“Why’d ya do it?” The question confuses me. I dart a quick glance her way, and see Belinda’s head is thrown back against the headrest and her eyes are closed. I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or dreaming out loud. “Why’d you do it, Luke?”
“Do what, Bee?”
“Break my heart. Then disappear.” She makes a humming noise. “You just…poof”—her fingers come up, making an arch before bursting away—“went away.”
Her words hit me hard.
I had been a coward. Plain and simple. I hadn’t been prepared for the woman she’d become and on the night she was referring to, Brendan had warned me away from her when he caught me staring. All the feelings I’d had for her got twisted up and pulled apart, all because I didn’t want to upset a friend. But I knew I had walked away from something great.
It hurt me to know how deeply she felt about me. If I was being honest with myself, she was the reason I decided to take the new security job here, closer to home.
My feelings for her had only grown stronger with distance.
The job in Austin had been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And while passing it up would have been stupid, leaving without talking to Belinda had been an epically dumb move. I’d built a name for myself while I was away, now I need to lay it all on the line for a future with Belinda. I had always been hers. Now I had to make her mine.
Thank goodness this is the season of miracles. I am going to need all the help I can get.
The car descends into silence, the only noise the crunch of the tires beneath the snow and Belinda’s soft snores. Turning into her apartment building, I park as gently as I can and carry her inside. Her head finds the nook of my shoulder and she snuggles in, arms wrapping around my neck instinctually. Pride spreads through me.
Getting to her floor and into her apartment proves to be a challenging balancing act. Not wanting to put her down, I dig through her purse, my arm and abs burning at holding us upright. When I finally find her keys, hidden away in a side pocket, I let us in and kick off my boots. I pad farther into her place, trying to find the light switch with my elbow. I am not prepared for what appears.
“Whoa.” That one simple switch flip activated Christmas within the apartment. Belinda really went all out this year. Having an apartment to herself allowed her to decorate every inch of the space.
Shaking my head, I head in the direction of Belinda’s room. It looks like every square inch of the apartment is covered with some kind of holiday decoration. The hallway is lined with fake garland and blinking lights.
She doesn’t stir as I lay her on the bed. Methodically, not thinking about what I’m actually doing, I start to take off her winter jacket and boots. Each item falls to the floor with a thud. I pause, wondering if I should take off the elf costume as well. The weird suspender things can’t be comfortable with so many buttons.
Gritting my teeth, I go for it. She’s wearing striped tights and a long-sleeved top underneath. It should be fine. It wasn’t like I was stripping her bare. I was just helping to make her comfortable as she slept off the allergy meds. That’s what I keep telling myself, but my hands shake as I shimmy the tiny shorts down her legs.
She moans. She fucking moans as I pull the last bit of material off and she snuggles into her bed. Sweat breaks out along my brow. She looks so beautiful against the dark green comforter. Her skin glowing in the dim light.
I need to get out of here. I’m only so strong. And a big part of me wants to curl up next to her and hold her through the night. I can’t do that yet. I still have a big secret to tell her and a past to make up for.
With one last look, I back out of the room and head toward the blinding twinkling lights that wait for me in the living room. Shrugging out of my jacket, I pull my phone from the front pocket and check to see if Brendan has responded to any of my calls or messages. No one could find him at the event when Bee had her allergic reaction, and I tried to get in touch with him to let him know what was happening.
A sadistic part of me is happy Brendan never picked up. It meant that I could be the one to watch over Bee. I could stay by her side and soak in more of her light and goodness. I need more of that in my life.
Shooting off one more text to let him know that everything is fine, and where to find us, I place the phone on the kitchen table and grab the street clothes I shoved in Belinda’s bag. I change quickly, coming back into the main space and take in the room again. The space does look spectacular. There’s a wall of hanging twinkle lights, a small Christmas village on two levels of her bookshelf and the area under her window has been made to look like a fireplace. It’s the tree though that holds my attention as I go closer to take in all the decorations. Memories come flooding back of Babcia and Belinda stringing cranberries and popcorn together, all of us sitting around the tree when I came over for Christmas movie night. I rub at my chest, feeling content.
With Belinda still sleeping off the medication she was given, I’m at a loss for what to do. There’s no way I’m leaving. Belinda and I need to have a serious conversation and I really don’t like the idea of her waking up alone after such a dramatic afternoon.
Maybe making dinner would relax me. That idea crumbles around me when I yank her fridge door open and see bare shelves. There’s no actual food. All she has is a couple sticks of butter, eggs, a small bag of bread and what looks like yogurt, but I can’t be sure. Of course she would have baking staples but no actual food. I grin.
Reaching for my cell, I pull up my favorite food app and scroll through the options. All the delivery times are over an hour’s wait. Weird. Rounding the small love seat in the living room, I go to the window and curse when I see the snow. It has not let up and is falling faster than before.
Knowing that the weather is complete shit makes the wait time a little more bearable. By the time the food gets here I’ll be starving. I should have eaten more at the event, but Amelia kept hounding me and finding ways to corner me away from everyone else. The first couple times I politely excused myself but after that my patience was shot. I had no time for women who liked to play games or demean others for fun. The way she treated Belinda today, taunting her with an old childish nickname, was unforgivable. I’d tried to get Belinda’s attention when I became surrounded, but she never picked up on my signal for help.
I decide on pizza, thinking that even if it arrives cold the meal will be good. Reheating pizza isn’t the worst thing in the world. And on a night like this, a hot, comforting meal was needed. When that’s done, I collapse on the sofa, thinking I’ll turn on the TV and get lost in a show. Something sharp pokes me in the side as I try to get comfortable.
Her Kindle. I smile, liking that Belinda is still an avid reader. Pressing the device on, I tap the screen to go into her library. Wow. There are some steamy covers here. Intrigued, I tap on a title that is marked “read” at the top. Bringing the book back to the first chapter, I begin to read. I intend just to see what she’s reading, but I get hooked. Kicking my feet up, I settle in and lose myself in a fictional world.
Slice of Heaven
Belinda
It’s the uncomfortable heat that registers first. Blinking one eye open, I squint into the dark room. There’s barely any light except for a small beam coming through the bottom of my bedroom door. Slowly, I begin to move, hoisting myself over and onto my back. That small move makes cool air hit my face and neck. Sweet relief.