“Yes, sir,” David said.
“Now get out of here,” I said. “Find something else to learn.”
The three hurried out of the office as I spotted Jackson walking toward my office.
He poked his head in. “I need a lawyer.”
“For what?” I asked.
“I’m being accused of theft.”
“Theft?”
“I stole Callie’s heart,” he said.
“Oh, fuck,” I said. I rolled my eyes. “You’re a prick, man.”
Jackson laughed. “What? Don’t be jealous of me.”
“I’m not.”
“Oh, I think you are,” Jackson said as he walked to my desk. “Want me to explain why?”
“Sure,” I said.
He put his hands to the desk and smiled. “I fucked my coworker. I fucked the woman I hated the most. I fucked my frenemy. I married her for money. I did everything wrong yet it all turned out perfectly fine. And the sex now? Some mornings I wake up and look at my dick and I swear the thing smiles back at me.”
“Your dick smiles back at you?”
“Yeah,” Jackson said. “The hole… it kind of curves and looks like a smile.”
“If your dick hole is curved, you need a doctor,” I said.
“I bet yours is a frown. Tired of shooting loads down the drain. Tired of seeing the palm of your hand.”
I took a deep breath. “You came all the way over here to break my balls about Miranda?”
“Of course I did. What’s a best friend for?”
“How about you try being supportive?” I asked. “Talk to me. I talk to you. Just talk about life.”
“No way,” Jackson said. “Not with you. My life is perfect. I don’t need your sad life brushing up against mine.”
“Okay, get out of here,” I said. “Now.”
Jackson’s phone rang. “Oh, look at this… it’s Callie… she wants to FaceTime.”
A second later, Callie’s face appeared on the screen.
“Hey, sweetie,” Jackson said.
“Hey,” Callie’s voice said. “Where are you?”
“I’m at Liam’s office. Picking the pieces of his life up off the floor.”
“What happened?” Callie asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “It’s just your husband being the giant prick that he is.”
“Jackson,” Callie said. “Will you leave him alone?”
“Can’t do that,” Jackson said. “What’s going on, sweetie?”
“Just wanted to let you know, I got Donelly to sign.”
“No fucking way,” Jackson said.
“Yup,” she said. “It’s a great deal too.”
“You poached another one from me,” he said.
“See you later.”
“Callie, wait,” Jackson said.
“What?” she asked.
“Liam is having a rough one here,” Jackson said. “How about you flash him really quick? Cheer him up?”
Jackson turned his phone around.
I put my hand up and braced myself… just because I wasn’t sure how crazy Callie was.
“I’m not going to do it, Liam,” Callie said.
“Okay. Good. I mean… you know… I’m sure your… I’m sure they’re good looking…”
“Goodbye, Liam. Goodbye, Jackson.”
Callie ended the call.
“You’re an asshole,” I said to Jackson.
“That I am,” he said. “But, hey, I was willing to give you a peek. I don’t mind. We’re best friends. Right?”
“I don’t want to see Callie’s tits,” I said. “Ever.”
“You sure about that? They’re fucking amazing, man.”
“Okay, what is it that you wanted, Jackson?” I asked.
“Gym and drinks later?”
“Of course,” I said.
He slapped the desk. “Perfect. And, hey, I’m just fucking around. Okay? I’m trying to be happy for you. I know you hate me sometimes, but my best friend who had shaggy hair, used to skateboard while smoking a joint, looking like a bum. Remember that?”
“That was a long time ago,” I said. “We’ve all changed.”
“I just miss you, man. I feel like ever since you popped the question, it’s been different. You’ve been different. This whole thing…”
“You don’t have to like Miranda.”
“I know that.”
“But respect me. And her.”
“I do,” he said. “She’s just not the one, man.”
“You’re not me, Jackson.”
“I’m like your right hand.”
“I have a ton of work here…”
“And as your right hand, I can confirm that your dick hole frowns,” Jackson said.
He pointed at me and smiled.
Then he walked out of the office.
I shook my head.
Sometimes I wondered if I needed a new best friend.
The day moved by in a fury of emails and phone calls.
That’s just how all the days were.
Right around lunchtime I spotted Jacob in the hallway with his fiancée.
She was a pretty young woman.
Janelle.
The other interns gave him hell for being so serious so young.
But Jacob and Janelle met in eighth grade and started dating when they were juniors in high school. He went to law school and she became a nurse.
There was nothing wrong with their life or what they were doing.
They were in love and happy together.
I strolled to my office door.
Janelle had a brown paper bag with her.
As she lifted it, David swung by and swiped it out of her hand.
“David, come on,” Jacob said.
“Bringing you lunch? Is she your mother?” David asked. “Let’s see what’s in here…”
I let out a whistle.
They all looked at me.
“Put that bag down on that chair,” I said and pointed.
David put the bag down.
“Now rip it open,” I said.
“What?” Jacob asked.
“Stay out of it, Jacob,” I said. “David, do what I said.”
David ripped the bag open.
A bunch of random food fell out onto the chair.
“Now plop your fat ass down,” I said. “On the food.”
“You want me to sit on Jacob’s lunch?” David asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Sit. Squirm. Make a mess of yourself. Right now.”
“But I-”
“You’re fired,” I said.
“Shit, okay,” David said.
He sat down and wiggled his ass, crushing the food and making a mess of the chair and himself.
“Now,” I said, “stand up and go find something to clean the chair with. And don’t ever act like that again.”
David’s face turned red and he hung his head as he walked away.
I nodded to Jacob. “Stand up for yourself, kid. Knock his teeth down his throat.”
“Won’t Jacob get fired for that?” Janelle asked.