“Tell me then, what was it?” I hated that my voice had reached levels of agitation that made my words echo in the small space.
“Temporary,” she burst out. “Or have you turned this into something it’s not in your head—maybe another one of your stories? I always knew this would end when I left Frazier Falls, and so did you. If you suggest otherwise, then you’re flat-out lying to yourself!”
“Damn it, Emily!” I pounded on the steering wheel and slammed on the brakes, screeching to a halt a couple of streets away from where Emily’s mother lived. I turned around to face her, my heart beating way too fast to continue driving.
“Damn me what, Eli? This was always the scenario.” Emily’s voice was like thunder, echoing through my soul.
I shook my head in frustration. “Why are you lying? Why are you making this out like what we had was nothing? Is it to make leaving me easier? There’s no way in hell that what’s been going on between us is casual.” I shook my head. “No way. I can’t believe that.”
“You can believe what you want, but that doesn’t make it different. I have to go.”
Emily turned from me to wrench the passenger door open. I grabbed onto her arm to prevent her from leaving.
The glare she threw at me could have cut through steel. “Let me go, Eli.”
“No.”
Her eyes widened in disbelief. “I’m telling you to let me go.”
“Not until you’re honest with me.”
“I’m being honest with you!” she screamed, angry tears filling her eyes as she tried to pull away.
“No, you’re not!”
“Stop telling me what I think.”
“Then stop lying!”
“Eli.” The fight in her voice was gone. “Please let me go before you ruin everything.”
I laughed bitterly. “How can I ruin something that you claim doesn’t exist? According to you, it was all in my head.”
“Don’t do this. Don’t. You’re asking me to choose, and I can’t. Just let me go.” She stared at me with pleading eyes.
As much as I wanted to keep her, I knew I couldn’t, so I let her go.
Emily got out of the truck and grabbed her bag. I dug my fingernails into the steering wheel, breathing heavily with my eyes closed. Then I turned off the engine and left the truck to follow after her as she made her way down the street.
“Emily, wait,” I called out. She spared an angry glance over her shoulder, then hurried forward. “You’re making this so much harder.”
“What else would you have me do?” She turned to face me so quickly that she slipped on the ice that lined the concrete.
I reached out to steady her. “All I’m asking is for you to admit that we were more. It would be nice if you could give me a kiss goodbye.”
“Are you trying to torture me?”
We stared at each other; our faces hot and red from arguing, while our breath clouded up the air in front of us. We had come to a resolute stand-still.
The way I felt for Emily went deeper than liking her. I was certain she more than liked me back, but she didn’t want to admit it because she was going to leave, regardless.
When it came down to it, if she asked me, instead, to move to Los Angeles with her, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I couldn’t. And that was what did it for me. It was unfair of me to try to force her to stay.
I took a few steps back. Her eyes widened slightly as if she hadn’t expected me to give up so easily. What she didn’t know was this wasn’t easy at all.
“You’re right,” I said, as slowly and as calmly as I could. “There’s nothing else to say. I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.”
“Eli …”
“Have a safe flight home,” I turned away and walked back to my truck as quickly as I could. My hands trembled as I opened the door. I fumbled with the key and dropped it twice before I shoved it into the ignition and started the engine.
When I looked up, Emily Flanagan was gone.
Chapter Twenty
Emily
“Good work today, team,” Don said.
“Easy for you to say. You had a working lunch that lasted all afternoon,” I tossed out.
“True, but the food was awful, and the company was worse. I’d go so far as to say my afternoon was more torturous than yours.”
Sadie leaned back in her chair and clucked her tongue in response. Her head shook in sync with the sound.
Don turned to her. “Just be happy I’m not making either of you work overtime.”
“There’s nothing that would require overtime. Emily and I are efficient and work well together,” Sadie glanced at her. “Can you believe Pete would consider breaking up the A-team?”
I arrived back at work weeks ago to a raging Pete, complaining about hiring people that never worked. He was halfway to telling me I was fired when I handed him a packet of information I’d compiled about the Green House Project.
“No chance of that happening now that we’re on board with the Cooper brothers. It’s even sweeter that Emily has a connection.”
I wasn’t listening to the conversation until the Green House Project was mentioned. Almost a month had passed since I’d left Frazier Falls in a wave of anger and grief. I didn’t want to acknowledge the heartache, but four weeks later, I was finally able to accept the fact that I’d been truly upset about leaving no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise.
It had been so easy to lie to myself, and I was furious at Eli for everything he’d dared to say out loud. We weren’t supposed to say anything even vaguely truthful. We were supposed to go on having fun, spending time with each other right until the last moment I spent in Frazier Falls.
But Eli ruined all of that by forcing me to face my feelings. I’d told myself a dozen stories. He was a pleasant distraction. We used each other to fill the boring gaps in our lives. We had nothing in common but sex. But that wasn’t true.
I convinced myself that he’d been more involved than me. The relationship had been in his town, in his stores and cafes, and in his house. That was another lie. I missed my mother’s hugs. I missed Alice’s pie. Hell, I missed Eli Cooper with every breath I took. While I tried to convince myself that he was no one to me, he occupied all my thoughts. Today, I’d even accidentally named a park after him. Smack dab in the middle of Culver City would be Cooper Park instead of Copper Park.
Had I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left? The answer was a sorrowful no. I couldn’t have it all. The job market in Frazier Falls wasn’t ideal for a girl with a geography degree, and a penchant for city planning. Neither Ma nor I were fond of hunger. And another epic storm without a back-up generator wouldn’t be good. I wasn’t forsaking Eli—I had to choose my mother. Eli would survive if I left, but my mom might not survive if I stayed. My love for her tied me to California and a job that seemed less appealing each day.
God, this was so messed up. I couldn’t believe I was sitting here at my desk, in a job I once loved, in a city I once loved, surrounded by people I still loved, and yet, I was miserably unhappy because the two people I loved the most were in Colorado.