“I’m sorry,” she panted. “I need to tell you something.”
“Let me guess. You’re not attracted to me?” he laughed breathlessly. He leaned forward again and nibbled on the lobe of her ear, making her shiver violently.
“No, it’s definitely not that,” she said shakily. “I think that’s painfully obvious.”
“What are you talking about, painful? It suits me just fine,” he purred.
“I just...there’s something I need to tell you, Trevor, before things go any further. I’m...I’m a virgin. I’ve never been with a man. I mean, I’ve fooled around, but—”
She trailed off, looking down at her hands. She had never felt so wretched in her life. Her head was spinning with how quickly things had switched from one mood to another. She knew even before her admission was all the way out of her mouth that it would mean the end of whatever had been about to happen between them.
“Whoa,” he said shakily, pulling back to a safe distance. “I had no idea, Lacey. We need to slow down, think this through. I don’t think I’m ready for anything like that.”
Lacey simply sat, letting his rejection sink in and do its work. She could argue the point, of course. She could even think of plenty of things to say, things that might or might not do the trick. She could, for example, tell him that he had always been the one she had imagined losing her virginity to in the first place. She could tell him that on nights when the darkness was complete and sleep seemed an entire lifetime away, her fantasies of him had helped lull her to sleep. Except that would have been begging, or close enough not to make a difference. She was humiliated already. She had no desire to make the experience worse.
On top of everything, the voice of her mother was whispering in her head. Lacey had been raised by a single mother, her father's name unmentioned. More times than Lacey could count, her mother had talked about the dangers that men presented. It only took one time, one moment of weakness, and then her life would be ruined. The statements had been designed to terrify, and they had done their job well. Now that the heat of the moment had been doused with a cold dose of rejection, those concerns returned front and center.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Trevor stammered, reaching for her hand. “I’m not—I don’t want to take something away from you. That’s serious business.”
"No, I know," she said, keeping her voice friendly but undeniably tense. She pulled her hand back quickly and with a tad more aggression than was strictly necessary. He winced, and momentarily, she was pleased to see it. He'd made her feel like an utter fool. Maybe it would do him good. She knew she wasn't being fair, but it sure made her feel a little better.
“I’m going to bed,” she said, standing abruptly.
Trevor shifted on the couch as if he wasn’t sure whether he should get up and try to stop her. In the end, he remained seated. “You don’t have to do that, Lacey. We were having a nice time, weren’t we? We can finish the wine.”
"We could," she nodded. "But I'm exhausted, and I think some sleep will do me a world of good."
“Sure, if you say so,” Trevor said, although he didn’t look convinced. “But hey, no hard feelings, right?”
“Right,” she said, swallowing hard. “No hard feelings.”
She wanted it to be true. She had no doubt that it would be—eventually. Still, she was glad he couldn’t see her face as she hurried toward the stairs and the solace of her room.
10
Things were tense in the McCall house after the stupid stunt that Trevor had pulled. Every time he walked past the couch, he cringed, remembering what he wanted to forget with unfortunate clarity. He couldn't pass through his living room without feeling Lacey's body pressed up against him. He wanted to apologize to her again. The problem was, he wasn't the kind of man who doled out apologies easily, and he didn't know how to approach the thing without making her feel bad all over again. He had seen the hurt and embarrassment on her face plain as day, and it killed him to know that he had been the one to put it there.
The town-wide Easter Egg hunt provided the perfect change-up in their schedules to pull them out of their funk. He’d run the idea past Lacey the day before, nervous about talking to her and feeling like an idiot because of it. He kept envisioning scenarios where she told him what a terrible guy he was and stormed out, gone for good. He’d had women storm out on him before, and he’d never lost much sleep over it. With Lacey, though, he had a feeling things would be different. He didn’t want to see her go, and not just because he needed her help with childcare. He’d been relieved when she had agreed that the special event would be a good break for Jade, and he was on the verge of manic now that they had finally arrived.
"Oh!" Lacey said, startled when Trevor practically sprinted around the front of his truck to her door. When he opened it, she hesitated for a moment before getting out, giving him a rueful look. It made his chest hurt to see her glancing at him that way, but he did his best to smile. After all, he had earned the reaction.
“People still do this, right?” he asked with a laugh that sounded way too nervous to be natural. “Open doors for women, I mean?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a small smile. “I mean, I’m sure they do, but I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had a guy open a car door for me before.”
“What? Are you kidding me?” Trevor asked, taking her hand to help her down from the cab.
She flinched a little at his touch, another awful thing he had most certainly earned. He did his best to ignore the jolt of electricity he felt when their two hands touched, as well as to clear his head of the image of her flushed face and shining eyes when he’d kissed her.
He was good at ignoring things until they went away. It was a skill he’d been practicing for the better part of his life.
“Nope, no kidding,” she said with a small, sad smile. “I’m not much for going out on dates, in case you couldn’t tell. Anyway, this day isn’t about me, is it? It’s about Miss Jade.”
“Yeah!” Jade crowed from the backseat, waving her bright pink plastic basket in the air enthusiastically. “Let me out!”
"All right, little lady, I'm coming for you," Trevor chuckled. He opened the door wider and started wrestling with the buckle of her safety seat, struggling a bit as always. Playing parent to a little kid had a steep learning curve, but as it turned out, he didn't hate it. In fact, he was starting to feel like it was the most worthwhile thing he had done in a long, long time.
“Your face looks funny,” Jade giggled as he lifted her out of the truck and set her down on the ground.
“You know what, little lady? I can’t say I’ve had a whole lot of people tell me that in my life, but you might just be right.”
“You’re double silly,” she giggled happily.
She slipped her hand into his without him having to say a thing, a development that was still new and made his heart hurt with pride every time it happened. Having a kid love you, or even start to love you, was an experience unlike any other.
It was turning him into a sap. “I’ll take that, too,” he said happily.