“And my mother holds more social influence than any other queen,” I said. “She may not have direct power over laws, but she certainly has the power to cast me out from the entire royal community with a snap of her finger.”
“And you don’t want to be ostracized from royalty?” Henry asked. “When you were younger, that was your greatest wish.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “It isn’t anymore,” I said. “I do want to be the king. But I don’t want it to be the way it’s always been.”
“Boring and stifling?”
I met his gaze. “I don’t want to marry a woman,” I said. “I want to be able to marry a man.”
My insides felt molten even saying it. It was a thought I’d had for years, but never would have dared to voice. It was scary to have it out in the open now, something I wished for so badly but knew I would likely never be able to have.
“Why can’t you have that?” Henry whispered. “You said it yourself. Royalty has the power to change the rules, right?”
“Only she can change the rules,” I said.
“And what if you just… broke the rules?”
I shrugged one shoulder. “Even if my mother can’t take away the fact that I’m a prince, she sure can take away everything else from me. What would it matter if I was a prince, if the rest of royalty turned their noses up at me?”
“Who fucking cares if they do?”
“You don’t understand, Henry,” I said, my voice rising. “If I’m not welcome in this castle, I…”
He lifted an eyebrow as if to say, so what?
My heart felt like a stone. I couldn’t tell Henry that we might lose all of our wealth after five or ten years. The amount of money needed to run Frostmonte Castle for even one year was probably more than most people ever had.
It was indefensible.
And the only thing I had to cling to, as always, was my legacy.”
“I can’t single-handedly dismantle a legacy that’s been held for thousands of years,” I whispered. “My father’s legacy. That does mean something to me, even if there’s no reason it should.”
“No, I understand,” Henry said.
He must have noticed my eyes widening. “I don’t even fully understand it myself.”
“You love your family,” he said. “You love the legacy your father left, even if it sometimes feels like a straitjacket. You love what being prince or king can mean, even if you hate the implications.”
“Right,” I said. “If I could just get my mother to see, to fucking understand that this is the only way I could be happy—”
“Being able to marry a man?”
I swallowed hard. “Being able to marry you.”
He let out a long breath. “Jesus Christ, Sebastian,” he said, looking away.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my heart suddenly pounding harder in my chest. “I know it’s ridiculous. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m drunk, Henry. That was really stupid—”
“No,” he interjected. “If you’re stupid, then I’m stupid, too. There’s—I—”
“You don’t have to apologize,” I muttered, standing up and walking over to the fireplace. It had lessened to a smolder now, and I tossed another log on.
“I’m not apologizing,” he said. “There is no one I will ever want like I want you. I know that. I’ve always known that.”
“But I’m an idiot for talking about marriage just because I swallowed your cum twenty minutes ago.”
“Sebastian, I would fucking marry you tonight if you asked me to,” he said, his voice firm and final. “I only reacted that way because it hurts. It hurts more than anything, because I know it’s never going to happen.”
I groaned, heading over to the table and pouring myself another finger of scotch. I tossed back a big gulp, breathing deep as I massaged my temples.
“I just want you to be happy,” Henry said. “And I know you never will be if you have to marry a woman. Even if she’s someone as awesome as Emma.”
“She really is lovely,” I said.
“But not in a way that gets your cock hard,” he said.
I sighed. “Unfortunately not.”
I felt like I had pressure on me from all sides. I was in one of the most beautiful castles in the world, and I was claustrophobic. It was like my own skin was the prison this time.
“Hey,” Henry’s voice came from the bed. “Come here.”
“It’s getting late,” I said.
“Hush,” he said. “Come here.”
I turned back to look at him, naked and beautiful and so fucking perfect on my bed.
“I want you there every night,” I whispered, feeling a lump welling up in my throat. “Every fucking night.”
He nodded, silently agreeing. “I’m here right now,” he said, gesturing for me to come over.
And so I did. Even though it felt like my heart might burst. Even though I knew none of my problems were solved.
Because Henry made me feel safe, even when nothing else felt right.
11
Henry
I woke up surrounded by a scent so lovely I couldn’t place it. It was like I was back in the mountains, in a meadow in early autumn, surrounded by the smell of fresh air and rich cedar and pine.
A warm hand landed on my shoulder and suddenly Sebastian was shaking me awake.
“Breakfast’s ready,” he said, smiling down at me as I blinked my eyes open. I realized the scent was his cologne, a gentle smell radiating from his skin. I’d always hated cologne, but whatever he had probably cost a fortune and must have been worth it.
I scrubbed my hands over my face. “What time is it?”
“Nine,” he said. He was already shower fresh and clad in a perfectly tailored suit.
I groaned, rolling over in bed. “How do you already look so damn bright and ready to start your day? Do princes have no respect for hangovers?”
He pulled in a breath, sitting down on the edge of the bed near me. “I tend to get up at seven these days,” he said. “Get in a workout and read the papers. Have my meeting with Genoveve.”
“You’ve already worked out?”
He smiled down at me, running a hand through my hair. “You can shower in here. Be quick. The plum scones are fresh and hot out of the oven.”
My eyes fluttered shut as he stroked his fingers through my hair.
“Or you can just keep doing that all morning,” I murmured. “And I’ll be in heaven.”
He hummed, running his thumb down the side of my face. “I wish.”
I tossed the sheets aside and sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “I’m sorry I passed out last night,” I said. My heart ached knowing that I’d wasted so much time I could have had with him. As soon as he’d gotten in bed, the exhaustion had overtaken both of us, and we’d gradually fallen asleep next to one another.
“Don’t be sorry,” he told me. “It was… incredible.”
“I’m sure you probably would have liked to come instead of just having me play with your hair until we both passed out,” I said.