I sighed. It seemed everyone knew my business long before I did. That said, I was pretty sure I needed their help. “Okay,” I said. “I give up. Tell me what to do.”
“Let’s get some muffins and sit down,” Lottie said, finally giving in and letting me have a muffin. She called Amberlynn from the back to work the counter, and we all sat around the table Dan had claimed by the window.
It was the longest Sunday morning of my life. But when it was over, I had a plan.
36
Forced March
Addison
We spent the rest of the day lounging, watching Netflix and enjoying doing almost nothing at all. But in the back of my mind I felt the pain of losing the life I’d begun to live, the ache where Michael had been, and the detached aimlessness of being dropped back into a world where I no longer seemed to belong.
Janet answered her phone late in the day, and went to her bedroom to talk, Allen giving me a shrug and a head shake to tell me he had no idea what she was up to.
She came back out, dressed to go out and grinning. “We should go to the park,” she said.
Allen and I exchanged a look and I considered my sweat pants and long T-shirt. In unison, we said, “nah.”
“Well you don’t have to come,” she told her boyfriend. “But Addie and I are going to take a walk.”
“We are?” I asked from where I lay, a tub of popcorn balanced on my stomach.
“We are.” She walked over, took my tub and pulled me to my feet. “Quick shower now. Just put your hair up, I guess. No time to fix it.”
“What? Who cares about my hair?” Janet must have thought I was really in danger of severe depression or something.
“Go on. Get dressed. Go!”
Fifteen minutes later, I was being dragged downstairs and out into the crisp November air of a late afternoon in the city.
About a block from Janet’s building, we turned right on Central Park West and strolled along the outer edge of the park. I pointed to a vintage Corvette parked on the other side of the street. “We found one of those in that old house I told you about,” I said, unable to keep my mind from lingering on the house, on Michael.
“Oh yeah? Like in the house?” Janet was glancing around nervously.
“No, there was the garage we couldn’t get into forever, and it was so funny because all Michael’s son could think about was that there might be a Corvette in there—he loves Corvettes. And when we finally got the thing open, it was a Corvette.” Tears threatened and I fought them down. Daniel was not mine, I had to let them both go.
We were much closer to the car now, and I was surprised to see it had Maryland plates. “It actually looked exactly like that one.”
“How strange,” Janet said, her voice taking on a very suspicious tone.
I stopped walking, feeling the signs of a setup. “What are you doing?”
“Walking by the park with a friend.”
“Where are we going?”
“Just walking, Addie. Come on.” She pulled me by the hand and we continued on, but seeing the car had me thinking about Michael, about Dan. My heart hurt. I didn’t want to walk at all.
Janet’s phone buzzed and she glanced at it and then slipped it back into her pocket. “Let’s sit.” She pulled me suddenly to a bench and forced me onto it.
“Hey!”
“You know what? I have to go,” she said, and she began backing away, grinning at me. Janet was abandoning me in the middle of the walk she forced me to take?
“What? No!” I started to stand, but noticed Janet was looking past me, toward someone coming down the sidewalk from the other direction.
I looked to see Daniel and Michael. It took me a moment to understand it was really them, they seemed so incongruous here in the city. But it really was. My heart thumped madly.
“Addie!” Daniel called, breaking into a run and then flinging his arms around me.
“Dan, I . . . I’m surprised to see you.” Emotion pushed up my throat and I fought for control. I looked past the tall boy in my arms to see Michael walking toward me, his hands shoved into his pockets and a tentative smile on his face.
“Hi,” he said, as he neared.
Janet turned and trotted off toward the apartment, and I realized that somehow she and Michael must have been in touch. I suspected Lottie. She was the only one who knew where I was.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked.
Michael opened his mouth, but Dan spoke first. “We drove all the way here. In the Corvette!” His cheeks glowed and his smile was contagious. He kept one arm around my waist as he talked, and Michael stood in front of me, smiling uncertainly.
“Really?” So that was the Corvette parked over there.
“Yeah, Dad realized he was a moron and so we jumped in the car as soon as we figured out where you were and drove all the way here so that he could tell you how much he loves you. And how he wishes you’d come back to the house and how maybe you guys should try being serious and stuff.”
Uncertainty fluttered inside me. I met Michael’s eyes for a brief moment, and while he hadn’t said the words, I could see the truth of them in the deep blue depths.
I laughed, still not sure I could trust the happiness that wanted to blossom within me and hugged Dan, my heart speeding around inside me so fast I couldn’t really tell how I felt. “Really?”
“Totally!” Dan cried.
“Addie,” Michael said, stepping close enough to take my hand. “Daniel kind of stole my thunder there. But maybe that’s good, I don’t know if I was going to be able to get the words out.”
I looked into those eyes that held my heart and realized it was possible nothing had really changed. If he couldn’t say the words, did he really mean them?
“I think maybe you should try,” I told him.
Daniel moved away from us, and climbed up onto the retaining wall at the edge of the park.
Michael nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” He took my other hand in his, and the warmth of our touch seemed to steel him for what he wanted to say next. He squeezed my hands and met my eyes. “Addie, this has been the whole problem. I’ve been stuck. I had this image of what my life had to be, what it was supposed to be. And it was all about paying some kind of penance for the mistakes I made before I was old enough to know better.”
I nodded, it was good to hear that he recognized all this. But I hoped he hadn’t come here just to tell me he’d finally seen that he was an idiot.
“But being with you these last months made me realize something else. It made me realize that there are things I still want. Things that will make me happy. And I realized that I deserve to be happy—and that it isn’t a failing to need that, to want that. I figured out that it’s actually better for Daniel if I’m not just some dad automaton, going through the motions of life. It’s better if I’m really living.” He paused, swallowing hard. “And I’ve never felt more alive than when I was with you.”
A tiny laugh escaped my lips and I sealed them shut. I needed more.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love you, Addison. You make me ridiculously happy. And I hoped that maybe you’d consider coming back home. With me. With us.”