“Doc!” Badge yells from the top of the stairs.
What now? We have church in thirty minutes. I don’t have time for this.
“Everyone wants a piece of Doc today, huh?” Skirt asks as he stares at the staircase to see what Badge is bellowing about. I told him to go get my phone from the house but to be careful not to wake Jo. I want her to rest. Now that I think about it, I was selfish last night. The doctor at the hospital said she needed rest, and I definitely did not let her rest last night. Damn it, I should have.
“Shit, Doc!” Skirt slaps my arm to get my attention, and I look at the staircase to see Badge carrying a very limp, very pale, Jo.
I drop everything in my hands, and they clatter to the floor. My heart is dead in my chest when I see the amount of blood flowing down her leg. The towel is soaked red.
“What the fuck happened?” I snatch her from his arms and cradle her to my chest while I carry her over to another bed. The only empty bed I have left. When did this become an emergency room all of a sudden? “Jo, baby? Hey…” I shake her a bit to try to get her beautiful green eyes to open. “Jo-love, please answer me. What happened, Badge? Tell me everything.” I unwrap the towel from her leg and wince when I see another vertical cut. She’s nicked her artery. She’s going to need another transfusion. Goddamn it. “I asked what happened!” I bellow as I run to the fridge to grab a bag of blood.
“I … I don’t know. I grabbed your phone from the top of your desk like you said, and I heard sniffling. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and I found her like that on the toilet. I swear, I don’t know. Doc, she said she was pregnant and didn’t ask for it. What does that mean? Do we need to find him? We’ll kill him.”
“I’ve been asking her about it. She hasn’t remembered.” I hook her up to an IV and place the bag on the hook. I don’t bother wheeling her into the surgical room. I start to operate on her right then and there. The pain doesn’t wake her up.
“What happened to her?” Moretti asks.
“Don’t act like you care. I don’t have time for you right now.” I see the bleeder, it’s a small nick, but it definitely would have killed her if Badge hadn’t found her when he did. With her artery cauterized, I suture her skin, pressing it together and try to make small, even X’s. No matter what I do, the scar will be bad. It’s long, so fucking long, and I’m taken back to only a week ago when I found her with her arms slit.
God, has it only been a week? It feels like an eternity with everything that’s gone down.
When the last stitch is in, I clean off the wound and put another bandage over her leg. I don’t understand what could’ve made her do this. I’m stumped. I thought everything was going great, but then again, I’m not feeling what she’s feeling. So I’m not going to understand. I just want to protect her. I want to shield her from this kind of pain. I want to be the safety net that catches her when she falls so she knows there’s someone there waiting with their arms open.
“Can someone keep an eye on her while I go clean up?” I say in a monotone voice, tired, spent, and unhappy. “I need my phone.” I hold out my hand to Badge, who’s soaked from head to toe with blood. “Wait,” I say, stopping him from giving it to me. “I need to check the heartbeat of the baby and see if it’s still there.” I rub my temples with my fingers, forgetting that I have her blood all over my hands.
I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with being a doctor down here all by myself, especially when I know Jo is going to be taking up so much of my attention. That isn’t a complaint. I want her to.
I love every fucked up part of her.
And I won’t let her be fucked up alone.
With tired steps, I walk toward the cabinet and open it, pulling out the portable ultrasound machine. I wonder if it matters. Does she care? I care. I want her which means I want this baby. That asshole, whoever took advantage of her, gave up his right as a father when he raped her.
I’ll take care of what’s mine.
And they are mine.
I stride to her side, and she starts to ruse. I know she’ll be in pain because I didn’t have time to put her under. She was unconscious. Before I check the heartbeat, I open the drawer for some morphine and stick it into her IV bag, something I should’ve done earlier.
It’s hard to focus when someone I love needs me to save them, when all I want to do is have the ability to freak the fuck out and have another doctor take care of them.
“Eric,” she mumbles. “Badge?” She turns her head to see Badge sitting next to her, and he leans forward, shaking his head.
“Girl, you about gave us a heart attack. Don’t you know we’re too old for shit like that?”
“Sorry, Badge. I—”
“Shh, it’s okay. We all have our demons, and sometimes, they possess us. It’s why everyone here is a sounding board. It’s easier said than done, but talk to us,” Badge says, taking her hand in his.
I lean forward and take a deep breath, in and out, and try to figure out what to say. I want to yell at her. I want to understand why she wants to leave me so bad. If she leaves me, and my mom is going to die, I’ll be alone.
I don’t want to be alone. I’ve never been alone.
I don’t do lonely well.
And maybe that isn’t the best thing to admit because I’m a man. I’m a biker. I’m a Ruthless King, but you know what? I’m not like the other guys. They can be alone, suffer in silence, and say they don’t need love.
But I’m not like them.
I do need it.
I need love, and I need to love. That’s who I am. I’m not ashamed of that. My mom taught me love is the greatest warrior someone can have inside themselves, and she was right because anyone who lives through something horrific, lives for love.
Love for themselves.
Love for someone else.
I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen why people come back from the brink of death, and it sure as hell isn’t to feel what it’s like to die again.
“Do you want to leave me?” I whisper loudly enough that Badge can hear me. I move around to the other side of her body and hold her hand. “I don’t want you to. Can I say that to you? Can I say that I don’t want you to leave? Can you … can you do me a favor, and the next time you think about doing this, think about if you really want to leave. I can fight for the both of us, but I need to know if you want me to.”
She nods, wincing when she tries to move her body. “I do. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she cries. “I remembered. I remembered everything, Eric.” She turns her head away and closes her eyes, and a tear drips free. “Everything.”
Badge stands up and grips the rails. “What happened?”
“You can trust him. Badge used to be a cop; he can help. He knows people if you want to go about this the legal way,” I tell her.
The pain medicine starts to kick in, and her eyes go a bit glassy from the high, but her shoulders relax. “He took advantage of me the illegal way. He can be dealt with the illegal way. I went to his party. I had half a beer, and my body went numb. I could hardly speak. He took me to his room and undressed me. He said I needed to relax and knew I always wanted it. Maybe it was just a dream? Maybe it was nothing,” she slurs. “Maybe it’s all a lie, but I felt him all over. I know he did it. You have to believe me.” She grabs my hand desperately. “You have to.”