If Jade wanted to experience some real Christmas joy, maybe he could help her. Maybe they could both do something a little better than their usual Christmases?
By Thursday he couldn’t stand it a second longer. He couldn’t stop thinking about those pictures of Juno with King Leonardo and his anger at Jade being all alone bubbled. What the hell were they all playing at? Jade’s apparent docility regarding that so-called dutifulness infuriated him. Why did she have to sacrifice every element of her life for her crown and country? This wasn’t the fifteen hundreds. People were allowed private lives. People were allowed some fun.
She was used to having an austere Christmas. So was he. And usually the thought wouldn’t bother him at all. But the point of this time away was for her not to have that. She should have something more than aimlessly walking around city streets alone—even if it was Manhattan with all the bright lights it had to offer. He could do better than that. He wanted her to have more non-royal duty time. More fun. And for that she needed...if not family, then a friend.
After all, there was no reason why they couldn’t be friends, was there?
His conscience told him exactly why.
Alvaro wasn’t used to being a friend. Or having one. He was happy to be that loner who knew precisely what his value was to others—on the sports field back when he was a youth, as an entrepreneur, an investor, as a boss...and yes, as a lover. And if he didn’t deliver, then he was no longer valued. And definitely not wanted.
The affairs he had never became anything more than a few weeks’ fling. He gave into the lust, got it out of his system, moved on. It was only sex, after all. But that wasn’t what he and Jade had done. Which was exactly why they couldn’t do it again. She was more forbidden now than when he’d thought she was working for him. Not just because she was vulnerable. But because he was afraid he was too. But he couldn’t resist phoning her once more.
‘Alvaro?’
It wasn’t right how happy he was to hear her carefully modulated tones again. Nor was it right how much he liked to make her breathless, to make her forget what it was she’d been going to say. Only right now he was the one who’d forgotten what words he’d meant to utter.
‘Boss?’ she teased.
And that was it. The moment he knew. He gripped the phone more closely and grabbed his car keys. ‘Have you been on the eggnog already?’
He finally knocked on her door and then she was there. Slim jeans, thin sweater, wide, wide eyes. His body seized.
Don’t kiss her. Don’t kiss her. Don’t kiss her.
‘Alvaro?’ She stood back from the doorway. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Not kissing you,’ he said brainlessly. Then he flinched and hustled to pull his head together. ‘Just getting that out there first up,’ he clarified more softly. ‘I’m not here for that.’
‘Okay.’
But that crestfallen hint in her eyes hit him like the thinnest, most deadly of blades. He could kick himself for his lack of tact. He couldn’t admit how much he wanted to now. It would mess things up for her, wouldn’t it? And that damn political marriage she was going to have to agree to some time in the next decade or so.
‘I thought you’d be out already, doing all the things. It’s after ten.’
‘I’m just...’ She drew a breath. ‘Why are you here?’
‘I don’t want you to be alone for Christmas.’
‘I’m quite used to being alone, Alvaro.’ She went to close the door on him. ‘It’s not your concern.’
Her pride was back. Her politeness. Her refusal to express her emotions and her desires. Queen Jade herself.
‘I’d like to show you some things.’ His mouth felt as if it were stuffed with cotton wool. He was making such a mess of this.
She folded her arms across her chest. ‘What things?’
‘Just...things.’ He realised this wasn’t going as well as he’d thought it would. What had he expected? ‘I mean—’
She was growing chillier by the second. ‘I thought we weren’t going to see each other again.’
‘I think that was unnecessary caution on my part.’
‘Caution?’
‘I don’t believe you’ll fall in love with me just because we had sex and might spend a few days together.’
‘Was that your concern?’ Her jaw dropped and there was a glint in her eyes and he just knew she was thinking he was an arrogant jerk.
She was right. He had been.
‘I don’t wish to interfere in your life’s plans,’ he said.
She actually smiled but it was all queen. ‘Nothing comes before my duty to my country.’
‘I realise that now. I’m sorry. I was arrogant before.’
‘Before? You’re not any more?’
‘It’s possible I might relapse,’ he said cautiously, watching for Jade to return.
‘Would it be terrible for me to fall in love with you?’ She studied him carefully.
‘Yes. It could never work out.’
‘It wouldn’t work out with just me? Or with anyone?’
‘Anyone,’ he answered immediately and irritably. He had no idea how they’d got onto this. ‘But especially not you.’
‘Because of the Crown.’ She actually nodded. ‘I think it’s best that we don’t sleep together again. Definitely.’
‘You do?’
‘Once was a considered risk. A thrill, of course. But more than once wouldn’t be rational. It would be reckless stupidity.’
Being with him again would be reckless stupidity? The stupid thing was that even though he’d decided there was no way they could be intimate again, now that she’d said the same thing he instantly wanted to fight back. And fight hard.
You always want what you can’t have. And what would be so, so bad for you.
It was the human condition, wasn’t it? That weakness, that failing...to be consumed by transient, addictive desires. That was the kind of thing that ruined people’s lives. His didn’t matter, but he wasn’t ruining hers.
‘Come on, you need to pack a bag.’
‘You want me to leave with you now?’
‘As I said, I don’t want you to be alone for Christmas.’
‘It’s not Christmas.’
‘It’s close enough.’ He offered her a grin. ‘Don’t be a grinch. It’s the holiday season. Go pack enough for a few days. We’ll be back just after Christmas.’