“Last time you did that, we left, and you stole the fucking television,” I say.
“Whatever. I don’t have to stay for this bullshit,” he says, storming to the door and slamming it closed behind him. I walk over and lock it. Although it obviously doesn’t matter if he broke in here before. I close my eyes, and the tears come no matter how much I try to fight them. I work my ass off to make sure Dylan has everything he needs, and just when I think I’m getting ahead, Andrew comes in and knocks all my cards down.
The phone rings in my back pocket, and I don’t even look at who is calling. “Hello,” I answer, my low voice almost a whisper.
“Um, Caroline.” His voice comes through, and I open my eyes. “It’s Justin.”
“Um, yeah.” I wipe away my tears as if he can see me. “Did I forget something in your vehicle?”
“No,” he says, and his voice goes soft. “Are you okay?” he asks, and I don’t know why I want to tell him that I’m not okay. That I haven’t been okay in a long, long time.
“I’m fine,” I say. It’s the answer I give everyone because this is my life. As my parents said, I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. “What’s the matter?”
“So I was thinking that I really don’t use my vehicle during the day,” he starts, “and I know that you’re stuck.”
“I can’t do that,” I say. “I’m not your problem.”
“I never said you were. I’m saying that my vehicle will be parked in a parking lot doing nothing,” he says, and his voice goes softer. “Just take the favor, Caroline.”
“I can’t,” I say, closing my eyes. The door to the bathroom opens, and Dylan comes running out. “I have to go,” I say, disconnecting and looking at him.
“Where’s Dad?” he asks, and I look at my son, who I will protect with everything I have.
“He had to go to work,” I say. “He said he’ll see you soon.” I watch his lower lip tremble, and he blinks and rushes to wipe away the tears. I take a step toward him, but he shakes his head.
“I’m tired,” he says and then runs to the bedroom and gets into the bed. I walk to the bed and sit next to him.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” I say, my fingers playing with his hair, and I lean down and kiss his cheeks.
“Whatever,” he says, and I hear the hissing of the stove and run to see that the water I turned on is no more. I turn off the burner and put the pot in the sink. I catch my breath for just a second before I have to go back into the room, and I find that Dylan’s already asleep. I turn off the light and head to the shower, and only when I’m under the water do I let the tears escape.
Chapter Five
Justin
I don’t have a TV. His voice plays over and over in my head. I couldn’t help but call her. I actually wanted to go to her apartment and take her to Walmart and buy her a TV or even ten. I didn’t care. Instead, she answered me in tears. I know she did because I heard it, and more importantly, I felt it. It’s fucking insane that I have this pull to her. It’s because of Dylan, I keep telling myself. You are drawn to the kid.
I slam my car door, then walk into my condo, and the cold air hits me right away. Closing the door, I walk over to my couch and grab my laptop to bring with me to the island in my kitchen. I have a huge open floor plan, and my sister came down one weekend to make sure I had all my stuff.
Pulling up the documents I got with every kid coming to the program, I type in his name, and it comes up right away with a picture from his school. I read all his information, or I start to, and then I stop. My foot starts to bounce up and down, thinking about whether I should read it or not. I want to read it, but I also don’t want her to feel like I’m snooping. I look at one thing before I decide to shut it down. Single mom.
After shutting the laptop, I walk over to the fridge and open it, grabbing a bottle of water. I close my eyes and think about what they are doing. I take out my phone, and I almost call her again, but then I can hear my sisters’ voices in the back of my head calling me a stalker. I walk toward the balcony and sit outside, watching the lights from the buildings start to shine brighter as the sun goes down. So many things are going through my mind that I don’t know where to start. “This is either the best thing ever, or it’s going to blow up in my face,” I tell the universe while I make my plan for the next day.
I hit the road at four thirty, not even sure what time she has to leave home to take the bus, but either way, I’m going to make sure I don’t miss her. I pull up and see some people hanging around. A couple of women who have seen better days look my way when I pull up to the curb and turn off the car. I watch as the building slowly comes to life as the minutes tick by. People taking the bus come out every five minutes, and right at six a.m., I see her walking down the sidewalk with a sleepy Dylan beside her and get out of my vehicle. She is holding his hand and looking tired herself. Her blond hair is pulled back in a high bun on her head.
I wait for her to look up, and when she finally sees me, she stops in the middle of the sidewalk. I walk to her, her green eyes locking on mine as she stands there with her mouth hanging open. Dylan stops moving and looks at her, and then his eyes fly to me, and he just smiles. The big hockey bag is hefted over her left shoulder. “What are you doing here?” she asks me, almost in a whisper.
“Well, I figured if I asked you if you needed a ride, you would tell me no, so I decided it would be better to just show up.” She looks down in order to hide her smile. “So now that I’m here, will you accept that ride?”
“What time did you get here?” she asks, and I reach over and slowly take the bag from her shoulder. She lets me but only because I think she’s still in shock that I’m standing here.
“Hey, buddy,” I say to Dylan, who rubs his eyes.
“Hi, Justin.” His voice is sleepy.
“Did you just pull him out of bed?” I ask, and she just nods her head.
“Yeah, if we wanted to make it to the rink by eight, we had to take the six o’clock bus,” she says, and we walk over to the truck.
“Why don’t you get him into the SUV, and I’ll put his bag in the trunk?” I say, and she opens the back door.
I close the trunk at the same time she closes the back door. “Are you okay?” I ask as she just stands there.
“Seriously, what are you doing here?” she asks, standing in front of me, and the wind picks up and some of the loose hair flies into her face.
“I,” I start, but I don’t even know why I am here. “Listen, you need a lift, and there was no way you would have taken it had I asked.”
“So you just show up here?” She looks around at the traffic of people coming our way.
“Answer me this.” I look at her, and I suddenly want to step closer to her. “Had I called you and offered you one, would you have taken me up on my offer?”
She doesn’t hesitate for even a second. “No,” she says. “You had to go out of your way yesterday to drive me home, so I wasn’t going to let you do it again today.”