I raised an eyebrow. “How did you know that?”
Damien rested his fingers on his glass as he considered a response. “Ash told me.”
I’d mentioned it in passing to him the other day. Since they worked together, that was plausible.
“Well, I’m happy for you.”
I gave a slight nod in acknowledgment. I wanted to say more, but I was still so livid with him. When hatred grew to indifference, that meant the relationship was beyond saving. Right now, I just hated him…and I couldn’t stop. I blamed him for everything.
“You’ll be a good father.”
“Are we done here?” I didn’t want to have these kinds of conversations anymore. It was a conversation between friends, not adversaries.
Damien couldn’t stop the hurt from entering his face. “Only business, huh?”
“Yes. Business only.”
Damien looked like he was going to slam the glass down and shatter it. Rage filled his eyes, and he writhed in silence. Then he stood up abruptly, prepared to depart. “I’m done apologizing to you. I’m sorry about what happened. But you need to take responsibility for what happened too. If you really wanted to settle down and have a quiet life, you should’ve left. But you didn’t. Don’t put that shit on me.”
I should have gone home, but Damien’s final words continued to echo in my mind. The loud music muffled my thoughts but didn’t silence them altogether. My hand was wrapped around the glass, and I stared at the contents, unsure what drink I was on. Alone, I sat in the bar like I had no one to go home to.
When he’d walked off, I’d almost chased after him and broke his jaw. But I reminded myself he wasn’t worth my time, so I just let him go. Was there any merit to what he said? Had he been right? Was I the one to blame for what happened to my wife?
I couldn’t carry that guilt.
I already carried all of her pain and sadness. And with every nightmare she had, I felt that agony more and more. Once we confirmed that the baby was mine, she seemed to relax a bit, but the fact that she wouldn’t sleep with me told me that she wasn’t okay.
Maybe she would never be okay.
“You look miserable.” The brunette I’d seen earlier slid into the booth beside me. She had a cosmo with her, and her deep blue dress was short and very revealing for January. She gave me a gentle nudge in the arm. “You’re too hot to be miserable.”
We’d slept together sometime in the past, but I couldn’t quite remember when. It was some time after Sofia dumped me, and I was in so much pain. I fucked everyone to forget her, but there weren’t enough beautiful women in the world to accomplish that. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, just brood in silence, so I said nothing.
“Did you and Damien get into a fight?” She continued to sit beside me, far too close considering all the vacant seats around us.
“No. We just aren’t friends anymore.”
Her eyes filled with sadness. “That’s too bad. You guys are cute together.”
“Don’t say shit like that.”
She brushed off my insult. She looked at her glass for a while and tapped her long nails against the surface. “You want to get out of here?”
My hand grabbed my glass, so maybe she didn’t see my wedding ring. I placed my palm on the surface so it was unmistakable. “I’m married.”
She didn’t look at my hand. “I know.”
I pulled my hand away, slightly offended that my status didn’t matter to her. Cheating never used to bother me. I’d bedded married women before, guilt-free. My sense of morality was nonexistent. But all of that changed when I met Sofia. “I’m not that kind of guy.”
“Really? Then why are you sitting alone in a bar? Happily married men don’t go to bars. The ones who do are always unhappy, and they are always looking for something to make themselves feel better. You fit that description perfectly.”
Yes, I was miserable. I’d lost my best friend, and my wife was still disturbed by what had happened to her. I didn’t know how to kill my enemy, and I hadn’t had sex in so long, I was starting to lose my mind. Without it, I felt lost. All the frustrations that bubbled under the skin couldn’t escape. My wife’s rejection wounded me, and I pretended it wasn’t a big deal so I wouldn’t look like an ass, but I was really disappointed. One of the things I loved most in my relationship with Sofia was gone.
She moved her hand to my thigh. “Come home with me.”
I could feel her fingers dig into my thigh, feel her hand migrate to where my dick was located. If I found release tonight, no one would ever know. It didn’t mean anything to me, just a way to cure the loneliness. The fact that I let this moment happen at all told me how lost I was. This wasn’t me. And if it was, I didn’t want it to be. I grabbed her wrist and pushed it away. “I am gonna go home, but to my wife.”
I never told Sofia what happened at the bar. A part of me felt like a liar and a cheater. I shouldn’t have let that moment go as far as it did. But I also knew, at the end of the day, I said no. I didn’t give in to the temptation and went home where I belonged.
I said no. That was what mattered.
So, I said nothing. It would make her feel insecure. It would make her feel guilty for not sleeping with me, and I didn’t want to rush her into something she wasn’t ready for. I wanted her to be with me because she wanted it, not because she was scared to lose me.
I walked into her office and saw her sitting at her desk. Her silky hair was pulled back, revealing her beautiful face and full lips. Her green eyes were down and reading reports. She was in a sweater dress and knee-high boots.
I stared at her for a second, feeling the guilt eat me alive. My wife was so beautiful. How could I think, even for a second, about someone else? She was pregnant with my son, and I loved her so much. I knew I’d only felt that way because it had been a rough couple of months. But I still felt so shitty.
When she realized I was in the room, she looked up and noticed me. A smile full of sunshine appeared on her lips as she looked so thrilled to see me standing there. “Wow, it’s five already?” She gathered her papers and organized them in the drawers.
I inched farther into the room and watched her beautiful figure as she moved to clean up her desk. Constantly being reminded how sexy she was didn’t help these desperate urges in my body.
When she finished, she came around the desk and embraced me. Her arms moved around my shoulders and she kissed me, her soft lips moving against mine for a kiss that was full of hot breaths and a little bit of tongue.
My hands glided over her body, feeling the deep curve in her back and the little bulge in her stomach. My hands wanted to grab her ass and squeeze, but I stayed away from particular areas. This kiss was enough to get me hot and bothered, to think about throwing her on the desk and taking her how I wanted. I couldn’t be myself, couldn’t be the man I really was. I was forced to be patient, respectful, and celibate.
I couldn’t do this for any other woman.
She pulled away but kept her face close to mine. “You want to go out to dinner tonight?”
We never went anywhere. After what happened, Sofia had wanted to stay home. This was a curve ball, but after what she’d been through, I would do whatever she wanted. “Sure.”