She doesn’t say anything, which I take as a good sign, but she does take a step away from me, pulling out of my grip.
“We brought over Mrs. Bartley’s old barstools. We thought they would look good around your island,” Miss Janet says, eyeing the island before she looks at Amber. “Luke, why don’t you help Burns bring them in?”
“It’s okay, I’ll get them,” I say, side-eyeing Amber, who hasn’t said a word. “I wouldn’t want him to break a hip.”
“Jackwagon,” Burns mutters, setting his Polaroid camera down. “No respect.”
12
- Amber -
“Are we going to finish what we started, or do you plan to keep yourself as busy as possible so you can avoid me?”
“Son of biscuit!” I twirl around from where I’m loading the washing machine to find Luke standing at the bottom of the basement stairs. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“I had to corner you; otherwise, you’d find some way to avoid me.”
“I’m not avoiding you,” I lie, turning back toward the washing machine. My cheeks burn just thinking about our kiss earlier. “I’ve got things to do before I have to go to work.”
“Well, then let me help you.” He chuckles. His heavy footsteps clunk against the cement floor, sending my heart rate skyrocketing out of control.
I tried not to replay our moment in the kitchen over and over, but it was mind-blowing. Wake me up, take my breath away, and leave me wanting more, mind-blowing. I am so screwed, but a small part of me won’t let me give in and get swept away by Luke’s charm. There is still a lot of distrust and past wounds I can’t ignore.
“You don’t need to help. I’m just finishing it up,” I say.
“Good, then we can finish what we started,” Luke says close to my ear, his breath tickling the side of my face and my legs wobble.
“No,” I say on a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Luke’s closeness weakens my control over my chaotic, lust-filled emotions. Turning around, I tilt my head up to see Luke’s face, the corners of his mouth curves up ever so slightly.
Stop looking at his mouth!
“What is holding you back?” Luke asks as his hands gently wrap around my own.
A shiver races down my spine when his thumb gently caresses my knuckles. I bite my lip, looking away from his eyes. Eyes that have a way of breaking down my defenses when he looks at me.
“I don’t trust you,” I blurt out when Luke tilts my head up.
“I know.” He swallows. “How do I fix that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can we talk about it?” He runs a finger down my temple and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and I almost sigh.
“I don’t know…”
“You’re being stubborn again.” He chuckles but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Come on, I’ll make you some coffee.”
Luke leads us up the stairs into the mud room, then releases my hand and walks to the coffee maker while I take a seat on one of the new barstools.
“I don’t know where to start,” he says over his shoulder.
I look around for the kids. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea…”
“Emily and Matt are getting ready for bed. They will be fine,” Luke says, taking my coffee cup to the fridge and pouring creamer in it. “I think we need to get this part over with so we can move on to the good stuff.”
“You act as if nothing horrible happened between us.” I don’t want to listen to him brush off the heartbreak he caused all those years ago. It may not have hurt him like it hurt me, but that doesn’t give him the right to disregard my feelings. “Do you sweep all your problems under the rug and pretend they don’t exist?”
“I’m not trying to sweep anything under the rug; I’m trying to be here for you. Trying to show you I’m still the man you once loved.” Luke sets the coffee cup down in front of me then sits on the barstool and scoots closer. “I didn’t want to run off, but at the time, I didn’t have much of a choice.”
“Why did you run off? You just said it couldn’t work and then you were gone. There were so many rumors flying around that I never could figure out what was true and what was a lie.”
“I’m not surprised. So many lies were circulating before I left… I can only image they got worse once I was gone.” Luke grabs my hand and studies it, lightly tracing the lines across my palm. I want to pull away, but his touch is comforting.
“So, what is the truth?” I finally ask, though it comes out as a whisper.
Luke searches my face for several seconds before he asks, “Do you remember Christine McKnight? Warren’s cousin?”
I nod but don’t respond.
“There was a party we were both at. Just before you and I started dating. I got pretty wasted and she claims we hooked up. I don’t remember any of it. Clint was there and got me home but seven months later, she claimed I knocked her up.”
“I had heard that, but a few months after you left, she married some guy from River Bend.”
Luke nods, all emotion has left his face and I don’t know how to interpret the look he has now. “Sheriff McKnight Senior told me Christine was pregnant and that I was the father. I denied it. The timing seemed off, too. Clint thought if I had knocked her up, she would be nine months pregnant, but McKnight wasn’t going to listen to me over his niece.”
“So, you left?” Luke flinches at my tone and I feel a ping of guilt. I know him telling me this is hard, but it was hard picking up the pieces after he left. It was hard figuring out what my new future was going to look like. It’s hard to feel bad for him when he was the one that broke us.
“Not exactly. I told McKnight that I wanted a paternity test, and he got pissed I would even dare question Christine’s word. Not long after, he threw my dad in jail for drunk and disorderly. It wasn’t Dad’s first time, but McKnight cornered me and said if I don’t step up and take responsibility for Christine and the baby, he would slap an assaulting an officer charge on my dad. He’d be behind bars for years and my brothers would be put into foster care, because there was no way McKnight would let me be their guardian.”
“Did your dad really assault an officer?” I ask, absently touching his forearm. Luke glances down to where my hand is and looks relived. I want to pull it away but I can’t seem to muster that kind of meanness. Luke’s dad was always a source of pain for him.
“I’ll never know for sure. My dad was a mean bastard. I wouldn’t have put it past him…” Luke sucks in a deep breath then tilts my head so he can search my eyes. “I wanted to tell you everything, but I was young and naïve and didn’t want it to get out and jeopardize my brothers. I didn’t care if my dad was sent to jail, but I cared about what would happen to them. You knew how Jax was back then. How all of them were. Clint would have gotten out of the system unscathed but Eric and Jax would have landed in juvie and don’t think McKnight didn’t threaten to have them locked up.”
“So, I told McKnight I would join the military and get setup so I could take care of Christine and the baby. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I didn’t have much of a choice. He put me in a spot where I had to choose you or my brothers. I didn’t even know if you would want me if you knew Christine was pregnant, so I did what I thought was best and end things with you. I should have told you the truth about it all, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to end things with you but mostly I didn’t want to see you disappointed in me.”