“Merde,” he whispers.
“Yeah. Anyway, a few months went by, I moved out, found a place, and started rebuilding. Then, one day, I get a call. It was her best friend, Michelle. I was expecting to be cussed out again, but instead she told me that she had found out Rachel was pregnant.”
Felix’s eyes pop open. “Oh no.”
“Yeah, so I panicked thinking, 'oh shit, I’m having a kid', but then Michelle told me that the father was her husband. Rachel and Michelle’s husband had been having an affair for over a year.”
His mouth forms a perfect O. “No?”
“Yes. So my instinct was right. I knew something was off. I never suspected that though. Never. She was home every night, never seemed to come up with weird excuses for lateness or any of the normal signs. Michelle told me they were meeting on lunch breaks. They had no choice but to fess up when Rachel got pregnant.”
“What a terrible thing to do to people who love you.”
I nod. “Yeah, but it’s okay. I’m not heartbroken, not jaded. Once I was out of it for a while, I realized I think we were only getting married because it’s what made sense.” I shrug. “I don’t think we were in love. She certainly wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry though. It’s still not a nice way to be treated.”
“No, it’s not.” I smile. “But since then, I’ve been really happy. I bought a house, got a new job that I love, and learned a really important thing about myself I didn’t know until recently.”
“Can you share?” He tilts his straw, taking a large gulp of his Pepsi. He releases a contented sigh. “Delicious.”
I laugh softly. “Making me want one.”
Our appetizer is delivered, and we spend a few minutes plating, and then taking bites. The wine is delicious, but the company is excellent.
“Actually, maybe you can help me.”
“How?” Felix asks, nibbling on a fried leek.
“I recently discovered I’m attracted to men.”
Felix nearly chokes, gripping his throat and coughing before grabbing some wine and drinking the entire glass.
“Are you okay?”
He nods, his cheeks flushed. He clears his throat. “Yes.” He laughs, nervously. “Just swallowed wrong. Did you say…you are…euh…attracted to men?”
“Yeah. I said that.”
“I see. How did this discovery occur?”
“I met a guy that I was feeling. I decided to explore that, so I went out and purposely started talking to guys I thought were hot. It wasn’t isolated, so I figured I must be bisexual.”
He’s still staring at me, wide-eyed, as if I’m some kind of alien life form.
“Felix?”
He blinks hard. “Yes. I’m surprised.”
“Not as much as I was.” I lift a piece of shrimp and drag it through the sauce. “I guess I thought your sexuality was something you figured out early on. I didn’t know it could come at you in your late-thirties.”
“Most interesting.”
“Yeah.”
We’re silent as Felix refills his wine glass. He drinks a large amount, but then seems to stop himself as he stares at the glass and sets it on the table.
“How do you feel about this revelation?”
I shrug. “It’s cool. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I figured it would be similar to dating women, but a lot of guys seem interested in hooking up but nothing else.”
His face pales as he swallows so hard, I can see him do it.
“If this is uncomfortable, I’m sorry. We can talk about something else.”
“No, it’s not. I know exactly what you mean. Are you looking for…more than that?”
“Yeah. I think I’d like to date. Get to know someone before the physical part.” I grin. “It’s my first time, you know.”
Felix’s eyes widen again. “You haven’t…I...euh.”
“No, I haven’t. Just a little groping and stuff.”
“Oh.”
“Which is how I knew, yeah, I’m definitely into guys.”
“Yes, well groping…and stuff…is an adequate way to determine one’s preferences.”
I raise an eyebrow. “An adequate way to determine one’s preferences?”
He releases a jittery laugh. “That did not sound very American twenty-something-year-old, did it?”
“No.”
“Right.” He smiles. “Good job?” He shakes his head. “No. Exploring is nice.” He frowns. “Merde. How would you respond to this?”
“I guess I’d say, grabbing a handful of dick is a good way to know if you’re down with the D.”
“Down with the D.” He nods. “Noted.”
I chuckle, sipping my wine. “You’re adorable.”
He screws up his face. “I don’t want to be adorable.”
“What do you want to be then?”
“Appealing. Sexy. Desirable.”
I nod slowly, studying his face, with a smirk on mine, and suddenly seeing him with new eyes. “You date much in France?”
“Enough.”
“Is it easier or harder there than here?”
“I hardly know. I was inexperienced when I left, but…” His gaze shifts to his wine glass as he swirls it. “Some things are the same in both places. There is a lot of focus on thinness in France. Here in Miami, on body perfection, but I am what I am. I had a choice to make. Abs or chocolate.” He smiles. “I chose chocolate.”
“Good choice.”
“Any man who does not want me as I am, is not the man for me. I love who I am. All the parts of me.”
“It shows. Your confidence is evident.”
He fixes his eyes on me, bright-green gems glimmering beneath thick, black lashes. His lips are full and heart shaped, and I remember that from when he was younger. He’s stunning to look at, and the longer I do, the warmer the feeling between my legs. Just as my thoughts are carrying me somewhere they shouldn’t, Lucien flashes in my mind. Right. Little brother. Friend only.
I tear my eyes away and take a sip of wine, if only to have something to do besides letting my mind wonder what his lips might feel like. Taste like.
“You mentioned I could help you?”
I wave him off. “Never mind. It’s dumb.”
“Nothing you could say would be. You got me a job interview. If I could do something for you, I would.”
I meet his curious eyes again. I shouldn’t ask him. I could get one of the guys from work maybe. Or even Dulce. But the way he’s looking at me, his big eyes locked on mine, his face so open and accepting, draws the words to my lips.
“I need dating advice. I want to know how to get a man.”
Felix
Merde.
Apollo wants dating advice? From me? How could I even start when the only thing on my mind is preventing my dick from erupting in my pants. It’s painfully hard with the knowledge that Apollo has moved from frustratingly straight to potential love interest. He’s not really though. I know this. He would never be interested in me. Not because I’m not gorgeous. I am. I’m just not for him. I’m too young, and nothing but his best friend’s baby brother in his eyes. It’s why he feels comfortable even asking me.