“Yeah. I hope so.”
His mum wanted them to stay for lunch, and Stan agreed before Ben could silently ask him if that was okay. He figured it would probably take some time to rebuild his relationship with his mum, but staying for lunch and letting her feed them was a good first step.
He wanted to reconnect with Mark, too, and the triplets, but that was probably going to be harder. Mark hadn’t exactly hidden his displeasure at some of Ben’s behaviour. Which Ben accepted—he’d been a horrible person and needed to earn their trust back. Now he was planning on being in London for the foreseeable future, it would hopefully be easier to start building those bridges again.
They left after lunch, before Mark and the kids got back from the football, and because Ben thought there was only so much he could do or say in one meeting. Now that the door was open to go back to his mum’s, he’d make an effort. He would. Because she mattered.
Ben’s other stop of the day was to fulfil a promise.
They got the train back to London, not because it was easier or quicker, but because Ben couldn’t face sitting in traffic trying to get back into the city again. Being on the train was different. He paid for first-class tickets and let himself look at Stan for a while, basking in being close to him.
Under the table, he hooked his foot around Ben’s.
“I’m okay,” Ben said. “Honestly. I feel better for having seen her.”
“I know I don’t exactly have the easiest relationship with my parents,” Stan said carefully. “Well, it’s easier now that I don’t go home, and they don’t have to see me.”
“I still think that’s bullshit, for what it’s worth.”
“It is what it is.”
Stan could shrug it off, so Ben tried to as well. He knew being like Stan in an extremely conservative country wasn’t easy. Stan did what he had to do to keep his relationships with his family in a place where everyone was happy.
“Thank you for coming with me today.”
“That’s okay. I thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. I like your mum.”
Ben smiled at him. “Me too. I want to see her more often. Maybe when I get somewhere new to live, she can come to London and see it.”
“That would be nice,” Stan agreed.
Ben dozed on the train journey and almost startled awake when they pulled into Paddington station. When Stan subtly suggested they take the underground back to Camden, Ben surprised himself by agreeing. The entire tube network would be bustling this late on a Saturday afternoon, which was better for not being noticed. People weren’t paying attention to anyone else the same way they sometimes did when the trains were less busy.
“Are we going home now?” Stan asked when they transferred to the Northern line.
“We can if you want. But there’s something else I want to do.”
“I don’t have plans.”
Camden station was a nightmare, as usual, but it wasn’t far around the corner to get to where Ben wanted to go. He stopped in front of the building, and Stan looked up at the sign above the door.
“You’re getting a tattoo?”
“Getting one covered up,” he corrected.
Stan leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Good.”
Here, too, Ben was greeted like an old friend. It helped that they’d all known Joey for a long time, well before Ares was even Ares.
“You fucking dickhead,” Joey laughed, pulling Ben into a hug. “How’s it going?”
“Not bad,” Ben said and slapped Joey’s back. “I’ve been worse.”
“Come on through.”
Ben reached back blindly for Stan’s hand, pleased when he felt Stan’s fingers wrap around his own.
Joey wasn’t the first person who had tattooed Ben, but Ben had gotten a fair few of his tattoos from Joey in the years since. He’d been the one to put the eagle on Ben’s sternum, and since then Ben had been more likely to go back to Joey’s place than anywhere else.
Like most tattoo artists, Joey was covered in tattoos himself, up his neck and down over his hands. He shaved his head and wore a nose ring, and subscribed to the ‘straight edge’ lifestyle—a subculture of the punk scene. For a long time Ben had thought he was batshit crazy. A nice guy, but batshit. Now he was starting to change his mind. The idea of going without drugs or alcohol or tobacco, and eating vegan and cutting out caffeine, all seemed like things that might actually help him.
“I blocked out a couple of hours to do this,” Joey said, gesturing for Ben to hop up onto his bench. “If it doesn’t take that long, I’ll just pick up some walk-ins.”
“Sounds good.”
“Any idea what you want?”
“I’m open to suggestions. Not a rose or anything, though. Something cool. Maybe space-y.”
“Alright, let’s have a look.”
Ben pulled up his shirt, and Stan shook his head again.
“I’m with you,” Joey said, stepping back so he and Stan could get a better look at the amorous stick men. “That’s terrible.”
“I know. Just cover it up and let this go down as one of my bad ideas corrected.”
“How about a planet?” Stan suggested.
Joey cocked his head to the side. “That could work. Something realistic? Because the lines are so thin I should be able to disguise them pretty easily with shading.”
“I think that would work with the other designs he has too,” Stan said.
“I haven’t done any planets in a while. Could be fun. Let me have a look.”
He went to a laptop that was covered in stickers and pulled up some pictures of moon tattoos.
“Like that,” Stan said, pointing to one design.
“I can do that,” Joey agreed. “Ben?”
“Works for me.”
Ben took his shirt off completely, feeling self-conscious in a way he hadn’t during any other tattoo appointment, and not just because of how bad his tattoo choices had been in recent years. Joey hadn’t seen him this skinny before, and Ben had become more and more aware of it in the past few weeks. Stan didn’t keep bathroom scales in the flat, for obvious reasons, but there were some in one of the bathrooms at the house.
Ben figured he’d lost at least twenty, maybe thirty pounds in the past few years. It didn’t look good on him. Instead of dwelling on it, Ben reached for Stan’s hand and looked at him while Joey got all his equipment together.
They hadn’t had sex again since the first time, and Ben wanted to, but the thought of planning it made him nervous. They were taking it slow, like Stan had wanted. Ben was okay with that. His body was a different matter, though. Logically, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to fix himself overnight. It had taken a long time to get to this point.
Baby steps. All of this was baby steps.
Joey snapped on black gloves and got the transfer together while Stan sat next to Ben and worked through emails on his phone. When Joey was ready, Ben leaned back and closed his eyes.
“Ready for this?” Joey asked.
“Yeah.”
Ben wondered if this would be his last tattoo. He hadn’t gotten any in a while, not since the last couple which had not been done in good conditions—either his mental state or the actual location. Getting tattoos at house parties wasn’t a good idea. Ever.