“Home?” Anika whines, too tired to understand.
“Kai’s home, baby.”
I nearly throw up during the drive. Anika gets a little sick too.
Kai sits in the passenger seat while his father drives. I don’t know where Neri, Cobain, or Robin went. Is Raz coming home with us too?
“Don’t be afraid,” Kai says, reaching back to comfort me when I begin to cry.
His words do no good. Anika and Mia start crying too. I’m so afraid that his home will be bad or not real. My head feels messed up, and I think maybe I’m sick with a dream. Kai never saved me. I’m back at the homestead with my crying daughter. We’re going to be punished if we aren’t quiet, but I can’t stop the tears.
The car finally parks, and Kai helps me out. He carries Anika as I follow after him, terrified to wake up.
I smell something weird in the air. It’s the dream ending. I can’t go back to the homestead. My baby won’t survive there. I need Kai to be real. I want to feel love. I can’t wake up.
“You’re finally home,” he says and rests Anika on the dirty ground.
My baby reaches for me, confused and sick. Is she afraid to wake up too?
Kai sits down on the dirt and gestures for me to sit between his legs like I did at Cobain’s safe house. He holds me while I hold Anika.
Kai doesn’t get mad at our tears. He just strokes my head and hers. Neri runs past us and jumps in the water. She doesn’t even put on a swimsuit first. Kai smiles at his sister’s behavior. Even though she looks so happy, I can’t stop crying.
“I’m afraid to wake up,” I tell him. “What if you’re not real?”
“That’s just the medicine, Sunny. It makes you feel strange, but that’ll go away. You know I’m real. No dream lasts this long.”
His words make me chuckle. “It has been a really long dream.”
“A wonderful dream, but it’s only going to get better.”
As Anika grips my shirt, I look out at the ocean and flinch when the water crashes against the beach. That’s when I remember how the dirt we're sitting on is called sand. I push my toes into it like Kai said he used to do. The sand feels rough but not bad.
“We’ll sit out here a little longer,” Kai says as Anika stares at him with wet eyes. “Get you relaxed before we go inside with the others.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, embarrassed to still be crying.
“I’d be more worried if you weren’t upset. You had a long day, but we’ll sleep in my room tonight. And then tomorrow night. No more driving. No more running. No more hiding. You’re home, Sunny and Ani.”
“Home?” Anika asks, still thinking that word means something bad.
“Ocean home,” he says and points at the water. “This is Ani’s home now.”
My baby doesn’t understand yet, but I’m starting to feel it. Under the drugs and my panic, the comforting sensation grows.
I find Kai’s gaze and smile. “This isn’t a dream.”
“No,” he says and kisses me with just enough heat to awaken the parts dulled by the medicine. “You’re home. That’s why I had to go to the United States. My heart knew I needed to find my Sunny and Ani. Now I have, and we never have to leave again.”
Smiling at my daughter, I watch the fear in her eyes fade. She crawls out of my lap and mimics Kai playing with the sand.
Behind us stands a two-story house where the others speak. I scan the surrounding area—no one is on the beach except us—and then look back at Kai.
Since the first day, he promised to take me to a paradise far from the Children of the Black Sun. I doubted him so many times. Even today, I didn’t fully believe I’d sit on the beach with my baby girl and the man I love. His promises seemed too perfect to be true.
Kai never doubted. He promised his home was a paradise where we could build a life together. I keep going back and forth on whether to believe in the dream.
But here we are on the beach in front of his house, just as he swore would happen. That’s why if Kai believes we’ll be together forever, nothing can make me doubt his dream will come true.
COBAIN
Playa Cielo isn’t the tourist trap I imagined. I hadn’t looked up information about the town or Nicaragua in general. Normally, I refuse to walk into a situation blind. However, I kept myself from getting too set on moving here. Just in case Neri changed her mind. I’m such a fucking baby sometimes.
At the airport, I stay busy with moving our supplies to the SUVs dropped off by friends of the family. Raz monopolizes Neri’s attention for the entire drive. I guess I could attempt speaking, but I’m not in the mood to pretend.
The James family’s Spanish Colonial house is located in a gated community on a private beach. Their nearest neighbors are rich foreigners who apparently visit for only a few weeks a year.
Once we pull into the wide driveway at the main house, I step out and survey the area. Lush trees block much of the quiet road. I hear the ocean even before I see it. The air smells salty, and I’m instantly aware of how overdressed I am.
Neri stops chatting with Raz as soon as we arrive. Like a deranged child, she runs out to the beach. I see her do several cartwheels before she runs fully dressed into the ocean. I admit her enthusiasm is sexy as fuck. She waves at me from the waves, wanting me to join her.
I don’t, of course. Edgy in my new surroundings, I crave a threat to worry about, but we’re finally in safe territory. No skinheads, cults, or various other wackos to worry about here.
Again, I focus on busywork. Once the supplies are in the house, I try to lure Robin out of his carrier. I’m fairly certain the dog hates me now. I’ve thoroughly fucked with his life. He refuses to even lift his head when I open the dog carrier. Water doesn’t interest him. He keeps his eyes closed and growls. When I do catch him peeking, the dog couldn’t say, “fuck you,” any clearer.
“Lover,” Neri says in Spanish as she stands damp in the kitchen where I linger near the dog. “No one fills out a sweater as well as you do, but it’s at least eighty degrees. Either you take it off, or I’ll tear it off.”
Neri’s words sound like a threat, but she’s sending me “fuck me” vibes with her eyes.
“Happy to be home, Neri James?”
“Happy to have the people I love home,” she says, knowing any bigger display of affections will embarrass me when there are people around. “Would you like to swim? Or we could visit our future house next door? Are you hungry?”
There’s no gentle way to tell Neri to shut the fuck up, so I say nothing at all. Kai appears behind his sister and whispers in her ear. I don’t know what he says, but she exhales softly.
“I’m going to change my clothes. Come with me.”
Neri’s room is what I expect from her. Nothing frilly, just calm, neutral décor. A queen-sized bed covered with a pale blue blanket. A few photos framed on a white dresser. No TV. I suspect she doesn’t spend much time in this room.
In her sizable bathroom, she strips down and jumps up on the counter. I don’t know what the fuck I’m waiting for, but it doesn’t occur to me to go to her until she opens her arms.