No. That’s a lie.
I can see a little boy.
The welts on his skin.
The darkness in his surroundings.
The fear in his eyes.
The same fear that’s now on Queens’ face as she bends over in front of Elsa’s assault.
I grab her by the arm and pull her back so harshly, she slams straight into my chest.
She tries to fight me off, her hands still pointing in Queens’ direction. The latter is crouched on the wet ground, coughing and trembling under the rain.
Elsa isn’t seeing that. She’s not seeing anything except for the black rage covering her vision.
Just like them.
She’s just like them.
No. She’s not.
This is Elsa. My Elsa.
And no fucking one will take her away from me. Not even herself.
I wrap my hand around her neck and squeeze.
Her arms stop flailing about. She blinks a few times. When she finally looks at me – like really looks at me – her gaze fills with horror as if she’s just realising what she has done.
“Don’t go there again,” I whisper.
If she does, I’ll have no choice but to follow her. She'll hate what I become like when I do.
She nods once even though her eyes are lost, I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her back as she hides her head in my chest.
For a few seconds, we stand there as the rain beats down on us.
“Make her go,” Elsa murmurs in my chest. “Make her go away.”
“Leave,” I order Queens.
She stands and opens her mouth to say something, but then her gaze strays behind me and her mouth falls open.
Her bright blue eyes widen with fear.
Pure, unhinged fear.
Still staring behind me, she opens her car door with trembling hands and slips inside. And then, she’s speeding out of the driveway.
Still cradling Elsa close to my chest, I glance behind me.
Nash stands at the entrance with both hands in his pockets.
A rare cruel smirk lifts his lips.
23
Elsa
My teeth clatter together.
I’m trembling and choking on air.
My heart slams against my chest so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t rip its way out.
My shirt sticks to my skin all soaked from the rain.
I don’t even know how I ended up in Aiden’s room, sitting in the corner, and pulling my knees to my chest.
The last thing I remember is Aiden squeezing my throat and bringing me back from whatever haze I was in.
I remember red.
Dots of blood spilt in my head like the pool from the nightmare. The next thing I know, I was hitting Silver.
I wanted to push her inside that red pool.
I wanted her gone.
If Aiden didn’t stop me, what would I have done?
Tears fill my eyes, and I tighten my arms around my legs as I rock back and forth against the wall.
Something is wrong with me.
When did I become this person? When did I start fantasising about hurting people?
“Elsa.”
A larger than life presence crouches in front of me. Just like Uncle Reg in that nightmare.
Will it be a red pool now?
Am I trapped in my endless nightmares?
I stare up with wild eyes.
Aiden’s shirt is also soaked and is now transparent, outlining his hard muscles. He must’ve lost the jacket somewhere because his shirt’s cuffs are rolled to his elbows. The arrow tattoos point straight at his heart.
He holds a towel in his hand and watches me intently.
My breathing slows down a little, but it’s not enough to purge the disturbing images in my head.
It’s not enough to make me stop thinking about what I would’ve done to Silver if he weren’t there to stop me.
“W-what’s wrong with me?” A sob tears from my throat. “She didn’t even attack me, and I was about to kill her.”
He slowly places the towel on my head as if not wanting to startle me. With meticulous hands, he dries off the wet strands. “She did attack you.”
“No, she didn’t. She just stood there defenceless.”
“She provoked you.”
“Provoked me?”
He continues his strokes on my hair. “It’s been accumulating for a while. Not only does Queens threaten you, but she’s also been provoking you.”
“You think I hit her because of that?”
“Yes. You don’t attack people without any reason. You only go after those who provoke or pose a threat to you.”
“How do you know that?”
He clutches my arm and pulls me closer to him. I stop rocking as he manoeuvres me to straddle his lap. “It’s a theory.”
I peek at him through my blurry vision. “Have you been psychoanalysing me or something?”
“Maybe.” He continues drying my hair. “You don’t need to worry about Queens anymore. She knows her place now and won’t provoke you again.”
“Why?”
“I made her.”
“You made her how?”
“By less violent methods?” He grins, and I wince.
He places a finger under my chin and lifts so I’m facing him. “You don’t have to be ashamed of who you are with me, Elsa. You can be a fucking lunatic, and I still won’t let you go.”
Wow. That’s surprisingly sweet coming from him.
It’s almost like he accepts me whole. Aiden isn’t interested in mere parts of me, he wants the whole thing.
And my heart nearly bursts open at his acceptance.
It’s like I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to take me as I am and I finally found him.
He sees me.
And he’s not scared of what he sees.
Hell, I’m more terrified than him.
My teary eyes search his cloudy ones for any sign of manipulation, but all I find is acceptance.
Unconditional acceptance.
He shouldn’t accept this part of me. I don’t accept it myself.
“You shouldn’t joke about that,” I whisper.
“It wasn’t a joke. I don’t care who or what you are as long as you’re mine.”
My lower lip trembles and the hysterics’ wave from earlier threatens to hit me all over again. “What if… what if I hurt someone?”
“Why would you think that?”
“I keep having these nightmares about pools of blood. A normal person wouldn’t have those nightmares. I m-must’ve hurt someone before… right?”
“It could be that you were the one who got hurt.”
I pull back. He pauses drying my hair.
“You know, don’t you?” I choke on the words.
There’s a slight shift in his features before that infuriating poker face slips back on. “I know what?”
“Tell me, Aiden, please.” I grind against his erection, rubbing my arse cheeks all over him. “I’ll do anything.”
“Stop.” He grips my arm hard, causing me to whimper. “I won’t fuck you when you’re like this.”
“When I’m like what?” Frustration and the fear of the unknown claw at my chest and I just snap. “A mess? A fucking maniac? I hurt my aunt in the hospital, Aiden! The wound I left in her wrist is so deep, I can’t look her in the eyes without feeling like a monster. I scratched you the other time and I almost bashed Silver’s head to the pavement just now. I keep escalating with no way to stop it and you’re refusing to fucking tell me what happened!”