My brother didn’t drive to LA to kick my ass.
He drove to LA because he loves me.
Beth doesn’t have that. She was alone in that nest of vipers. She saved herself. I should have at least been there, fighting by her side.
In the space of seconds, my stomach feels like it broken free of what holds it in place in body and my heart is pounding.
I think I’m going to be sick.
She’s been on her own for months. I wonder if she feels alone. She doesn’t know that I’d still move mountains for her. Whatever we can’t be to each other, I can at least be her fucking friend. My heart lurches into my throat.
“Jack, I need to find her,” I say suddenly, sitting up straight.
“Dude, I don’t think that’s a good idea, right now.” He says, and his eyes grow wary.
“Why not?” I ask, my hackles rising at the recrimination his is voice.
“Because you were fucking her and she’s your sister. You haven’t dated anyone since her, right?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” I narrow my eyes at him and watch him intently, as he starts to squirm.
He rubs the back of his neck and looks away, this time not in anger, but to the discomfort in his eyes.
“See, this is why I didn’t tell you. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I knew you’d make that fucking face. Like there was something wrong with the way I feel about her.”
His rears back like I slapped him. His discomfort is replaced by incredulity.
Just like that, the small peace we’d started building, cracks.
“There is something wrong with it, Carter. But I don’t think it’s your fault and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I know you care about her. But it’s illegal.” The recrimination is gone from his voice, but I find it preferable to the condescension that’s replaced it.
I sit up straight and look him in the eye.
“Not in New Jersey. Or Ohio.”
He leans away, blinking in surprise.“Carter, you can’t fuck your sister,” he says in a grave, scandalized voice.
I ignore his crass characterization. “I went to Texas thinking I wanted answers about my past. But what I was really looking for was reassurance. I wanted to find something good in my bloodlines. The only good I found was Beth. She was raised by him. I wasn’t. And yet, neither one of us are like him. I know DNA means nothing, except for the physical connection. And if I’m being completely honest, there’s a part of me that hopes…I don’t know… that she’ll change her mind. That she’ll decide she doesn’t care. Because I don’t. Jack. If she’d have me, I’d drop everything to be with her.”
His expression grows pained and he runs a hand over his suddenly pale face before he assesses with stark sorrow in his eyes.
“Cater, man. I’m so sorry,” he says with empathy that’s rare for him.
“Me, too. But she’s made it clear she only wants to be friends.”
“That letter was from her?”
“Yeah. But it doesn’t say how to reach her. Our tour starts next month and then I’ll be gone for another three. How will I find her?”
“You can ask Phil. He’s looking for you because he wants your help with something. He came to us because he said he couldn’t wait for you to get your head out of your ass and call him. Whatever it is, it’s time sensitive.”
Guilt at how my childish avoidance of Phil has cost us both precious time assails me. But I push it aside, I can self-flagellate later. Right now, I want to find out where Liz is and what we’re going to do about bringing justice to the two criminals walking free.
“I’ll call him.”
One side of his mouth lifts in his trademark smirk before he pulls his phone out.
“I’ll do you one better. I told him you’d be here at 8 pm. But, let me see if he’s free now.”
I surge to my feet in surprise and look around the room even though I know we’re alone.
“He’s here?” I ask, suddenly nervous at facing him properly for the first time since he came back into the picture.
“No, he’s in Austin. He couldn’t get away. But you should return his fucking call, C. He’s a decent guy who gives a shit about you and Beth. And he’s trying to bury those crazy assholes in Texas. He says he needs your help.”
Shame washes over me, but I know it’s pointless to give that any energy right now. I want to focus on what I’ll do from here out.
“I’ll call him tonight.”
He nods in approval. “Cool, and once you’re done with him, you can to talk to mom.”
I groan at the knot of apprehension that forms in my gut just imagining that conversation.
“Does she know all this already?” I ask, hoping they’ll say yes.
Jack’s head shake in the negative is completely unsympathetic. “Nope, that honor is going to be all yours. You owe her that conversation. And it should be face to face.”
My shoulders droop under the weight of my resignation, but I nod in agreement.
“I’ve got a couple of weeks left out here. I can’t bail. Not when we’re still doing so much promo for the launch.”
His eyebrows draw together as he fixes me with a menacing glare.
“As soon as you can. If Penn finds out from anyone but you, it’ll devastate her. And then I’ll have to devastate you.”
I roll my eyes, dismissing his threat.
“Don’t act like you forgot how I used to kick your ass, Carter,” he punches my shoulder.
“Yeah, when I was a scrawny 6’2 and 150 pounds.”
He leans in and wraps his arm around my neck in a choke hold. “Just cause you’ve got some weight on you doesn’t mean I can’t still take you.”
He’s been 6’4 and built since he was thirteen and he’s always used his size to his advantage. My mother joked that his rough housing was how he expressed his love. The tension between us has fallen away as quickly as it came.
So today instead of being annoyed that he’s giving me Noogie, I’m nearly dizzy with relief.
The Free Beth
BETH
“I don’t know if I should even bother, they’re never going to let me into the program,” Porsha my roommate laments and I stifle my sigh of impatience.
We’ve been having this conversation since we moved in together two months ago. I’ve been biting back my sighs since day one. I keep reminding myself that she’s got a lot on her plate.
Given her family circumstances, getting her to believe in her own promise is going to be as difficult as it was for me to believe in mine. I know how valid and entrenched those feelings are for her.
“I get it, totally. What if you get in and you can’t find the money? What if you get in and you flunk out? What if you get in and everyone hates you?”
“Exactly.” She waves her hand in a flourish and her face crumbles with misery. “It would kill me to get that close, to actually have that moment and then to lose it. All my hard work, all the sacrifices I’ve made, they’d be for nothing.”
I shake my head.