“Excuse me? What does this have to do with me?”
“Nothing, Dad. That's the point. Stay the hell out of it.”
“Someone has to make sure they're protected from him.”
“He made mistakes. He's trying to make amends.”
“Some mistakes are too great to ever fix.”
“Like when you blamed Declan for saving me instead of Mom?”
The front door code beeps at that exact moment, Terry's face popping in, Leo behind him.
“Hey, everyone! I came over to meet the babies and this is Leo. He says he's here to...”
No stranger to family tension, Terry's deep voice fades fast as his eyes ping from me to Dad, finally settling on Amanda with compassion. Quick to cross the room, he inserts himself physically between Dad and me, a wall between us and Amanda and Pam as well.
“What's going on?” Terry asks, voice calm yet firm.
“I was just explaining to Dad that people deserve second chances. Fathers, especially.”
Terry's eyes narrow and he gives me a look that says, Are you sure about that?
“Leo?” Pam gasps, looking like a deer in headlights.
Leo's in the foyer, neck tipped up, eyes taking in the high ceiling, the double staircase, the whole nine yards. Because I grew up here, I don't think about how it looks to others.
But he lets out a long, slow whistle. “Heya, Pammy. Check out these digs.”
My mother-in-law is one for polite laughs, so it's rare to hear her completely let loose, but now is one of those times. Raucous laughter, the nervous kind that bubbles out under tension, comes out of her like Silly String being sprayed by a four-year-old at the family dog.
“Leo,” is all Pam can say in between giggles.
“Hey.” Leo's gaze settles on Amanda. “Hi, Mandy. I hope you don't mind. You gave me your address and I know I shoulda texted or called but I was afraid you'd say no, and I didn't want to bug you. I didn't know if the babies had come yet, but I wanted to see you either way. A buddy lent me his car, but today was the only day I could use it and maybe it was wrong and man, I'm feeling like a jerk right now, so...” He takes a deep breath after all those words, unnerved by Amanda's silence.
All she can do is stare.
His eyes cast down, and his head dips into a submissive posture. Shoulders dropping, he turns back to the door. “I'll–I'll go now. I shouldn't've come.”
“NO!” Amanda stands up, then bends over, clutching her pillow with one arm, Charlie with the other. In an instant, I'm next to her, the searing pain of this moment something I can practically taste.
“No,” she says softly as I ease her down, taking Charlie out of her arms. “No, Dad. Please stay.” Raised eyebrows and a sad smile are all she can manage as she looks at Pam.
Who nods.
Then walks out of the room toward the kitchen.
“Hello,” poor Leo says to Dad. He shuffles closer to Amanda, his gaze on Will as he walks past.
Dad says nothing, eyes deadly.
Terry walks over to me and whispers, “Leo is Leo Leo? Amanda's dad?”
“Yes.”
“Holy smokes.”
“Uh huh.”
“Want some whisky?”
I look at our father, who is watching us with the narrow-eyed expression of a man trying to figure out how to dominate. “Nope. Later. Need all my wits right now.”
“How about I offer Dad a whisky?”
“Perfect.”
Always able to work a room, Terry gives me an aggravated look that says he isn't a fan of Dad's, but he loves me enough as a brother to help out–but man, is this a pain.
All in one glance.
My quick nod says back, I acknowledge your sacrifice, and thanks for saving me from doing it.
Grace gives Terry a hug as he approaches Dad, who is suddenly focused on them and not on me. Leo, meanwhile, stands nervously next to Amanda. I'm on her other side, holding my son, who snurgles as he settles into the crook of my neck.
“You okay, Mandy? I can go.”
“Stay,” she says, looking up at the baby. “Stay and meet Charlie and Will.”
“Those are the names you gave them?”
Her cheeks go pink as she nods.
“Fine names. Good, solid ones. No one ever picks on a Charlie or a Will.” Tentative, Leo puts his hand on Amanda's shoulder. She gives him an apologetic smile.
“I'd stand up again, but that hurt.”
“Hurt?” He pauses. “Oh. Right.”
“I had a c-section. My incision is still really raw.”
“Had to cut the babies out? That's tough.”
“Want to meet him?” I ask as Leo looks at his watch.
“I–maybe I should go. My buddy really does need his car back soon.”
“Not before holding your grandsons,” I say firmly.
The juxtaposition of my own dad in the room with Amanda's dad, and the fury my father has for a guy he's never met, makes me realize their abandonment wasn't all that different. Dad parented from an extreme distance when it came to the emotional and day-to-day stuff, but up close when it came to high expectations and peak performance.
Which drove us away emotionally.
Leo tried, but like my father, he has limitations.
Don't we all?
What will mine be when it comes to being a good parent?
Handing Charlie off to Leo makes Amanda's eyes fill with tears, Leo's mouth quivering just as Charlie wiggles in his arms, the baby's head in the crook of his arm, Leo's shirt sleeve pulling up over his shoulder.
“Haven't held one of these since you,” he says in a thick voice, talking to Amanda but not looking at her.
Just then, Pam comes back into the room, holding a sleeping Will. She comes to a dead halt as she spots Leo, as if she still can't believe he's here. Spritzy dances at her feet, doing the pee performance pet owners know all too well.
“I've got the dog,” Gerald says, scooping him up and taking him unceremoniously out to the kitchen. A door slams and Pam opens her mouth.
Then shuts it, like closing a time capsule.
“Thank you, Pammy,” Leo says, humble and hard-won, his arms dark with a tan, the shoulder cap white as a newborn's butt. The farmer's tan speaks to long, hard labor, and I wonder how much of that took place in prison.
“For what?” she asks, shoulders dropping with sadness.
“For raising a good girl. A good girl who is a mom now.” He turns. “You done good, Mandy. You done real good, and I thank you for being kind to me.”
Terry, Dad, and Grace are watching, all in a row, triplets holding highball glasses with amber liquid coping skills. Dad's mouth drops open as Terry gives a soft-hearted smile, and Grace tilts her head, taking it all in, her hand going to James's forearm.
Dad just clears his throat and kicks back another mouthful.
“Why wouldn't I be kind?” Amanda asks as Pam moves next to Leo, holding Will next to Charlie.
“Trade?” Pam asks before Leo can reply to Amanda.
“Sure. Whatever you want, Pammy. “
Amanda's crying openly on the sofa, watching her parents together like it's the greatest fireworks display ever, like she's watching a meteor, like a triple rainbow lights up her favorite waterfall. Luminous and ethereal, she's observing a wonder of the world, but a very flawed, human one.