“Okay. One, I didn’t get anyone pregnant,” I say. “That’s your job.”
“Hey,” he snaps. “I was always going to marry her, but I just had to convince her.”
“You mean trick her,” I joke with him. He and Karrie met when she was his chaperone, and then she got pregnant. There was no denying he loved her with everything that he had, but he was also a caveman. “Anyway. I met someone,” I say it out loud, admitting it to the universe.
“Okay,” he says, waiting for the rest.
“She’s a mom, and her son attends the hockey camp.”
“Justin,” he says my name almost like a warning.
“I know what you’re going to say.” I lean forward on the bench, putting my elbows on my knees.
“There is a lot I want to say, but the first thing I’m going to say is that if you don’t think you can give her what she needs, then you need to walk away.”
“I know that, Matthew.”
“No, I don’t think you do. This isn’t just one person,” he says as if I don’t fucking know. “You can’t think with your dick this time.”
“Matthew,” I hiss. “It’s not like that.”
“What are you saying?” he asks, and I take a deep breath.
“I mean that I like her a lot.” My heart beats fast, but then my chest constricts when I tell him the next part. “She’s had a rough time. I don’t know the details, and I’m afraid to ask, but she isn’t giving me the time of day. I want to just help her,” I say softly. “I want to just be there for her.”
“You have to knock her walls down,” he says.
“I don’t know how,” I say. “I’ve never been here. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than for her to sit down with me and tell me everything. I want her to know that I don’t want to solve her problems but to help be by her side.”
“Have you told her this?” he asks.
“No,” I say quietly, almost whispering. “I’m afraid to.” I look up at the sun. “She has a lot to her past. I don’t know much, but I met one of them, and he isn’t the friendly neighborhood type.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. “How in are you?”
I think about my answer just as I’ve been thinking about this whole thing for the past couple of days, and that is what it has been … a couple of days. But just the thought of not seeing her hurts my heart. The thought of going a day without her makes it almost hard to breathe. “I’m all in.”
“Then you need to sit with her and put all your cards on the table. You need to tell her.”
“What if she …” I start. “What if she’s overwhelmed by it?”
“Then you show her,” he says. “She has probably had people promise her things before.” His tone is soft. “But they were probably empty promises, so you have to show her that you are a man who stands behind his promises.”
“Yeah,” I say, and then I hear my name being called and look back to see Ralph is trying to get my attention. “I have to go.”
“Okay. Call me for anything,” he says. “You hear?”
“Yeah,” I say into the phone and then hold up my hand to Ralph. “I’ll call you later,” I say, disconnecting, then getting up and walking to meet Ralph. “What’s up?”
“Nothing, but Dylan was looking for you,” he says, and we turn to walk inside.
“Is everything okay?” I ask. My heart had started to beat faster, thinking he was hurt, but then I see him playing basketball with the other kids, and he looks up and sees me.
“Justin,” he yells, “I got a three-pointer!” His eyes beam with pride, and his smile is so big that his eyes crinkle at the sides. “It even went swish.”
“That’s amazing, buddy,” I say. Standing, I watch the game with my hands on my hips, already setting a plan for tonight into motion.
I get into the truck after buckling Dylan in and call Caroline’s number. “The customer you are calling is unavailable at the moment. Please try again later.” I look at the phone and then hang up, and during the forty-five-minute drive, I spend most of the time speeding and trying to tell myself that she just turned off her phone. I try not to think about the trouble she could be in or the trouble that is always lurking around her.
We get there, and now I’m about to crawl out of my skin when I grab the hockey bag from the truck and walk toward her apartment. We walk up the stairs, and Dylan goes on and on, but I’m not even focusing on him. I’m focusing on the fact that I need to make sure Caroline is okay. When we get to the door and Dylan turns the knob, it’s locked. I’m both happy and then worried. What if she got hurt somewhere and her phone is broken? The what-ifs are playing over in my head, so I don’t even hear Dylan knock on the door nor do I hear the door unlock and open, but I do see her face, and I step back. “Mom,” Dylan says, and she switches right away before my eyes.
“Hey, sweetheart,” she says, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing his head. “How was your day?”
“Good. Justin had a one-on-one with Ralph, and he won,” he says to her, “and then I played basketball, and I scored a three-pointer.”
She smiles down at him, and he doesn’t see the redness in her eyes or on the tip of her nose. “Did you score all the points one after another?”
“No, Mom,” he says, going to the fridge and opening it, his eyes going wide. “The fridge is full.” And it’s at that moment my heart sinks for her. This woman who puts on the bravest face is now having all of it in front of me. “Can I have a Yop?” he asks, wanting a yogurt drink.
“Yes,” she says and then looks at me. “Was everything okay?”
“Yes.” I want to take her in my arms and kiss her softly and hold her and be her rock. I’m about to bring up the fact that her phone was off and that I tried to call her when the front door suddenly opens, and I turn to see who it is. I don’t have to guess for long when I hear Dylan yell.
“Dad!” he says, running to this guy standing there with dirty clothes and stringy hair. His arms are bare and skinny, and you can see the scabs on the inside creases of his arms.
Dylan wraps his arms around his waist, but the guy doesn’t even notice because his gaze is fixated on me. I’m watching him, but more importantly, I feel Caroline stiffen beside me.
“Who is this?” the man finally asks. It’s almost as if he’s accusing us of something. I want to step in front of Caroline, but before I can do that, she speaks up.
“He’s nobody, and he was just leaving.” Her voice comes out strong and firm. I look at her. “Thank you for bringing Dylan home. We’ll see you tomorrow.” And just like that, my heart breaks for the woman who I thought was mine.
Chapter Twelve
Caroline
My day went from amazing to kick in the stomach yet again. And I’m suddenly reminded not to ever get my hopes up again. Every single time I think things are looking up, someone somewhere says “Not today.”