“I happy. Uh-huh,” she says and reaches out for me with one plump arm.
I glance at Phil and find him watching with me an intensity that makes me feel like he can see straight into my head. He’s not letting up because he knows I don’t want to do this. He can tell, even though I’ve put on a meticulous and disciplined show of being the perfect town princess.
Even Dina seems to think that this is what I want, and she’s stopped trying to talk me out of it.
But, he isn’t giving up because he knows somehow, that this is not what I would choose.
Cameron’s arm slides around my neck and Phil’s wraps around my back and they pull me into a hug. I stiffen in surprise, for a second, I haven’t had a group hug like this since we were all here together…and I’d forgotten how good it feels to be part of a unit like this. We’re all Drew Wolfe’s children. And we’re the only people on earth who understand what that means. And it’s nice to be able to put my arms around them. I wish our parents weren’t such losers. And that we’d had a chance to get to know each other and really be a family.
I lean into their embrace and savor this feeling..
“Let me help you,” Phil whispers in my ear, shattering my tranquility so abruptly that my emergency walls go up before those words find their way into my head.
I’ve been fine, committed, pragmatic, and focused. But today, on the day where I actually have to do this thing, I’m weak.
Phil is on a mission. He could convince me and then, where would I be?
The wave of panic I beat back in the bathroom sticks its thumb out to test the wind.
I pull out of the hug as casually as I can and act as if I didn’t hear Phil and smile at them both.
“You need to get Cam a snack, remember?” I chide him somehow managing to speak through my emotion clogged throat.
“Come inside with us,” Phil’s tone has softened and I give him a narrow eyed glance.
“Why? Have you got kidnappers standing by?” I ask, only half kidding.
His doesn’t smile. Instead, he gives me a slow once over.
Self-conscious and offended, I reach up to smooth the french twist that’s holding my hair. “It’s rude to stare, Phil. Don’t teach Cam all your bad habits,” I scold.
“You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen, and if you want to do this, really want to, for whatever reason, I’ll support you,” he says, his voice no longer mocking and look back to find his eyes full of what looks a lot like resignation.
This is what I’ve been hoping he would say. So, why does hearing it make my soul shudder? The smile I give him is stiff, but it’s the best I can do when my insides feel like they’re turning to water.
“Thank you, Phil,” I say.
“Does your face hurt from forcing yourself to smile when you’re dying on the inside?” he asks with compassion savage enough to swallow my composure in one bite.
My smile, the one I was wearing for Cameron’s sake, falls away.
“Fuck you,” I mouth, press a kiss to the top of Cam’s head and turn to walk inside.
“Liz, wait,” he calls out after me but I don’t stop until I’m inside. I press my forehead to the cool glass pane of the door and find myself struggling to pull my breath into my lungs.
“I’ve been looking for you.” Serene’s soft voice is urgent and puts a hand on my shoulder. I blink to clear the emotion from my eyes and force my lips to curve upward before I turn to face her.
Her expression is neutral and she smiles, but I can see the sympathy in her gaze. I wish everyone would stop acting like this is a funeral.
But if it’s not a funeral, what is it?
I force away that traitorous thought. I’ve made my choice.
I don’t care what they think.
“What did you need?” I ask her in a brisk voice.
“Where’s Phil?” she asks, instead of answering my question.
“Phil?” I ask, confused that she’d be looking for him.
“Right here, I’ll walk her in.” Phil strolls up, Cameron clinging to him still and puts an arm around my shoulder.
“I don’t need anyone to walk me.” I try to pull free, but he holds on tight.
Serene smiles at him, like she didn’t hear me.
“Let me take Cameron, then,” she reaches out and peels a whining Cam out of Phil’s arms.
Serene blows a raspberry on her cheek and before they turn the corner toward the kitchen, Cam is giggling again.
“What’s going on?” I demand.
“Wheels are in motion,” Phil’s cryptic response makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“What does that mean?”
“Come on.” He grins and grabs my arm and starts walking me down the wide hallway that leads to the family’s library.
“Where are we going?” I try to dig my heels in and stop him. But, he’s got more than a hundred pounds on me and my efforts are useless.
“This will only take a minute.” He says tersely as we enter the wing of the house where guests have been staying.
“What’s so important that it can’t wait?” I demand and he finally comes to a stop and looks down at me.
“You are. You can’t make this decision based on a lie,” he says. The dam holding back the raging river of emotion inside of me starts to crack. Bitter resentment claws its way up my throat.
“My entire existence is a lie, Phil. What’s one more log on the fire?” My voice breaks and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.
His expression goes from censorious to tormented. “I know I let you down. But, I won’t again, I swear,” he whispers. He pulls back the cuff of his shirtsleeves and shows me the tiny tattoo on his wrist. “Live Free Or Die Trying.”
“It’s beautiful,” I say, and run my fingers over the precious words.
“This is what you want, right?” he asks.
I nod, I can’t lie about this.
“See? I know you — blood of my blood. That’s all you want. Come on. You need to know who you’re really marrying.” He starts to pull me down the hall, again.
“Phil, I know he’s with someone,” I call, digging my heels in again.
He stops so suddenly that I stumble.
“Who’s with someone?” His eyes are narrowed with confusion.
I blow out an exasperated breath.“Duke, you’re taking me to bust in on his little hook up, right?”
His eyes narrow, the glint in them gone and replaced by a cold anger. “He’s with someone right now? On your fucking wedding day?” He asks, his voice has dropped to a growl.
“It’s fine. I don’t care. I just want to get this over with and go home,” I say between gritted teeth.
He puts his hands on my shoulders and bends a little so we’re eye to eye.
“That devil has made hell feel like home. But, it’s not. This is not home. Not for either of us.”
“Then why are you still here, Phil? Why aren’t you swimming with turtles or whatever,” I say with deliberate disdain.
He doesn’t even blink.
“I’m here for you and for Cam. I want to help. Let me, please.” He makes it sound so simple.