My whole pregnancy, Dra treated me like a queen and pampered me. He was the caring man I fell in love with. The doting father to B I always dreamed he would be. He was helping more at the club while Krill was away, but he was home every night. Running my bathwater, helping with the housework, cooking me special dinners, reading to B every night, and then making love to me after she fell asleep.
I know when Lucas was born that it was a bit nerve-wracking, but that’s part of being a parent. Dra just couldn’t handle the crying and then B was sick. Dra felt neglected, but I had my hands full and by bedtime I was exhausted. Dra didn’t come home for two nights and when he did get here, he had hickeys all over his neck. He said the club girls were just playing around, but again, I didn’t believe him.
Dra started staying at the clubhouse more and he brought that prospect, Banger, home with him. That man creeped me out. Dra became demanding. He wanted dinner ready when he came in the door. He suggested I bleach my hair a lighter blond and I did. I hated it. He said it would make me look thinner until I dropped my baby weight. I spent the night crying along with Lucas after I had B in bed. My loving husband had become a demanding hurtful man right before my eyes. Dra decided I needed to sex-up the way I dressed and threw out my old clothes, replacing them with clothes I wouldn’t wear in public. I just wanted comfortable clothes. I was lazy, too fat and I nagged all the time, that is what Dra said about me anyway. I have heard it so much I began thinking that it was true. To tell the truth when Banger and Dra would finally leave the house at night to go to the clubhouse, it was a relief. It felt that way until the morning I went to wash Dra’s clothes and he had lipstick on the collar edge of one of his white t-shirts. I smelled the shirt and it smelled of a cheap perfume. My stomach sank. It was more proof of my husband’s infidelities. I thought Dra and I were going through a period in our marriage that would pass. I had read about babies with colic, and I knew the doctor would find a way to help but it would take time. I thought Dra and I would come out stronger on the other side. That’s me, always looking on the better side. I never dreamed Dra would stray. I just couldn’t bring myself to confront Dra about it. What do they say… ignorance is bliss? I never understood that saying. I thought surely, they have it wrong but now I know.
Last night was my breaking point when I had no room for denial left. I had fed B earlier; Dra has gotten to where he’s even snappy toward her and I wanted her out of the way of her dad’s harsh words. Lucas had gone to sleep, and I was getting dinner on the table when Dra and Banger came in the door.
“Where are you at, Maddie?” Dra yelled out. I put the last dish on the table, and I walked into the living room with my finger up to my lips in a motion so Dra would know to be quiet. “Is the boy asleep?” I shook my head yes. I looked from Dra to Banger. I could tell that Dra had been drinking from the glassy look in his eyes. I wanted to say something about him drinking and then driving but by the look on Dra’s face I knew to stay quiet. It would do no good to say anything today. “Where’s B?”
“I fed her earlier and she’s playing in her room.” I saw the look that Dra gave Banger. I guessed we were having a guest to eat again, so I went to the kitchen and got another plate and silverware.
“We ate at the clubhouse, but we came home to play?” I raised my eyebrow at Dra. Dra walked up to me, took me in his arms, and kissed me. I would have loved that if Banger hadn’t been in the room. I tasted the liquor on Dra, so I turned away from him to break the kiss. I didn’t like the taste of whiskey on Dra and I didn’t like the smell of perfume on him either. It wasn’t my brand.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to look. Banger was there, and he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him back and hit him. “Whoa, babe. I just thought you might want to play a little with the two of us. Banger doesn’t mind the extra weight you haven’t bothered to lose yet. We’ll make it good for you. Won’t we Banger?” I looked at Dra and waited for him to laugh or something. Surely, this was a joke? I backed away from them both. “Maddie, you know you’ll do anything to make me happy. You’ve said it many times and this will make me happy. In your fantasies haven’t you ever thought about having two men at once. This won’t change anything between us. You’re still my wife and next time we’ll bring Kim in.” That’s when it hit me. That’s what Dra was getting at. He wanted another woman with us. When had I ever given Dra the idea I wanted another man?
“Dra, this will never happen. I am married to you and you will be the only man touching me. There will be no other man or woman in our bed,” I said with a voice calmer than I was feeling. Dra and Banger both laughed.
“I told you Maddie wouldn’t be up for the things that Kim lets us do to her. Maddie is too strait-laced,” Banger said with a sneer. “I told you I should seduce her and bring her into it slowly.” I looked at the man who had just spoken.
“I can’t be seduced. I love my husband,” I said with conviction.
“But he doesn’t love you, now does he, Maddie? The best way to get one man out of your head is to get under another one.” I looked at Dra who wasn’t saying a word.
“Get out of my house and don’t come back.” I told Banger.
“It’s my house and if you can’t do this for me, then I want you and the kids out of my house. You have lied to me every time you’ve told me you would do anything for me and that you love me. I’ll get you a place in town, and once Lucas quits crying all the time then I’ll come for visits for my husbandly duties.” I stared at Dra and I saw he was serious. What had happened to my husband? “Don’t try running to Krill either. He’s too tied up trying to get his own son back. Don’t try running to Texas, either. I will drag you back here. No one takes what’s mine and you and those two children are mine, and you will be until I say it is over. Let’s ride Banger. I know there’s a woman at the clubhouse that’s waiting on us with open arms.” Dra half laughed. “That’s something else you’ll get used to—sharing my me. I’ve been fucking Kim for almost a month now and she won’t be the last pussy I pound. If our little fuck got you pregnant, then you need to get an abortion because I don’t want any more screaming kids.” I couldn’t stand anymore. I slid to the floor and brought my knees to my chest and listened to Dra and Banger laugh their way out the front door. Dra slammed the door as he left, and I heard Lucas begin to cry. I automatically got up and went to my son. It’s like I was a robot without feelings until I picked my whimpering son up and took him to the rocking chair. I rocked and soothed him back to sleep with tears rolling down my face. I knew I’d never be the same again. The man I loved had just destroyed me.
That night will replay in my head many times with a thousand questions of what I had done to deserve any of this. I can’t think about any of this right now. I need to get things loaded and get out of here.
I take the bags, a few at a time, and put them into my SUV. I have already fed and bathed the children so they can sleep the night away while I drive. I will stop once we’re in another state and feed them both then. One thing about riding in the vehicle, it seems to sooth Lucas, so I am hopeful the long drive won’t be too hard on him. B has her movies and game to keep her distracted. With the stops I will need to make, I’m guessing a three-day trip. I’m not going to let anyone know I am on my way, it will cause too many questions that I don’t want to answer yet. I am set and going to get B from her room when I hear a knock on the front door. At least I know it isn’t Dra. I walk to the front door and open it. The last person I would have thought it would be is standing there looking lost.