I hold my breath, wondering if she’s going to answer me or not.
“No, I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight.”
“I can call him back and see if he can meet tomorrow,” I offer, even though I know she already heard me try to move the meeting.
“No, really, it’s fine. I’m going to shower and go to bed. I’ll see you later,” she says right before she shuts the door to the bathroom.
I walk toward the closed door and am about to open it when I hear the shower turn on. Rest. I’m going to let her rest, and then we’ll talk about everything when I get back.
5
Rose
He doesn’t even realize he forgot to send me our signal from the pitcher’s mound before the first pitch.
Brody talked non-stop about the game and interviews, and I didn’t want to be a killjoy for him. It was obvious that he was really happy about how the game went and the benefits of his performance paying off with the added attention clearly had him over the moon.
Brody wasn’t the kind of guy who coasted through life. He’d worked his butt off to get where he was, and now that it was finally paying off, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about what I was feeling.
I get into a sexy, silky number and get into bed to wait for him. Brody is downstairs in the lobby with his agent for hours, and I wonder why I’m wasting my life following him around when it really doesn’t seem to matter if I’m there or not.
If I wasn’t following the games, he’d be taking the team bus, spending his time in training or on the phone with his agent, and going out with his friends to blow off steam just as he’d done while I’d been finishing school.
When Brody comes to bed still wet from a quick shower, he groans because he’ll only get a few hours of sleep before he has to report for the team meeting, then if he’s lucky he’ll have time to pack before we travel to the next town for the next game.
He’s tired, and I don’t want to start a discussion with him now, knowing that we won’t be able to finish it and work it out. Brody kisses me with a quick peck before falling asleep.
Lying there with one of his arms draped over my stomach, I realize I only spoke with Brody three times the entire day. Once to wish him good luck and to be safe when he left the hotel really early that morning, and then again to brush off his lateness in reaching the parking lot from the game, and then the third time when I told him I wouldn’t be joining him and his agent.
It hurt to face the truth of my situation. Following him around as I am, I am losing myself and my self-respect, and though it is happening slowly, I am losing Brody’s respect as well. At least when he’d been back to visit me between games when I was in school, he’d turn his phone off and give me his full and undivided attention. He’d ask me about what was going on with me and wanted to know.
I couldn’t blame him for not asking me those same questions now since all I am doing is fighting traffic, and beginning to recognize some of the hotel staff from when we’d come through town the week or month before.
I can’t keep doing this. I need to find my sense of purpose and figure out what I’m doing, and find out if this is really the life I want.
Brody
The team meeting went over in time, but I’m not going to complain since it was the praise I received from the coach and team manager that put the meeting in overtime.
I wasn’t too worried because I knew that Rose would notice that I wasn’t back, and she’d help me out by beginning to get my things packed up.
I use the hotel fob key to open the hotel room, and I’m pleasantly surprised to find that Rose has already packed up all of her things as well as mine. She seems a little nervous, and I figure it’s because I’ve gone and let my job monopolize so much of our time again. Last night she looked so sexy, and I’d wanted to devour her, but I’d seen how tired she was when I climbed into bed next to her.
I mentally kick myself for not at least telling her that she was beautiful. Rose is worrying her lower lip as I kiss her. “Thank you for getting us both all packed up.”
Thinking I can make up for my fumble the night before, I run my hands down her arm suggestively. “How about a quickie?” I suggest, nuzzling her neck.
She pulls back and cocks a sexy brow at me. “We have twelve minutes.”
“I know I can make great use of that time,” I tell her, pulling her shirt off her shoulder and kissing her collarbone.
“We need to talk.” She interrupts me and I know it’s serious that instead of staying in my arms, she pulls completely away and walks across the room, turning back to me with her arms crossed in front of her. “I’m feeling invisible to you and to myself lately, and I feel like I’ve lost my purpose.”
She seems to go on and on, but all I’m hearing is that I should have made love to her last night so she’d know she’s right where she should be.
Taking her hands in mine, I kiss her fingers. “I’m going to make it all up to you when we get to Seattle.”
The timer on my watch goes off, signaling that the twelve minutes is up. “We need to get downstairs and board shuttles and busses.”
I pick up my suitcase and go to pick up hers, but Rose takes it, insisting that she’d better take her own. We start down the hallway toward the elevator, and I try to pick up where we left off, promising I’ll make it up to her when we’re in Seattle.
I push the elevator button, still talking, and as the bell dings, signaling the elevator to the left has arrived, Rose tells me, “You know, things have been rough for a while between us. We have sex and it’s like a Band-Aid, but it’s not fixing anything.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We need some time apart to re-evaluate our situation and what we’re doing,” she says.
“I know what we’re doing, and we’re right on track.”
The elevator doors open, and I’m glad there isn’t anyone inside. We get in, and I press the lobby button.
Rose takes a breath and turns to me as she says, “We both need to take a step back, whether you realize it or not. I’m not going to Seattle. I’m going home to Forest Grove for a little while.”
What does that mean? Is she leaving me? We’re splitting up? Why?
Controlling my emotions as I have to do in games, I calmly ask the most important question of the many that are firing in my head. “Is this a break, or are we breaking up?”
“It’s just a break, a few weeks, maybe a month of me not following you around on the road.”
“The rest of the summer?” I can’t help keeping the bite out of my tone.
The doors open, and more people get on the elevator, preventing me from insisting as I want to do that she come with me to Seattle so we can discuss things further and in private before she leaves.
Limited in what I can say without causing a scene, I say, “There may not be any flights available this late. You might as well take the flight to Seattle, and from there you can—”
“I already arranged for my flight back,” Rose says, cutting in.