When we arrived at the hospital, we parked next to Styx and walked inside. “Assholes. Think they’d never seen cuts before,” AK said, gesturing with his chin around the entrance of the hospital. People must have been watching. I didn’t give a fuck. I never noticed other people anyway.
And I hated hospitals. The stink. The sounds. My skin broke out in cold sweats at the memory of being strapped to a hospital bed and injected with shit that made the flames in my veins worse. Doctors and nurses who kept me pinned down while demons fucking ripped me apart inside, drugging me with shit that took my screams away but not the flames.
“Flame.” I switched my attention to AK, who was standing in an open elevator with Styx. “Get in. Maddie’s just up here.” Maddie. Maddie would make everything better. Clear the fog in my brain and my lungs, that didn’t want to breathe. I’d touch her hand, and everything would calm down.
I rocked on my feet as the elevator climbed high. I saw Styx signing something to AK, but I only focused on the lights telling me how far we were from the floor were Maddie was. When the door opened, I burst through into the hallway. “This way.” AK pointed. I followed him and Styx to a desk, and we were let into another hallway.
“There’s Zane,” AK said.
Zane got to his feet and held out his hands. “Ash texted me, Uncle. I can explain—”
“Not the fuck now,” AK spat. “I’m gonna meet these kids of Ky and Lilah’s, and then take you and Phebe home.” He pointed a finger at Zane’s face. “Then we’re gonna have a talk, kid. A real fucking long talk.” Zane nodded and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, dropping his head.
“Zane! I’m thirsty! Papa told me you had to take me to get a soda and some snacks.” Grace—Ky and Lilah’s kid—stood beside Zane, looking up at him. She pulled on his arm, taking his hand from his pocket. “Let’s go! I ain’t got all day!” Grace yanked on Zane’s hand and dragged him down the hallway, out of sight.
“That kid will be a fucking ball-buster one day.” AK shook his head. “Takes after her old man. Right now, Zane deserves her smart mouth bossing him around. Little shit.”
The double doors in front of us opened and Ky walked out. Styx moved first, smiling at his VP, and hugged him. AK hugged him too. Ky nodded at me. “Flame.”
“Well?” AK asked.
“Two healthy kids.” Ky pushed his hands through his long blond hair. “Azrael and Talitha. Li named them both. Some biblical shit.” He shrugged. “Don’t fucking care. After seeing her cut open to get them out, but so fucking strong, smiling through it all, she could have named the kids Cuntface and Shithead if she’d wanted to and I wouldn’t have cared.” AK and Styx laughed. But my eyes were fixed on the small glass windows of the double doors. I moved closer when I saw Maddie’s purple dress pass by. She was in that room.
AK and Ky talked behind me, but I didn’t listen to their words, it was all white noise. My feet ground to a halt as I looked through the window to see Lilah on the bed, Phebe and Bella on chairs beside her. Bella was holding Charon. Mae held one of the babies… and Maddie held the other. My chest tightened so fucking hard that I fought to breathe. Seeing Maddie was meant to make my breathing better. But seeing her like this… it was worse. So much fucking worse. Maddie was holding a baby. My Maddie, staring down at a kid wrapped in a blue blanket… and she was talking to it. Fucking smiling, smiling so big that I couldn’t take my eyes off her glowing face.
Maddie was holding a baby. I’d only ever held one baby… My skin burned, it fucking set on fire at the memories that were trying to break through the fog in my head. I focused on Maddie. On her beautiful, perfect face and how it would make everything better if she just looked my way.
Then Maddie’s lips started to move. I couldn’t hear her through the thick wooden doors, but I knew she was singing. I knew what her voice sounded like. And I knew what she’d be singing. “This Little Light of Mine…”
My palms flattened on the doors and I read her lips as she sang. Watched her small body sway with the baby in her arms. My throat began to close. I remembered Maddie’s picture from her sketchbook. Not the one of us holding each other, the one that had made me want to touch her when I’d never wanted to touch anyone else. The one with her holding a baby, me beside her.
But I couldn’t ever hold a baby. We couldn’t ever have one of our own. Maddie knew that. My touch killed babies. Isaiah… I remembered Isaiah in my arms, red and screaming in the cellar. Then I remembered holding him, his cries stopping and his breathing turning strange.
His chest rattled. I’d counted his breaths. One… He’d sounded bad, real fucking bad. I’d counted two to eleven… then the breathing stopped. His skin color changed on eleven… He never reached twelve. He never fucking reached twelve.
My eyes snapped back to Maddie in that room. My hands were shaking and sweat dripped down my neck. Maddie’s skin color was funny too. Just like Isaiah’s had been. Was she as sick as he had been? “Maddie,” I whispered. Maddie turned her head at something Lilah said. I stared down at my hands. They were shaking so fucking bad that I clenched my fists to try to make them stop. But they didn’t. Then I froze. Was my touch making her sick? Was it me who was hurting her? Finally? I backed away from the window and slumped on the nearest seat. But I kept staring at my hands. Trying to see if they looked different. If the devil had somehow made me eviler, more damned, so I would hurt Maddie.
“Flame? You good?” AK asked from across the hall, where he stood beside Styx and Ky. I automatically nodded, but I kept staring at my hands, waiting for a sign that the evil was stronger than ever, watching my veins to see if they would change color. I squeezed my eyes shut and let Maddie’s singing voice invade my head. Her soft voice always kept me calm.
Immediately, I could breathe some.
I tried to tell myself that my touch couldn’t be hurting her. But then I pictured her with the baby. I couldn’t hold babies. I hurt them. I’d killed my brother. My poppa had told me so. I’d killed my mama too. Maddie said I didn’t, but now she was sick. Ash was going bad. The devil was dragging him down to hell with me. We had the same blood. The same flames in our souls…
I kept focusing on Maddie’s singing voice in my head. She’d be with me soon. She’d make everything better. She always made it better.
And she’d chase away the devil and his flames.
Chapter Two
Maddie
“Azrael, you are beyond perfect.” I gently leaned over the bed to place him back in Lilah’s arms. My sister was smiling as I handed him over. I saw her flinch, but even the pain from her caesarean could not steal her joyful shine. I stared at my sister in awe. Lilah was always beautiful, but I did not think I had ever seen her look as perfect as she did now.
I took a seat beside Mae, who was holding Talitha. I ran my finger down Talitha’s rosy cheek. A fissure of nerves travelled down my spine as she moved under my touch. Nerves mixed with an excitement I could barely contain. As I sat back in my seat, Bella slipped her hand into mine. “Have you told him yet, sister?”