“Well, that’s not a very nice thing to say,” Lacey said, stroking Jade’s hair companionably. “And as far as I’m concerned, it’s not a bit true. I’m sorry she said it. And while we’re on the topic of me being sorry, I want to apologize for keeping you at the bed and breakfast all day—again. I know you must be getting super bored of being here.”
“Nope!” Jade answered, her tone suddenly happy, the traces of distress over her mother’s past criticisms disappearing as quickly as they had come. “I like it here. It’s like playing grown-up.”
“I guess it sort of is, isn’t it?” Lacey laughed. Jade couldn’t know it, but her simple statement had been depressingly accurate. Lacey had in fact spent most of the summer feeling like she was doing just that. Maybe what she needed, what they both needed, was a little time where they both got to be kids again.
“Are we going in?” Jade prompted when Lacey didn’t stir from the driver’s seat, distracted by this newest idea.
“Yes,” she laughed, undoing her seat belt. “We are. But before we get to work, I think I’d like to do something fun, wouldn’t you?”
As the two hurried up the walk to the bed and breakfast, Lacey gave the outside of the building an appraising look. She had bought the place on a wing and a prayer, equipped with nothing more than long-rooted dreams and unformed ambition to fuel the process. She'd had no idea how much work would be involved in the renovations, and for a period there, she had seriously doubted whether it would ever be completed. Now, though, the place was coming together, the beauty that had been hidden by disrepair finally beginning to emerge. It seemed to her that her life was actually starting to come together. She would have been over the moon—if it hadn't been for her nagging regrets over the way things had turned out with Trevor, she thought she might have been truly happy, maybe for the first time.
“Stop it,” she muttered to herself, shaking her head as she let them into the house.
“Stop what?” Jade asked, cocking her head in confusion.
“Nothing,” Lacey smiled down at her, ruffling her hair and making the sweet girl wrinkle her nose. “Nothing at all.”
Lacey had prepared a basket of food, knowing that her work would likely keep her busy enough that they wouldn't be able to pick up lunch. It had been a pragmatic move and nothing more, but now she was glad for the opportunity it presented. As soon as she stepped over the threshold, she told Jade to run and fetch a quilt from one of the upstairs bedrooms.
“Why?” Jade asked promptly, her new favorite response to just about everything.
“Because,” Lacey answered in a conspiratorial tone that couldn’t help but stoke the fires of Jade’s curiosity. “I’ve got a plan for the two of us.”
That was enough of an answer for Jade, and in no time flat, Lacey had what she was looking for. She laid the quilt out in the middle of the living room floor and placed their food on it with care. She got up to fetch the china tea set she'd bought from a thrift store and filled the delicate little cups with tea from her thermos. By the time she and Jade settled down onto the blanket, Jade with her plastic princess tiara and all, both of them were practically giddy. It was amazing how much such a small treat could improve a person's mood.
"All right, my little princess," Lacey said as the two of them munched on carrots and Oreos. "Tell me, does my humble spread live up to your royal satisfaction?"
“I don’t want to be a princess!” Jade answered, pulling the crown off her head and tossing it aside. “I want to be a fairy. Can’t I be one of those?”
“Of course you can, sugar,” Lacey said with a smile. “Do you want me to tell you a secret?”
Jade stared, wide-eyed and silent. Secrets were a big deal to the four-year-old. “Yes,” she said at last, her voice awestruck and her face filled with the most serious kind of wonder. “Tell me!”
Lacey dropped her voice to match. “I would rather be a fairy than a princess, too. Any day of the week.”
“Really?” Jade whispered, leaning forward, her eyes big.
"Definitely," Lacey nodded gravely. "They get to have all of the magic, and people aren't constantly trying to tell them what to do. I’ve spent enough time in my life doing what everyone expected me to do. If I ever get the chance, I'm definitely going the fairy route." She finished with a laugh, oddly delighted by the whimsical nature of the conversation.
Looking at Jade, instead of seeing the reaction she’d anticipated, she saw Jade’s face had fallen, and the little girl was looking down at her hands and frowning, a terribly serious, sad expression, nothing Lacey would think to see on a four-year-old girl's face. Lacey's heart hurt just looking at it, and she reached for Jade, putting one tentative hand on the small, slumped shoulders.
“What is it, sweetie?” she asked softly. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, not wrong,” Jade answered in a shaky voice. “It makes me happy.”
“I’m sorry,” Lacey said soothingly. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“My mommy didn’t say nice things,” Jade said quietly, her lower lip trembling with her valiant effort not to cry. “She didn’t play with me, either. She...she wasn’t a good mommy.”
"No, sweetie, you don't have to say things like that," Lacey said uncomfortably. While she would never speak the words aloud to the child, privately, she had to agree. Lacey would be the first to admit that parenting wasn't an easy job, not to mention she had only been doing it for a little over a month. At the end of the day, though, there was no excuse for what Trevor's cousin had done. All children deserve better, and in Lacey's humble opinion, a child like Jade deserved everything.
“But she wasn’t,” Jade insisted, almost aggressive in her assertion of the fact. “I don’t want her to be my mommy anymore. I want you to be. I love you, Lacey. I don’t want you to go away, too.”
“Oh, Jade,” Lacey said around the lump forming in her throat. “I love you too, honey.”
She pulled the child in closer and hugged her tightly, sure at that moment that she never wanted to let go. What she had said was true. She did love Jade, loved her fiercely, and she would have liked nothing more in the world than to adopt the child as her own. The problem was, Trevor had gone over the highlights of his conversation with Mr. Holloway during one of their brief phone conversations. If he was considered an undesirable candidate for fostering Jade because he was single with a demanding and unpredictable job, why was there any reason to assume the same negatives wouldn't apply to her? Not to mention the fact that he had a legitimate blood claim to Jade, while Lacey was only the hired help. As much as Lacey might long to, there was no way she would ever be allowed to become Jade's mother. The best she could do was to love the abandoned child fiercely during the time they had left. That, and pray for her once they could no longer be together.
15
Two weeks passed before Trevor was able to see Helena in the rearview mirror. What people said was true. When it rained, it poured—and it had stormed like crazy in Helena, to be sure. He'd spent the whole time away thinking about the responsibilities he was shirking at the ranch, but now that he was pulling back onto the property, he couldn't stop worrying over whether he'd done enough back in Helena. He was a man torn between two worlds, and neither was going exactly as it should.