She and Lydia turned and left. Liz watched them go, then went to get paper towels and window cleaner. Fortunately, all-natural, artisanal ice cream is much easier to clean off than the factory stuff.
Twenty-nine
In which Nina takes things public.
You would have thought there was something monumental going on, judging by the crowd outside the bar. Mermaids wrestling in creamed corn. Kitten juggling. Instant Pot flash mob. Something. But it was really only the Southern California Quiz Bowl Final, and after ten minutes of wriggling, Lydia and Nina managed to push their way to the front.
Howard the QuizDick had really gone above and beyond for this one, and there was even a camera crew from a local affiliate station. Howard had decked himself out in a silver sequin dinner jacket and successfully bid on eBay for one of those microphones that looks like a half-finished lollipop on a long silver stick. Whatever it was, he was bringing it.
Nina could see both teams sitting on either side of the podium, which was bigger and more impressive (and hopefully drier) than the last one.
“Ladies, Gentlemen, and the great Undecided, welcome to the Final of the Southern California Quiz Bowl. For the first time we have a challenger from San Diego, the California Quizzly Bears, facing off against local heroes, You’re a Quizzard, Harry.”
Nina looked along the Quizzard team bench . . . no Tom.
Lisa was there, though, and she noticed Nina. She frowned and got to her feet.
“Competitors must remain in their positions,” said Howard.
“Don’t be silly, Howard,” replied Lisa. “I’ll be back in a minute. I have to see why we’re a team captain short.”
“There are no substitutions once the clock has begun,” warned Howard officiously.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” said Lisa, over her shoulder.
She and Nina met by the bar.
“Where’s Tom?” yelled Nina, over the hubbub. “This is my cousin, Lydia. She’s an expert in traffic patterns.”
“Hi,” said Lisa, looking surprisingly interested. “You picked a good city for it, although the biggest traffic jam ever took place in Beijing in 2010.”
“I know,” said Lydia with relish. “Sixty-two miles long, and lasted for twelve days.” She looked at Lisa carefully, never having met anyone else who cared about traffic. “I went on vacation last year to São Paulo. They have enormous traffic jams all the time; it was great.”
Lisa smiled at her as if that hadn’t been a ridiculous thing to say, then turned back to Nina. “Tom isn’t here, but he’s supposed to be. He’s been totally off his trivia game. Why did you break up with him?”
“Because I was scared,” said Nina. “I want to apologize, but he’s not answering his phone.”
“I know, I’ve been trying to reach him.” Lisa looked mildly concerned. “Hey, do you want to play for our team? Without him we’ve got no chance, even if he is playing at half strength.”
“I can’t. I don’t think it’s allowed.”
“Well, let’s ask.”
Nina hung back. “No, I’m sure Tom will be here.”
“I am here,” said Tom, coming up behind them. “Sorry, Lisa, I was working and lost track of time.” He looked at Nina. “Hi, Nina.” Then he took Lisa by the arm. “Let’s go. They’re going to start.”
“Tom, Nina wants to talk to you,” said Lisa.
Tom looked at Nina. “That’s nice,” he replied. “You have ice cream in your hair.” Then he walked away and Lisa followed, shrugging apologetically. Nina smelled that sawdust smell that always went with him, feeling herself take a few steps without even realizing it.
She had made such a mistake.
“He’s cute,” said Lydia from behind her. “Go get him, tiger.”
Nina watched Lisa scramble back to her seat on the team bench, next to Tom, who was studiously avoiding her gaze.
“I’ll try,” she said, “but I think I’m more of a pussycat.”
“House cats share 95.6 percent of their DNA with tigers,” said Lydia. She paused. “According to one study, anyway.”
QuizDick stepped forward and raised his hand for silence. “Let’s review the format. In the first round, I’ll be asking the teams sets of questions in various categories. Anyone on the team can answer, but only one answer will be accepted. A correct answer receives two points. An incorrect answer means that question will be offered to the opposing team. If they get it right, they’ll get one point. If nobody knows, it will be offered to the audience, and if they get it right, they can give one point to whichever team they’re supporting.”
As the audience was largely supporting the local team, this seemed popular, but the California Quizzly Bears had also brought a sizable contingent of fans, who were wearing bear claw gloves and Smokey Bear hats. It was a look.
“Are both teams complete?” QuizDick looked over the competitors carefully, presumably to check none of them was secretly Ken Jennings. “In order to reduce the chance of cheating, we’re pulling categories at random. Our first category is Sports in the USA.”
Both teams did pretty well with Sports, but Quizzard took the lead in the next round, which was Real Life Couples who Played Couples on TV. Then the Quizzly Bears dominated Minor Countries You’ve Never Heard Of (a statement that clearly didn’t apply to them), but Quizzard swept the board in Sitcoms of the Eighties, bringing the scores level as they entered the final round.
Nina was watching Tom’s face, and it was impossible not to notice how effectively he was ignoring her. It became almost comical, the lengths he was prepared to go not to meet her eye. Lydia started muttering commentary and answering the questions under her breath, and Nina made a mental note to see if Santa Monica had competitive trivia, because Lydia would crush it.
“In this final round, it’s team members one by one, head-to-head and toe-to-toe with their opposition. Each pair will get six questions, two from each category, and twelve points are up for grabs, no fancy business.”
Lisa was first, and totally creamed her Quizzly Bear opponent, having apparently memorized the lives of Early American Presidents, the Periodic Table of Elements, and Cartoon Cats and Dogs. Quizzard wasn’t so lucky in the next round, and their team member was only able to garner two points for correctly identifying Fresno as the Raisin Capital of the World. In the last round of team member play Quizzard got all the questions about Egg-Based Recipes correct, but were unable to beat the Quizzly Bears on Cocktails or Dog Breeds.
The Quizzly Bears were getting cocky and had started celebrating imminent victory. The bar floor was awash with broken glass and beer, because it turned out bear claw gloves are cute, but not good for holding slippery pint glasses. Presumably, this is why bears prefer kegs.
“Here we go,” said Howard, who had grown into his role as host and was handling things pretty smoothly. “With the scores tied we come at last to the team captains, who have to buzz in to answer ten rapid-fire questions drawn from any of tonight’s categories.” He pulled out his little bag of categories and withdrew a slip of paper. “The same rules apply: two points if they get it, one point if their opponents get it, and the option of throwing it open to the audience if all else fails.”