against Barron. Travis hates that I resisted when he couldn’t, even though we were just kids and it doesn’t whatsoever make him weak.”
“He resents your strength,” I realized.
“Just as Heather resents yours.”
I kissed his chest again. I understood him so much better now. Understood his need for peace, quiet, and space—he’d quite simply never had those things. He’d spent most of his childhood in a house filled with fear, shouting, crying, pain, and abuse. The silence reminded him that he wasn’t there anymore. He only felt safe when alone. It was a wonder he hadn’t stuck me in his guesthouse.
I also now understood why he held himself apart and was always seeking more. The only person Dane had ever truly bonded with was his twin. After losing Oliver, Dane hadn’t ever let anyone close enough to fill the void he’d been left with, and so he moved through life feeling unfulfilled no matter what he achieved or gained. It was all just so … gutting.
The alarm went off, breaking into my thoughts.
Dane reached over and switched it off. “Do you have a problem with me not using condoms from now on?”
I blinked, taken aback by the abrupt change of subject. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be. Dane only ever revealed sneak peeks of himself. Really, I was surprised he’d told me as much as he had. “No,” I replied.
Satisfaction flared in his eyes. “Good. I like coming inside you.”
Yeah, I’d noticed.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
As I unplugged my hairdryer from the wall socket on Saturday morning, I heard my cell phone begin to chime. Clad in only a plush towel, I crossed to the dresser and picked up my cell. Seeing Ashley’s name on the screen made me smile. I suspected she meant to double-check that I still intended to go shopping with her and Hanna tomorrow.
I swiped my thumb across the screen and answered, “Morning.”
“I’m gonna kill him one day, Vienna,” she said, her voice dark. “It’s gonna happen. I’m telling you. I’ve watched enough CSI episodes to know how to get away with it.”
I bit my lip. “What happened?”
“I caught him red-handed.”
“Doing what?”
“Watching porn. Worse, he was jerking off while he watched it. Oh, he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I’m telling you, it’s the same as cheating. He said it’s no different than when I read erotic books. I said that’s bullshit, because you don’t see me lounging on the sofa with tissues and lube close by while I touch myself. Sorry to put that image in your brain but, you know, I had to make my point.”
“No problem,” I said even as I grimaced.
Just then, my fake husband strode into the room. He’d headed to his own bedroom after our shower, and now he’d returned fully clothed and looking delicious. His steely eyes drifted over me, bold as brass. I expected him to whip off my towel, but he instead sank into my bulky armchair.
“What would you do in my position?” Ashley asked me.
“Well, I can’t say I’d like to walk into a room and find Dane watching porn—” I frowned as I heard three loud bangs. “What was that?”
Ashley huffed. “Oh, Mr. Porn Addict doesn’t like that I’ve locked myself in the bathroom, so he’s pounding his fist on the door.”
“I’m not addicted to porn,” I heard Tucker complain. “Jesus, Ashley, men and women all over the world watch porn. It’s normal.”
“Men and women all over the world also commit first degree murder,” she shot back. “Doesn’t make it right.”
“You’re comparing what I did to murder?” he asked, his voice dripping with disbelief.
“Well, you murdered my trust in you. It’s in tatters right now. I don’t see how we can come back from this.”
“You said that yesterday when you didn’t like the way I loaded the dishwasher.”
“Well it’s not fucking rocket science, Tucker! Excuse me, Vienna, I have to go deal with this cheating asshole.”