In all her guilt, Lourdes never paused to analyze what others might think, and she just accepted the worst. Especially about her cousin. A cousin, who in my understanding, is sometimes closer to her than her brothers.
“Does he really?” she asks after a while, leaning into me, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders, hugging her tight. My response is a sad smile, and her brows scrunch up. “But that makes no sense. How can he protect us when we were ambushed and—”
“Apply that same explanation to your situation, kiddo. You did nothing wrong.” Lourdes gives me a minute nod. “Good. Now rest up until we get there. Javi needs us to be strong and give him space when needed.”
“You’re good for him.”
“I hope I’ll be.”
“You will.” Her conviction warms my heart, and the sucker gives a harsh thump in agreement. This—us—is crazy and unpredictable and dangerous, but I wouldn’t change a single thing about it. In not making sense, we fit. In not being afraid to be who we are, we become stronger.
That man has become my person.
Mine.
“Thank you,” I say, and we both close our eyes after. She’s lost within her thoughts, and I vow to let him know how I feel soon.
Because I love him. Completely and unequivocally, I’m head over heels for that murderous sweetheart.
I’m shaken awake by a hand on my arm. The movement jostles me, pulling me from the nap the car’s movements lulled me into and my eyes snap open.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Lourdes smiles, and it’s genuine and she looks sweet. Nothing like the hurt girl from a little while ago. “Are you ready to see him, or want to freshen up first?”
“What has you in a sudden good mood?” I ask, stretching a bit before stepping out in front of a beautiful two-story home where armed guards stand at every corner with rifles strapped across their chests. “It’s a good look on you.”
“He’s going to flip when he sees you.”
“And that makes you happy?”
“I know he misses you.” She flicks her eyes behind us before leaning over conspiratorially. “Javier’s mentioned you at least fifty times a day since arriving and looks at his phone twice as much. You’re the half of his soul keeping him together.”
20
MY MIND IS a dangerous place to be, and losing myself within is taking its toll. I’m angry and hurting and still not able to fully process that the woman who brought me into this world is now gone.
That I wasn’t here to protect her as a good son should.
That Ida Lucas was taken from us by a selfish son of a bitch wanting revenge over the death of a thieving asshole I killed a few months back. The same thieving asshole that left her in a wheelchair.
Two brothers. Each stole from her things that could never be replaced:
Her ability to walk. Her life.
“We’ll find him, Javi,” Alejandro vows, the hand on my shoulder squeezing tight. “I swear on my life that we’ll find him.”
“Rats never stay hidden for long.” He nods and I pick up my glass, throwing back the last of the Aguardiente before standing. “Call Tito and up the reward through the surrounding barrios. I want his head on a spike within twenty-four hours.”
“Listo.”
“I’ll be in my room. Let me know if...” Fuck, my heart thumps and palms sweat at the sight of her. My beautiful little criminal with a coquettish smile and warm eyes is standing just inside the doorway to the study watching me. How did she get here? How did she know I needed her?
Mariah’s looking a bit nervous, a little rumpled from what I guess is traveling, but here. She’s here, and it hits me then just how much I’ve been yearning for.
Her. Just her.
“Hi.” Mariah’s voice is soft, and I let it surround me. Soothe me. “Miss me?”
“Come here.” My voice is rough with the sudden emotions rushing through me. I’m holding a hand out for her and every finger shakes, arm muscles twitching until her dainty hand wraps around my rough one.
Then it’s calm, and I breathe.
No words are exchanged as I lose myself in her seafoam eyes, letting her presence give me the one thing I’ve been missing since Alejandro’s call: peace. A small semblance of what I’ve had with her these last few weeks, and right now, I feel blessed to have her standing in front of me.
“You never answered my question, Javi.” There’s a playful tsk that comes from the back of her throat, a mock glare, but it’s the twitch of her glossy lips that pulls a chuckle from me. “Making me wait is unacceptable.”
“It is.” I lift her hand and kiss each knuckle. “I’ve more than missed you, sweetheart. I’ve been a little lost without you.”
It’s the truth, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
There are times in our lives where showing weakness is a strength, and being honest with the woman that’s come to own my soul is one of them. So I let her see me. See the pain that’s settled into my heart and I can’t deal with alone.
“That’s because we don’t work well without the other.” Rising to the tips of her toes, Mariah kisses my chin and then pulls back, releasing my hand. “It’s why I’m here, Javi. I’m here for you...whatever you need.”
Without waiting for my reply, she looks over at a silent Alejandro and walks over, giving the usually serious man a quick hug. She says something to him—it’s too low for me to hear, but he smiles and walks toward the room’s entrance with a knowing expression on his face.
And when he’s right beside me, my cousin pauses his steps. “She’s one of the good ones, Javier. Treat her right.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
Then it’s just the two of us, and the tension rises for a completely different reason. My missing her goes deeper than just the physical. It goes past carnal hunger or the way we challenge each other.
“Show me your room.” Hips sway toward me and I follow the movement, admiring how beautiful she is in a simple pair of jeans and an old Spice Girl’s shirt. “You look like you need some rest.”
“Let me show you around first. You have to be starving—” Her finger over my lips shuts me up, and I raise a brow.
“Room. Now.” Then the naughty little thing mimics my stance, brow, and all. This makes me want to bite her. “Comprende?”
“You’re lucky I like you.”
“And you’re just lucky I’m a saint.”
“Saint, my ass.” With that, I toss her over my shoulder and walk out of the room with her whisper-cursing me all the way to the master bedroom at the top of the stairs with the large double doors. No one stops me or asks who she is, but I catch the smile on Lourdes’s face and Emiliano smirking. Even their mother looks amused during a time when sadness is all we’ve felt.
“I’m going to whoop you, Javi. Put me down.”
“No.” I kick the door closed with my foot and march over to the bed.
“Javier Lucas, I swear to all that…shit!”
I’m looking down on her breathless form now atop my bed, her eyes bright. “You were saying, Muñeca?”