My heart shifted again, edging toward a drop that would be both painful and exhilarating.
"That would be great," I said. "Thank you."
"Be right back."
12
The drive home was surreal.
The plan had been for a short reception, but by the time we'd eaten the delicious food that my mother and Colette ordered, it was already nearly six. Then, Colette and Cam had wheeled out a two-tier wedding cake. Each tier was wrapped in a pink fondant ribbon and a beautiful fondant bow. A glistening pink candy rhinestone rested in the center of each bow. Just like the ones on my shoes.
I'd teared up again but managed to control the urge to cry.
So, that's how J.J. and I ended up cutting the wedding cake together and feeding each other a piece.
It was a piercingly sweet moment.
We finally left Crave around seven-thirty and the sun was drooping in the sky.
I sympathized because I was definitely drooping myself.
J.J. drove the car without speaking, letting me drowse in the passenger seat. Cam had come up with a pair of cheap flip flops that she'd left in her office a few months ago and insisted that I wear them home since my feet were still sore and swollen from my wedding shoes.
When J.J. turned down my driveway, I was suddenly very awake. It had been simmering in my head all day that tonight he was coming home with me and he was staying.
I'd changed the sheets on the bed in the guest room and cleaned out all the drawers in the dresser and the few boxes I had in the closet.
I didn't have a lot of stuff, mostly because I saved most of my money instead of buying things that might need to be stored. It was probably for the best since I now had a roommate of sorts.
"Um, the bedroom is cleaned out for you," I said. "And my brothers said they could come over and help you move things around if you want."
J.J. glanced at me, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I know. They mentioned it earlier at the reception."
I frowned. "You mean when they dragged you out to the alley to do whatever stupid thing they planned."
J.J. shook his head. "Nope. Nothing like that happened."
I shot him a disbelieving look, but he didn't say anything else.
"All the same, I'll probably ask Brody if I need help," he said, his tone dry.
I laughed a little. "That sounds wise. I think you've known my brothers long enough to know that they'd drop something on your foot because they thought it was funny."
He grinned and parked next to my car under the carport.
"You go in and put your feet up," he said. "I'll get the leftovers and the cake."
"I can help."
"You can help me figure out where I can put my stuff so it won't drive you insane this weekend."
I had to laugh because he was right on the money with that statement. I was particular about my environment, but I wanted him to feel like this was his house, too. It wasn't going to be easy to stop thinking of it as just mine.
"I promise I won't nag you about it," I said.
J.J. shrugged. "I haven't been here long enough to have a 'place' for stuff, so it won't be a big deal."
I faced him. "I meant what I said about moving my couch or the bed in your room out if you want to bring in your own mattress."
"I will if mine is more comfortable," he said. "I'm getting too old to sleep on uncomfortable beds."
"You're barely thirty-one," I pointed out.
"Forty's just around the corner," he replied.
I scoffed and opened the door, carrying my shoes and purse in one hand. I didn't want to admit it, but I was ready to go inside, change out of my dress, and take a long, hot bath.
I stopped short just inside the door to the screened porch. The only bathtub was in the guest bath, which would officially become J.J.'s bathroom now that he was my husband.
Indecision swept over me. I wouldn't want someone in what I considered my private space, but we'd also just gotten married.
M-A-R-R-I-E-D.
Technically, what was mine was his and vice versa. Right?
So why did I feel like I needed to ask his permission to take a bath in my own tub, in a house I'd been living in for going on three years?
"Hey, you okay?" J.J. asked from behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder and realized I was blocking his entry into the house. He held two enormous paper bags by their handles in one hand and a couple of gift bags containing wedding gifts in the other.
A sense of surrealism overwhelmed me.
"I'm not sure," I answered honestly, going into the house and moving out of his way so he could put the bags on the table.
J.J. looked down at my feet and winced. "I wouldn't be surprised considering the state of your feet."
"That's not it," I answered as I looked around my kitchen. A kitchen I now shared with J.J. "I think it just hit me that you're here and we're married."
He grinned but the smile fell away when he saw the expression on my face. "Serious second thoughts?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Not exactly. More like questioning why I now feel the need to ask your permission to use my own bathtub. Among other things."
A frown tugged down the corners of his mouth. "You feel like you need my permission to use your own tub?"
I realized my statement didn't make sense. "The only tub is in the guest bath, which I guess is now technically your bathroom. I'm not sure how you feel about people in what you should consider your private space."
J.J. came closer. "Um, if I were renting a room and bathroom from you, maybe I'd have a problem with you taking a bath in my tub, but we're married."
It was my turn to frown. "But not in the traditional sense," I pointed out. "We're not exactly planning to live as man and wife?" I grimaced at the term. "I never realized how much I hate that phrase before. 'Man and wife' as if a woman has no identity of her own unless it's in relation to her husband."
"Is that what you're worried about?" J.J. asked. "That you won't have your own identity now that we're married?"
"Huh?" I shook my head. "Sorry, that was a tangent not me voicing a concern. Though that could become an issue if you show yourself to be a closet misogynist."
J.J. laughed a little and shook his head. "Okay, then we need to get back on track. If you had the only shower in the house in your bathroom, would you be upset if I wanted to use it?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"Then, that's your answer about my feelings on the subject. You want to use my bathroom, go ahead." He stepped closer. "I buy something you like at the grocery store and put it in the fridge, eat it. But maybe save me a piece." Now, he was less than a foot from me, his jacket and tie gone, and his shirt unbuttoned at the throat. "You decide you like my bed better than yours, the left side's free."
I swallowed hard. Suddenly, I was very interested in the left side of Jay's bed and it wasn't because I was exhausted.
When I inhaled, it was shaky. "Same goes for me, except maybe for the bed thing. Scott says you snore."
I hadn't heard it during our night together but we hadn't exactly slept much.