“Daddy! Mandy and I want to go in the ball pit! Can we? Can we? Please!” Gianna tugs on the side of my jeans.
I look down at her and nod. “Of course, princess. Let’s head over there.”
The four of us walk to the ball pit and maze of plastic tubes. Kids running around like monkeys and their parents chasing after them surround us. The girls flick their shoes off and dart to the ball pit while Ryker and I place them in adjacent cubbies.
We make sure to have a good view of the girls and take a seat on one of the nearby benches.
“I don’t know, Enz. I love Justine. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m not so sure she always loves me, you know?” Ryker finally says more than asks.
I lean forward and place my elbows on my knees. “I totally understand, and I sort of sensed it. That’s why I asked. It’s a difficult situation, but you definitely shouldn’t be with someone if you don’t feel they love you as much as you love them.”
“What about Mandy? I love seeing my little girl every day. The thought of being away from her again for days and sometimes weeks at a time kills me.” He stares at her as she plays with Gianna in the ball pit, and I know it would really tear him up inside to be away from her again.
I frown. I know where he’s coming from because I would hate not to see my baby every single day. I’ve never been through what he has, but I know for a fact I would be devastated. Nothing means more to me than my princess.
“I know, Ryke. It’s not something easy to go through. I’m praying things get better and she’ll change and realize what she has.”
“I hope so too, bro. Thanks.”
I straighten and look at him. “For what?”
He shrugs. “For always having my back. For always looking out for me. For being the brother I never had.”
I place an arm on his shoulder. “Of course, man. We’re bros for life. You know I got you and your little girl, no matter what.”
I could be mistaken, but he looks like he’s getting a little teary-eyed.
“Thanks, Lorenzo.”
I nod and sit back, letting my arm fall to the side.
Then he takes me by surprise. “So… How about Carissa?”
The mention of her name sends shivers up and down my spine. Fuck, she was something else. The way she looked Friday night… I could stare at her all evening.
Those lips of hers fucking called out to me so many times. I wanted to taste them so badly. Lord knows how many times they’ve crossed my mind, as well as all they can do.
Fuck. I need to get these thoughts off my brain. This isn’t the damn time nor place for it.
But fuck, I was so close to kissing her. Both times I tried, I chickened out. I couldn’t do it. I was afraid and nervous. What if she’d pull away? What if she didn’t want me to?
I was also very skeptical about bringing Gianna up in the conversation. My baby girl is my number one priority, but how would she feel about it? If I would have sensed she had a problem with me being a dad, I would have been gone. If someone can’t accept my baby girl, then I know for sure they’re not the one for me. We come as a package deal.
And Sylvia… I was about to tell Carissa about her, but I couldn’t bring myself to get into it. Maybe another day, but Friday wasn’t it.
I know if there is any chance of this going anywhere, I will need to tell her about Sylvia. For now, I want to keep things light and easy.
Damn, holding back from kissing her had not been easy at all. I was so close to leaning in and stealing a kiss from those succulent lips of hers… luscious lips…
Then Sylvia’s face came to the front of my mind, so I left without looking back. Lord knows I had wanted to stay and kiss her, but I couldn’t handle the guilt.
And yet, since I’ve met her, all I can think about is her. Even more so now since Friday. I think I’m falling for her.
Does that make me a bad guy? Does it mean I’m forgetting about Sylvia?
I frown and look at Ryker, not knowing what to say.
“What? What’s the matter, bro? She ducking you?”
I shake my head. “No. Not at all. As a matter of fact, we’ve been nonstop talking and texting since that night. I can’t get her out of my mind.”
He smiles. “That’s awesome, man. So why do you look like something is wrong?”
I shrug, take a deep breath, and look at my daughter, the spitting image of her mother. “How can I even begin to entertain the thought of being with another woman, bro? I look at Gianna, and all I see is Sylvs. How can I ever go down that route again?”
Ryker waves at the girls who just shouted excitedly to grab our attention. “Sure, Gianna does look like Sylvia a lot, but don’t forget she’s got a lot of you too. Look at her,” he says, pointing at my daughter. “That’s your smile right there.”
It’s true. I’ve heard so many times that my baby girl has my smile. I see it too. But the rest is all her mother. Okay, and maybe she has my strong-willed character too.
“I know,” I say, not adding any more.
“Enz, you’ve gotta think of it this way. Sylvia would never have wanted you or Gianna to be sad or suffer. She wouldn’t want to think it’s because of her that you’re holding back. It’s been five years, dude. I think it’s okay if you start dating again. Hell, it’s even okay if you fall in love again. It doesn’t mean you stopped loving your wife. Sylvia will always have a special place in your heart.”
For the first time since meeting Ryker, he’s speaking words with so much depth.
“Just think about it, bro. You don’t have to marry her,” he says.
He’s right. Holding myself back isn’t working. Carissa is on my mind all the time. When I’m not with her, we’re talking through text or on the phone. She’s not texting me now because she knows I’m out with Ryker. I told her it would be all right, but she insisted for me to just text her when I get back. She wanted me to enjoy time with my friend and our kids.
“You’re right, bro,” I say.
“Oh, I love hearing that. Tell me again.”
I chuckle and hit Ryker in the arm. “Shut up, ass.”
“I would say go get some right now, but I think I’ll lay off the jokes for a while.”
“Thanks, bro.”
“Anytime, Enz. Anytime.”
I put Gianna to bed and plop down onto the couch, pulling out my phone. I go into the text messaging app and bring up my conversation with Carissa.
I look at her picture on top and bite down on my bottom lip. She’s beautiful. I still can’t get over what a dumbass her ex was.
Me: Hey, beautiful. I just put Gianna to bed. We got home a little while ago. How was your day?
I hit send before I even realize I called her beautiful. I don’t think I should have said it, but hopefully she doesn’t take it the wrong way.
I turn on the TV and flip through some channels. Nothing remotely entertaining catches my eye, but I only like silence when I’m lying in bed. Moments later, her reply comes through.
Carissa: Hey! Did you guys have fun? I’m about to drive home… I had to work last minute. My friend asked if I could fill in for her. It’s been a long day. I can’t wait to go home and lie in bed.