"Is it really a lie when the truth is going to come out eventually?" Becca asked. "No one gets to keep any secrets in this family."
"That's true," Lea said, moving over toward the table, grabbing one of the apples out of the bowl next to Dusty. "If you have any deep, dark secrets, now is the time to air them."
I felt my stomach bottom out at that, thinking of how humiliating it would be if they all learned how I'd been lonely and horny and desperate enough to call Rush's phone sex line."
"I know her secret!" Fee declared, waving a knife with tomato guts on it at me, making that stomach thing even more overwhelming. "She reads smutty little sex books," she said, making a wave of relief course through me.
"Oh, I have some books for you then," Peyton said, beaming.
"Don't trust her," Autumn, her sister, declared. "They're not normal sex books. They're horror-porn sex books."
"That sounded mighty judgy for the owner of a sex store," Peyton shot back.
The food prep went much like that, the women sharing stories, both old and new, occasionally bringing me into the fold, but never in too big of a way, keeping it all very casual.
I was starting to think there would be no issue.
That is until all the food was brought and lined up on the sideboards in the dining room. And the men and kids filed in.
My heartbeat tripped into overdrive as a band of tightness pressed against my throat, making it hard to breathe.
Hugging the walls, I made my way toward the back of the house, opening the door to the back porch, and slipping outside.
"You found my hiding spot," a voice said at my side, making my overwrought body jolt as a yelp escaped me. "Sorry," Dusty said, giving me a smile. "I come out here sometimes," she said, shrugging. "When it gets loud and crazy and I can't take it."
"I'll go find another spot," I told her, feeling bad for interrupting.
"No. No, come sit," she said, kicking out the chair across from her at the table. "It gets better," she told me as I sat down. "After you get used to it. But I won't lie to you and say it all goes away. It doesn't. Obviously," she said, waving a hand at herself. "The initial food line is always the worst for me for some reason."
"Yeah, that's what did me in," I agreed, feeling better that I had someone to talk to about it who wouldn't be offended.
"They're good with it, you know," Dusty went on. "When we go back in, they will act like nothing happened. No scenes to worry about. Or anyone asking if everything is alright. They just go with the flow. I was," she started, letting out a little humorless laugh, "I was a real wreck when I first met Ryan. Completely agoraphobic. Hadn't left my apartment in ages. You can imagine how the Mallick clan terrified me back then. Though, there were fewer of them. There are bound to be a lot of little kids again soon with all the Rivers boys finally settling down. And that can sometimes get bad too, if you're not used to it. I mean, if you end up having kids, you'll get used to that kind of crazy fast enough. I used to be a teacher, but even so, the kids running and squealing was a hard adjustment at first."
"My family is really just my mom and me. So all of this is very new to me."
"It's overwhelming, but it is also amazing. I mean, the holidays? There's nothing like it. And they are totally going to invite your mom. It will be one, big, happy family. But if you take any meds, you might want to make sure your script is full around Thanksgiving and Christmas. The cold sucks, but it helps, right?" she asked when a shiver racked my system.
"Yeah," I agreed, nodding. "I feel better already."
"Good. Because we can't miss out on dinner," she told me. "This food is other level good."
"Let's go get some then," I suggested, moving to stand, surprised how much better I felt already.
With that, we moved back into the house, finding everyone already seated at the dining tables. There were two spots open, one next to each of our men. Who had been extra sweet and grabbed plates for us already.
"You good?" Rush asked, voice low, when I sat down, his hand squeezing my thigh under the table.
"No," I told him, shaking my head. "I'm awesome," I told him, smile tugging at my lips as I glanced around the room, finding everyone lost in their own conversations, no one paying Dusty or me any mind.
She was right.
They just accepted us.
Took us in, issues and all.
If there was a family I could be excited about joining, it was this one.
"I know your dirty little secret," I told Rush, lips twitching.
"That I can't get enough of you?" he asked, giving me a wink.
"Well, that," I agreed, feeling my chest warm up like it had been doing a lot lately. "But also that you were the one who taught Becca to drive."
"How did you—" he started.
"Say what now?" Fiona asked, looking across the table at us.
"Uh oh," I said, pressing my lips together.
"I'm gonna get you back for this," Rush warned, a dark promise in his eyes.
"I'm looking forward to that."
Rush - 7 months
"Don't look at me like that," she said, grabbing a blanket off of the back of the couch, wrapping it around her shoulders that already had on a long-sleeve tee, a sweatshirt, a cardigan, and a robe.
"Yes, sixty degrees is practically the arctic," I agreed, shaking my head at her as she slipped her feet into a pair of rubber-soled fluffy slippers, following me out onto the porch.
It was barely dawn. The birds were still fast asleep in their nests. I wanted to be up in our little nest, waking her up with my tongue and fingers.
But we'd had grand ideas in bed before falling asleep the night before. About grabbing some coffee and blankets and making our way to the lake, sitting on the rock and watching the sun come up.
I was holding us to it. Even if Katie was intent on bringing every blanket in the cabin with us.
"Wait, did you grab the bat?" she asked, turning back.
"I thought we covered this. There are no cannibals," I reminded her, smiling.
"No," she agreed, rolling her eyes. "But there are bears."
"Love that you think I can fight off a bear with a bat, baby," I said, grabbing the bat to humor her. "Okay. Anything else? A heated blanket, perhaps?"
"Hey, it's not my fault I have a chill," she reminded me. "Someone insisted he would wake up in the middle of the night without an alarm to re-stoke the fire."
"Yeah yeah yeah. I fail at the manly fire setting things. But if I recall correctly, someone sapped me of all my energy last night," I reminded her.
We'd made it back up to the cabin just about an hour before bedtime, so we'd skipped food, fell into bed, and fucked until we couldn't move anymore.
And since we weren't in the middle of a power outage, and the heat was working fine, I'd mistakenly thought she would be warm enough.
I should have known better by now.
This was a woman I'd once caught turning the heat up to seventy-five while wrapped up in a comforter.