Damien tapped his glass against the surface, getting the guy’s attention.
The bartender refilled Damien’s glass. When he tried to fill mine, I simply shook my head.
I couldn’t drink the way I used to.
Damien took a drink, then turned in his chair to face me. Now that we were talking about something bigger than the two of us, it started to feel like old times, it started to feel like us. “The guy takes things personally. And he’ll personally come after us. He’ll definitely be pissed off.”
“Good. I want him to be pissed off.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that? I mean, you haven’t recovered all the way yet.”
It would take a long time to be back to normal, but I was well enough to do what needed to be done. “I’m ready.”
Damien stared at me for a while, as if he were reading my gaze. He didn’t object to what I said, just let it be. “Then we’ll start as soon as possible. No going back.”
I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to finish this. I wanted to do what I should’ve done a long time ago. “Then we’re done here.” I rose to my feet and prepared to depart.
Damien grabbed my arm. “Hang on.”
I twisted out of his hold and gave him a venomous stare. “Don’t touch me again.”
Damien returned his hand to his thigh. He looked at me for a while, apology slowly coming into his gaze. “I don’t want it to be this way. Hades, you mean the world to me. I would die for you…I mean that. I love Sofia like a sister, and I hate myself for what happened to her. I just want you to know that.”
I stared at him for several seconds, and I almost felt the sympathy in my heart. But it disappeared quickly, evaporating like boiling water. I turned my gaze away and walked off, leaving him alone at the bar.
When I walked in the door, it was past midnight. I gently shut the bedroom door behind me so Sofia wouldn’t wake. It was dark because all the lights were off, so I slowly crept to my closet and undressed.
When I walked back to the bed, I realized she was awake.
Wide awake.
I stopped at the edge of the bed and looked at her, seeing her expressive eyes. She didn’t look tired at all. Instead, she looked exhausted but unable to sleep.
She stared at me with unblinking eyes. “Where were you?”
“Out with Damien.” I pulled the sheets back and got into bed.
She seemed uncomfortable with that answer. “With Damien at this time of night?”
Did she not believe me? Why was that so hard to believe? “Yes.”
She turned her gaze away, visibly closing herself off from me.
I leaned against the headboard and stared at the side of her face. “I’m missing something.”
She looked out the patio doors even though the view was blocked by the closed curtains.
When she didn’t say anything, I pressed further. “Talk to me.”
She refused to look at me.
“Don’t make me ask you again.”
She slowly turned her gaze my way, her eyes reflecting the sliver of light in the bedroom. “Don’t lie to me.”
My heart started to slam in my chest. My initial response was anger.
No. It was rage.
I was an honest man, so honest, it got me into deep shit all the time. And the idea that I would lie to her, my own fucking wife, was bullshit. I had to carefully swallow those emotions and not explode at her. “I’m not lying.”
“You hate Damien. And you have no reason to talk to him in the middle of the night.” She looked forward once again.
I had to take a couple breaths so I wouldn’t do something stupid. “And what do you think I was doing?”
“You already know.”
I reminded myself of everything she’d been through…due to my mistakes. I reminded myself that she was emotionally stunted. I remembered her view of marriage before she became my wife. All she’d ever known was rich men with mistresses. Now that our relationship was rocky, she assumed the worst. If only she knew how much I loved her, she would understand how fucking stupid she sounded. I wanted to tell her then and there that I was madly in love with her. I’d rather spend a lifetime with her not getting laid than spend my nights with endless beautiful women. “I’m gonna cut you some slack, ’cause shit is hard right now. Let me remind you that I’m painfully honest. If I’m fucking someone, I’ll say it to your face. Spoiler alert. I’m not. If I tell you something, it’s the complete truth. I was with Damien at the bar talking about Maddox.”
She wouldn’t look at me.
“When I told you I was committed to this marriage, I meant it. Just because we aren’t having sex doesn’t mean I’m gonna go looking for it somewhere else. You’re the only woman I want… I wish you understood that. The only reason I’m not screaming at you right now is because I know you’ve been through a lot. But I would never do that, no matter how hard things get. You could never sleep with me again, and I’d still be right here. I’m in this for the long haul. Even if you wanted to divorce me, I wouldn’t let you. It’s you and me…forever. Do you understand that?”
Her breathing picked up noticeably, and she turned her head slightly farther to the right so I couldn’t see her face. She was unresponsive to my declaration, but her heightened breathing relayed its own story.
“Sofia, do you understand that?”
She ignored me.
My voice became sterner. “Look at me. Now.”
She fought me initially, but when her body started to shake, it was obvious she’d lost the battle. She finally turned her face back to me, eyes full of tears and with wet cheeks. Her bottom lip was trembling because she couldn’t keep her emotions stable.
It broke my heart to see her like that, to see such a strong woman feel so insecure. If she only understood the depth of my feelings, she would understand just how perfect she was, regardless of the things that had happened to her. But it also told me she was scared to lose me, that she didn’t want me to be with anyone else, that she wanted me all to herself. She was invested in this marriage, and her guard was down. That meant I could hurt her…and that terrified her.
“Baby, I’m yours.” I moved into her side and wrapped my arms around her. I brought her close and cradled her face against my chest. My fingers slid into the back of her hair, and I held her against me. I listened to my wife cry, listened to her open her heart to me. She underappreciated her value and thought I would do the same thing. “I will never hurt you. I promise.”
Her arm wrapped around my waist, and she cuddled into me. Her tears only lasted a few more minutes before she forced herself to calm down. Once the silence was the only sound between us, she whispered into the darkness, “I don’t want to lose you.”
Those words brought me joy, but they also brought me pain. My chin rested on her head so she couldn’t see my face. She couldn’t see the moisture that built up in my eyes. “You could never lose me.”
Our relationship improved over the week.
She wasn’t as distant with me. She extended affection often, kissing me goodbye when I dropped her off at work and embracing me when I picked her up again. When we went to sleep together, our bodies were always wrapped around each other.