Staring at her, Nathanial nodded.
A relieved smile came to Charlaine’s face. “Thank you.” Then she tugged on his arm. “Come. It’ll be time for supper soon.” And with that, she turned and hurried after the girls.
For a long moment, Nathanial remained where he was, staring after her, her words echoing in his mind. I’ll not do it again. Indeed, here was a promise he could not help but detest. What on earth was he to do now? How could he remain her friend when…?
Brutal honesty, she had promised him and asked for the same in return. Nathanial had been doubtful at first, but then he had found that he could trust her after all. That she was a genuinely good person, that she said what was on her mind, that she did not lie, that she had no hidden agenda.
Indeed, brutal honesty would require him to tell her how he felt when he looked at her now. But what would happen then?
The thought was more terrifying than any he’d ever known. He could not lose her. He simply could not!
But then he would have to lie.
Hanging his head, Nathanial walked up the small slope toward the house.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Friends and Only Friends
After breakfast the next morning, Charlaine felt an almost desperate need to be alone. Her thoughts ran rampant, her heart picking up its pace whenever her mind drifted back to the kiss she had stolen without thought. It had been an impulse, a sudden desire, and she had acted upon it without considering Nathanial’s position in this.
Indeed, after their almost-kiss in the stables, Charlaine had not been able to stop imagining what could have been. She had tossed and turned all night, wishing she could know what it felt like to be kissed by him.
Now.
For although they had already shared a kiss at the masquerade, they had barely known each other then. They had been strangers, and Charlaine could not help but wonder what it would feel like now. Now, that they were friends. Now, that they knew each other as well as they did. Now, that she felt for him, cared for him.
Oh, she cared for him more than any man she had ever known! There was something utterly sweet and caring about him despite the bitterness that often clung to his voice. When he laughed, his eyes lit up in such a compelling way that Charlaine wanted to hug him. He was kind and decent and considerate. He looked out for her. He stood his ground when he needed to, but he also granted her the freedom she treasured. He respected her, and she loved him for it. Oh, how she loved him for it!
Footsteps echoed up the corridor as Charlaine passed by the drawing room doors. She looked over her shoulder and spotted Emma, hurrying to catch up with her. “Is something wrong?” she asked as the other woman drew closer. “Are the girls all right?”
“They’re fine,” Emma assured her as she glanced up and down the corridor. Then she pushed open the door to the drawing room at her back and waved Charlaine inside. “Hurry! Before they find us.”
“They?” Charlaine frowned as she stepped into the dim room and watched Emma close the door. “What’s going on?”
“The girls are looking for you,” Emma told her as she stepped forward, her eyes watchful but eager somehow as though words lingered at the tip of her tongue, desperate to be sent out into the world. “However, I wanted to speak with you before you ran off with them again.” She inhaled a deep breath, and the corners of her mouth drew upward.
“What is going on?”
Emma chuckled. “I overheard Daphne and Susan talking this morning.” Her brows rose as though Charlaine should be aware of what she was referring to. “They mentioned…a kiss.” Her brows rose even higher.
Charlaine bit her lip, equally shocked and relieved to be confronted about this. “Yes, I kissed him.” She covered her face with her hands. “I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to.”
“You kissed who?” came a most intrigued voice from behind them.
Both women flinched and spun around, shocked to find Caroline rising into a seated position on the settee. “What are you doing here?” Charlaine asked as her eyes slid over Caroline’s pale face. “Are you well?”
“Only a little dizzy,” she replied, looking a bit green around the nose, as her hand came to rest on her belly. “And a little nauseous.”
Charlaine’s eyes widened. “You’re not…?” she stammered as she moved to sit beside Caroline. “Are you with child?”
A small smile stole onto Caroline’s face as she looked from Emma to Charlaine. “I think I am,” she whispered, hope and longing clinging to her voice. “Or my stomach has decided that food is no longer something desirable.”
Laughing, Charlaine hugged her. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you.” She sat back. “Does Pierce know?”
Caroline shook her head. “Not yet. I wasn’t certain. I’m still…perhaps I should send for the doctor.” She sighed. “I don’t want to tell him only to find out that—”
“But he should know,” Charlaine insisted. “Even if…” Her words trailed off. “He should be at your side.” She squeezed Caroline’s hands. “He’d want to be at your side. Believe me, you’ll never hear the end of it if you keep him in the dark much longer,” she added laughing.
With a luminous smile upon her face, Caroline nodded. “You’re right. I should tell him, and I will.” Her gaze moved to Emma and she gestured for her to seat herself in the armchair opposite them. “But first I want to know what happened.” She looked at Charlaine. “Who did you kiss?” she asked as though she didn’t know. The look in her blue eyes told Charlaine that she had her suspicions.
Very specific suspicions. After all, Markham Hall was not exactly crawling with eligible, young men!
“I kissed Nathanial,” Charlaine admitted and then told the other two women about the day before, how they had found the frog and how Daphne and Susan had wanted to know how to kiss. “It was an impulse, and I know I shouldn’t have, but…”
“But you wanted to,” Caroline finished for her, her brows once more rising, daring Charlaine to confirm her words.
Charlaine nodded. “Yes, I wanted to.”
“But why shouldn’t you have?” Emma asked carefully with a respectful glance at Caroline.
For a reason no one could understand, Emma had a hard time forgetting that Caroline was a baroness, a peer, of upper society, a member of the ton while she herself was only a governess, with an illegitimate child no less. Charlaine could not help but wonder what it would take for Emma to see herself in a different light, to see herself as they saw her: a tender-hearted, wonderful young woman, who had fought hard to give her daughter the life she deserved.
“Emma is right,” Caroline agreed, smiling at the other woman. “You’re unattached as is he, and if you both—”
“We’re friends,” Charlaine pointed out with a sigh. “I promised him to be his friend and only his friend.” Remembering when they had first met, she shook her head. “He was so…suspicious, expecting betrayal, expecting to be made a fool of, and it took a while for him to look at me and not…see someone who would hurt him at any moment.” She looked from Caroline to Emma and saw understanding on their faces. “He needs me to be his friend and nothing more.”