“I know.”
“Will you…” he pauses, clearing his throat a little before he continues. “Will you tell me what happened that night?”
Without spelling it out, we both know what night he’s talking about. It’s a night I’ve tried so fucking hard to wipe from my memory, but a night that never seems to fade, no matter how many miles or how much time I put between it and now.
“You really want to know?” I ask, my voice weirdly calm.
Reid’s hand lands on my shoulder again, the two of us still walking as he squeezes once and whispers, “Yeah.”
My eyes close briefly as I take a deep breath and try to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to talk about the night my best friend’s dad came over and nearly killed me. It’s not just something I want to forget. It’s something I don’t want to burden Reid with either. It’s too much and I know that no matter what’s happened since, no matter the choices Reid has already made, hearing this will not be a good thing for him.
“Caleb,” he prompts, my name barely audible.
Exhaling slowly and with my eyes firmly fixed in front of me, I say, “It happened the night before you guys got back. I’d finished late at the bar and when I walked outside to my car, I’d expected to see one of your dad’s guys waiting for me.” I sound like a robot, as though I’m recounting someone else’s story.
“They did that?” Reid’s question is so quiet I barely hear it.
“Yeah,” I nod. “They’d started about six months before. They never did anything, just casually reminded me of the payment system my dad was failing to meet. After he died, things got a little more threatening, but it was never physical. Not then anyway.”
I pause, taking another deep breath as I feel my heart rate start to pick up, thumping steadily beneath my ribcage, even as my chest starts to feel tight. My skin feels clammy and I unzip my hoodie to let in the cool night air.
“But that night, no one was waiting for me. I didn’t know why. I still hadn’t paid. We didn’t have the money. Deep down, I knew it was too good to be true to think they’d decided to let it go. I mean, I’d heard the rumors and everything.”
Reid glances over at me but says nothing this time. I don’t bother elaborating, because there’s no point. I mean all three of us always knew Reid’s dad was a bit sketchy, we just never realized how bad it was. At least Reid and Sie hadn’t.
“When I got home,” I continue, as we turn off the main street and into the quieter residential streets. I realize Reid has been walking the long way back, giving me space and time to answer his question. “I knew something wasn’t right, didn’t feel right. The house was in darkness, which was nothing new, I mean I could barely afford the electricity bill. But I always left the front light on, you know…in case,” I add, glancing over at Reid.
He opens his mouth as though to say something, but it’s too late now and I keep talking.
“When I got out of the car, the night, the whole street was so eerily quiet, my footsteps up to the house sounded so loud. I remember holding my phone up to the lock so I could get my key in and seeing the text message you’d sent with a picture of Sie holding a guitar and laughing. She was so fucking happy, which made me smile, made me so glad you were doing that for her.”
“Shit,” Reid whispers and I can hear the pain in his voice now. I know he feels like shit about the fact they were off having fun while all of this was happening to me.
“It was his voice that shocked me the most,” I continue. “It was so fucking cold, so calm. I remember freezing in the doorway, unable to move. I could feel him standing behind me as he told me just how much money I owed him and exactly what my punishment would be if I didn’t pay it back. How he reminded me of what had happened to Dad…the obvious implication behind that.”
Reid finally stops, turning to face me with a look that can only be described as anguish on his face. “Caleb, you don’t have to—”
“I know,” I tell him, with a small smile, because I know he means it. “The funny thing is, the beating didn’t actually hurt that much. Well I mean, it did, but not as much as the realization of what was happening did. Of the fact that my best friend’s dad, a man who’s house I’d practically grown up in, could do this.”
“You didn’t deserve that, Caleb,” Reid says, shaking his head. “You didn’t—”
“Neither do you,” I say, cutting him off.
“This isn’t—”
“That’s what hurt most of all,” I continue, cutting him off again. “That this wasn’t just done to me, it was done to you, too. He was doing this to both of us.”
“Fuck, Caleb,” Reid breathes out, stepping closer as he throws his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him. We stand in a half embrace on the sidewalk, neither of us speaking. I can practically feel the anger radiating off him, the hard beat of his heart, echoing through the space between us.
“I wish I could’ve done something to stop this,” he whispers, his voice low, his grip tightening around my shoulders as I try to move away from him. “I wish I had done something sooner so none of this ever happened in the first place.”
“It’s not your fault and you did do something, remember? You ended it.”
Reid nods once before pulling back, his hand on my shoulder. “I know he never gave a shit about this,” he says, his hard gaze holding mine, telling me what he’s referring to. “But I do. And I will never, ever do anything like that.”
“I know you won’t.”
“You and Sie are my family, Caleb,” he continues as though he hasn’t even heard me. “You always will be.”
“I know, Reid,” I whisper as he pulls me into another quick hug.
This time I wrap my free arm around his shoulder, trying to tell him that I understand, that I know, and I believe him. He practically sags against me, as though he’s carrying the full weight of everything his father has done to us and it’s killing him.
“They’re probably wondering where we are,” I finally say, trying to lighten the mood a little. Reid’s anguish hangs heavy over the two of us, reminding me of exactly why I didn’t want to tell him this shit. It’s too much for him to carry. And it’s not fair that he should have to.
We finally reach the house, the lights coming from inside a reminder of everything we both have waiting for us. I want to tell Reid not to tell Sie about any of this, but before I get a chance to, I see a dark shadow by the back door.
“What the fuck?” I half shout, picking up the pace as I quietly jog around to the side of the house that backs onto the alleyway.
“Caleb?” Reid whisper-shouts from behind me.
As I get closer, I see a man in the shadows and before I even realize what I’m doing, I’ve got him bailed up against the side of the house, my arm under his chin as I spit out, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
And then everything comes crashing down.
Hard.
My heart is pounding inside my chest, my body covered in sweat as I’m instantly overcome with a sense of déjà vu.