However, Harley seemed less bothered. He was thinking about it, I could tell. It was clear in the way he kept looking at me and then looking away before his gray eyes met mine. It was in the tightness of his muscles and the way he drummed his fingers on his thigh. Regardless, he managed to close his eyes after a few minutes on the road and lay his head back as though we hadn’t sucked each other off in front of a cheering audience only a few hours ago.
I considered whether it was possible we were both in shock. Logically, we should be yelling at each other or vomiting our shame and regret into the bushes on the side of the road. There should be horror, finger-pointing, harsh words that would sting and linger for months, and awkwardness that would go on for years.
But no. There was none of that.
Yet.
The farther I drove, the more relaxed Harley seemed. In fact, by the time I pulled up in front of his building, he was fast asleep.
I shook his shoulder, bracing for the onslaught of the storm that would surely rage when he was more coherent.
“We’re here.”
Harley stirred and stretched with a groan before his whole body was racked by a jaw-creaking yawn. He looked around, blinked away his sleep haze, then slapped my shoulder. “Thanks for driving. I’m gonna be feeling this hangover until Monday. I know it. Anyhow, my bed’s calling. Later, man.”
It took a second for my mind to catch up. I wasn’t registering his complete nonchalance. Before he slammed the door behind him, I called, “Wait! Harley. Are you just…? What the hell?”
He peered back into the car, the consequences of a crazy night of partying clear on his face and in his rumpled clothing. As for disgust or regret, I saw none. “What?”
“Don’t you think we should talk about this? I mean, I know you were drunk and high and whatever, and I was drunk, but… Harley?!” I shook my head, trying to rattle the pieces into place.
He looked legitimately confused. “What’s there to talk about?”
Was he serious?
“What’s there to…? Are you for real?” I completed a quick scan of the street to ensure no listening ears were nearby. “Harley we…” I swung a finger between us, unable to say the words.
Harley shrugged and yawned again. “Yeah, so? It’s no big deal. Don’t go freaking out about it. Who cares? It happened. It was a fun night. Now let me go crash. I’m so fucking tired and hungover right now.”
He slammed the door and stumbled toward his building as he dug his keys from his pocket.
For ten minutes, I sat with my jaw hanging open, wondering if Harley didn’t remember our encounter with the same clarity. How could he brush it off like it was nothing?
The drive to my dorm felt like an out-of-body experience. I showered, brushed my teeth, and crawled into my cozy bed, the whole time wondering if I was the one not remembering the night correctly. Maybe I could sleep it off. Maybe when I woke up later, I’d see the error of my ways.
I had tests coming up and papers due. There was a mountain of homework I was supposed to take care of this weekend, but I couldn’t think about it right now.
Maybe sleep would give me perspective.
* * *
Sleep did not give me perspective.
I woke in a cold sweat, panicking, but with a much clearer head. Fumbling to get dressed, I knocked into the wall, and my bedside lamp crashed to the floor. I dropped the cordless phone three times as I tried to call my brother and put socks on at the same time. He didn’t answer, so I left multiple messages. Then I got tangled in the blankets that had fallen off the bed and fell into my desk, sending my chair to the ground. When I righted the chair, I knocked a few textbooks over, which clattered against the small garbage pail, causing it to spill.
So much for a stealthy exit.
My roommate, who was sleeping, mumbled a string of curses and stuck his head under his pillow. He’d probably overindulged last night as well and was hungover and pissy. I was usually the quiet and organized one between the two of us. Chris was the loud and messy one. I didn’t apologize, figuring he deserved my clumsy, noisy escape for all the times he’d disrupted my sleep in the past.
Dressed and with my hair nothing more than finger-combed, I darted out the door and headed directly to Harley’s dorm room. It was long past midday on a Saturday. He hadn’t answered his phone, but if he wasn’t awake yet, he could damn well get over it. We needed to talk. Properly.
It turned out, Harley must have received my frenzied messages. I’d barely knocked when he yanked the door open and tugged me inside.
“God, you’re going to make this a thing, and it’s not a thing. Sit down.” He pointed at his unmade bed.
I glanced at the opposite side of the room, but his roommate’s bed was empty.
“Is Tate here?”
“No. I told him to fuck off for a little bit because you were coming over to have a meltdown, and he didn’t want to witness it.”
“I’m not here to have a melt—”
“Are you here because of last night?” Harley asked as he aimed for the bathroom and didn’t bother shutting the door.
He tugged himself out of his jogging pants and proceeded to piss while I was in direct view. Leave it to my brother. He didn’t possess a single fuck to give.
When I didn’t answer, and he called my name, “Denver?” I realized I was staring at him as he took a leak and darted my gaze away.
“Yes, I’m here about last night. Of course I’m here about last night.”
“See? Which only means one thing. You’re freaking out. I already told you to forget it.”
“How can you say that?” My voice rose an octave at his sheer indifference. “Do you even remember last night? Because I’m starting to think you might be missing parts.”
Harley gave himself a shake, tucked himself back into his pants, then washed his hands before coming back into the room. He was bare chested, his dark blond hair sticking out like he’d just woken up, and he wore the telltale smirk that reeked of familiar, Harley-style mischief.
“I remember every juicy detail of last night. Question. Where the fuck did you learn to suck dick like that?” He groaned and massaged himself through his joggers. When he dropped his hand, the outline of his semi was clear.
I shot my gaze elsewhere, my cheeks flaming at his question. Okay, so maybe he did remember everything.
“Look,” he continued before I could find my voice to protest. “We had fun. That’s all there is to it. Was it unconventional? Fucking-A. But those people loved every delicious second of the show we gave them. That was epic, man. I swear, no one has ever been as bold as we were. We’re gonna be the talk of campus.”
A surge of adrenaline flooded my veins, and I straightened my spine. “That’s not a good thing, Harley!”
“Who cares?” Harley threw his hands up. “Most people will think it’s bogus. They won’t believe it. If they do, they’ll spend weeks, maybe months, wondering what it would have been like to have had front row seats to our little show.”
I couldn’t sit still anymore. How was he passing this off as no big deal? I jumped off the bed. “Harley, we did stuff we shouldn’t have done. Stuff two brothers shouldn’t share. How are you just brushing it off?”