Despite the pain squeezing my heart, I utter, “That’s not true.”
Cole and I haven’t even had sex yet.
Truth be told, we haven’t had much of anything lately, but that’s because he’s going through stuff.
“God, for someone so smart, you’re awfully stupid.” She turns to face me. “Cole will never be into you half as much as you’re into him.” Disgust crosses over her expression as she looks me up and down. “Sure, you’re dropping some weight, but you’re still fat and ugly. You’ll never be the kind of girl he’s physically attracted to, Sawyer.” She places her hand on her chest. “I’m not telling you this to be a bitch. I’m just trying to give you a friendly head’s up so you can dump him and end your bullshit relationship with some dignity before he rips that away too.”
With that, she stalks off.
And I’m left wondering if the little nagging voice in my head—the one I’ve been trying so hard to shove down and ignore—might be right.
Chapter 75
Cole
“You said you were ordering pizza.” I glare at Jace as he walks through the door of Oakley’s guesthouse with two pizzas. “Not my former brother.”
Oakley walks over to the fridge. “No, I said I was ordering pizza and someone was picking it up. I just failed to mention that the someone was Jace.” He looks down at me. “Are you gonna do that all night?”
I’m currently sitting on his kitchen floor bouncing a tennis ball. “Yup.” It hits the wall across the room before springing back to me. “Got a problem with it?”
Sawyer said I needed to find a healthy way to manage my stress since drinking and beating up Stone isn’t.
Yesterday she dropped off a package of tennis balls for me.
They don’t really help, but they do take my mind off stuff.
Or rather, they did. Until he showed up.
Jace doesn’t say a word as he parks his ass at the kitchen table.
I should have known Oakley would try to stage an intervention during boys’ night.
However, I know how Jace is. He doesn’t just hold grudges…he chains them up for years and throws away the key.
There’s a small part of me that can’t help but think if it was Liam in my position instead, he would have already forgiven him.
And since old habits don’t die overnight, I’ve decided I’m now holding a grudge against him—a stronger, better one—that will one-up the one he’s holding against me.
Bastard.
Jace doesn’t look bothered one bit as he loads a slice of pizza onto his plate.
Of course the fucker went with pineapple. The topping no one in their right mind—except for him and Liam—would enjoy.
“Fucking pineapple,” I mutter as I bounce the ball. Harder this time. “Surprise, surprise.”
Cocking an eyebrow, he opens the second pizza box.
Meatball. My favorite. “Asshole.”
“Douchebag,” he counters.
Oakley waves a hand as he strides over to the table. “This is good. Keep going. We’re finally getting somewhere.”
Somewhere my ass. He only got my favorite pizza to make me look like an idiot for complaining.
Self-righteous prick.
“Why are you even here right now, motherfucker?” I bark. “I thought you wanted a break?”
A break from being my brother.
It would have hurt less if he told me I was dead to him.
“I’m not here for you, shithead. Oakley called and asked if I wanted to swing by and chill. He didn’t mention you’d be here.” He shrugs one shoulder. “You can stay if you want though.”
“Wow. Gee thanks, Your Highness.”
“You’re welcome, jackass.”
Oakley cracks open a window and sparks a blunt. “I called you both over here because it’s time to end this…whatever the fuck it is.”
It’s not my fault.
“Blame him,” I say. “I’m not the one who asked for a break.”
Christ. I sound like one of Jace’s exes.
“I asked for a break because I needed time to process the bomb you dropped on me. Jesus, Cole. For years you let me believe I was the last person who spoke to Liam that night.”
“Didn’t mean to take that distinct honor from you. My bad.”
I’d gladly give it back if I could.
Jace growls. “Swear to God, you can be such a selfish piece of shit sometimes.”
“You’re right. The wrong twin offed himself. Maybe one day you’ll find your big boy balls and fucking admit it.”
Jace stands up. “What the fuck is the matter with you? Stop saying shit like that.”
I get off the floor. “Make me.”
Oakley’s gaze ping pongs between us. “Everyone chill.” He holds up his blunt. “Better yet. Take a few hits off this and calm your asses down.”
We ignore him.
“Why?” I shove Jace. “It’s the truth.”
He shoves me back. “No, it’s not. Don’t put fucking words in my mouth.”
“I’m only saying what you don’t have the guts to—”
The fist to my face has me staggering back.
“Shut the fuck up,” Jace shouts. “It would have hurt just as much if you died, you goddamn prick.” He snorts. “But like always, Cole has to make it all about him. God forbid anyone mourns Liam.” He pats his chest. “He might have been your twin, but he was my brother too, dammit. You might not have gotten along with him, but I did. And I refuse to keep pretending I don’t miss him just because it upsets you. I’m through walking on eggshells around you.”
Fuck. I never really thought about it like that before.
I open my mouth to speak, but Jace isn’t finished yet. “I don’t blame you. I fucking hate that you kicked him out. But not nearly as much as I hate myself for fighting with him on the one night he needed me. He never would have gone to you if we hadn’t fought. He would have come to me…just like he always did.”
His words hurt worse than the fist to my face.
“Gee. Tell me more about what a shitty brother I am.”
He opens his arms wide. “You were a shitty brother to Liam. I’m not gonna stand here and sugar coat shit to make you feel better. But…” He draws in a breath. “Liam didn’t always…he wasn’t a good brother to you, either. You two were like oil and water…you just didn’t mix.” Scrubbing a hand over his scalp, he takes a step back. “Mom used to say you’d get along better when you were older…it sucks you never got a chance to prove her right.”
The muscles in my chest draw tight with remorse. “I wish we did.”
Sawyer told me it wasn’t too late to start loving him, but I don’t think it will ever be enough to absolve me completely.
It’s all I can do, though. He isn’t coming back.
Sadness lingers in Jace’s eyes. “I know.”
“Are one of you gonna help me finish this blunt or nah?” Oakley questions.
Jace takes it from him. “Yeah. Fuck knows I could use it right about now.”