“And if you wanted to quit, would she try to stop you?” he asks. “Would she let you go if you were ready to start a new life?”
I’m not convinced Inez would let me, in particular, go without a fight, but the other girls are allowed to move on when they decide it’s time. Fortunately and unfortunately, there’s never a shortage of women willing to put their values on the line for quick cash. When one goes, there’s always another ready to pick up where she left off.
“She’d never force anyone to put their bodies up for sale. That’s ridiculous.” I cross my arms over my chest, defensive of Inez. She isn’t a gold star member of society, but she cares about her girls the only way she knows how. “Inez has strict guidelines, but everyone’s allowed to come and go as they please.”
He exhales and says, “Then you’re already better than the people I know.”
“Who do you know?” I ask speculatively.
Talent pushes away from the kitchen counter and drops to his knees in front of me, placing his hands on either side of the couch cushion beside my legs. “I’m not the man you think I am, Lydia. I don’t know how to explain it to you beyond that right now. What I can say is that I’m constantly surrounded by people, but I never feel seen unless I’m with you.”
Softening up, I uncross my arms and meet his penetrating stare. It’s hard for me to admit, but I dig deep and whisper, “Me too.”
“I don’t have the answers, but give me the chance to learn, baby.” He rests his forehead on the top of my knees. I bury my fingers in his hair. “If you want an education, I’ll take care of you while you do it. I’ll be your family. Let me deal with any motherfucker who dares mention your past when you’re with me. No one will threaten you if we’re together, Lydia.”
I scratch his scalp and chuckle. “My past? Talent, I’m the same whore today as I was when I walked into your office two months ago.”
He lifts his head from my lap and shakes his head. “No.”
Inhaling through my nose, I part my lips to argue, but Talent crushes his mouth against mine and kisses me. Any argument I have perishes with the taste of passion.
“No,” he says again. “Not anymore.”
It would be effortless to lie and say I won’t return to Inez tomorrow to temporarily relieve his anxiety, but it’s not that simple and my word is my bond. I don’t have much to offer Talent. I’ve shared my body with more men than I will ever remember, and I’m not sure I can be a normal partner in any capacity. Talent needs to commit himself to someone who can stand beside him at business functions and client dinners without questioning if his girlfriend has fucked someone in the room. A relationship with me will never consist of a white picket fence and date nights while the babies sleep, because I scarcely pass as a functioning human being. How could I ever raise another soul?
I won’t do to a child what Cricket did to me.
But my word is constant. He can count on the truth.
So, I don’t say anything and let him kiss me.
He grabs my hips and pulls my bottom to the end of the couch. He hooks my knee over his shoulder, and I fight the onslaught of emotion that bombards me with the desire in his stare. I forever wish my life were different, but I’ve never wanted to be normal more than I do in this moment under Talent’s affection.
Love is not for me.
But the devotion staring back at me nearly convinces me it’s possible.
His fingers slide up the outside of my thigh, and he kisses the inside of my knee. My chest rises and falls as I inhale heavily, pushing open my shirt. Talent flattens his palm against my lower stomach, and he presses a kiss to my pelvic bone, and lower, and lower.
When his lips touch mine, I gasp and let the tears fall from my eyes all at once. If I were given the chance to change one thing about my life, it wouldn’t be my childhood or the choice I made to run away after my mom died. My wish would be that Talent be the only man who’s touched me this way.
He breathes against my center before licking between my folds and sliding his fingers into me, and how have I not allowed this to happen before now?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know how treasured it could be.
How gentle.
How smooth.
And now I do, and it’s too late.
Covering my mouth with my hand, I’m both devastated and enraptured. This is the best and worst I’ve ever felt, and I can’t decide if the universe is finally taking pity on my tortured soul or if it’s throwing misfortune in my face.
Because this feeling isn’t mine to keep, but now I know what bliss is.
Am I supposed to be grateful I was given the opportunity to experience real sensuality, or should I be devastated that I’ll never have it again?
Unable to tolerate the burden any longer, I cry out and cover my face with both my hands. Talent immediately scoops me off the couch and carries me back to the bedroom in his arms. I soak his skin in agony, holding on as close and as tight as I can—hoping it’s enough when fate returns to collect me.
“Lydia,” he whispers in a tone lined thick in concern.
Talent lays me down on the bed, looking back at the door as if he might leave me to close it.
“No,” I say like he said to me when he started this. I grab at his wrists, his shoulders, and around his neck. “Stay with me. Don’t go. Don’t go.”
Not yet.
The sun isn’t up.
He shakes his head and lowers his weight onto me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Seizing his mouth with mine, he tastes like my sex and my tears, both of which are still hot and wet for him. I welcome him back into my body, not with an agreement that this is solely contractual like everyone else who touches me, but because I might be losing my mind and I want to draw out every second of this madness while I can.
It’s a sweet torture.
Let it haunt me.
Talent laces his fingers between mine and rests our hands beside my head. He strokes deeply into me and says, “I won’t let you go, Lydia.”
He’s so sure, I almost believe him.
Almost.
Talent owns two cars. A black two-door BMW he drives around town, and the most obnoxious white Lamborghini Huracẚn I’ve ever laid eyes on. The car is so contagiously sleek and sexy, even I feel beautiful in yesterday’s Sunday leggings and olive-green shirt. It’s a thrill to stand beside it, and my heartbeat accelerates as I admire the sharp lines and crisp luxury design.
“Which one should we take?” Talent asks. He stands behind me and circles his arms around my chest, holding me against his body.
“The white one.”
After clicking a button on the key fob, the Lamborghini growls and rumbles to life, vibrating the ground we stand on. An electric swell of excitement enters my body through the bottom of my feet and ripples through me like a wave. I can’t help but smile.
The headlights illuminate the shadowy parking garage in clean white light. Talent opens the vertical passenger door, and he holds my hand until I fall into a seat that feels like it was custom made to suit the form of my body. The evocative earthy aroma of pure leather mixed with the slightest hint of Talent reaches my nose and then my tongue. I sit back and close my eyes, memorizing how it makes me feel in case I never have the opportunity to ride in a car as beautiful as this one again.