She nodded, already skating away while Allie was just ahead of her and showing her how to do turns. Escaping the rink was easier than it might’ve been on a busier day. I slipped my skates off as soon as I could, stashed them at our table, and fled outside with only socks on my feet.
Just breathe, Laurie. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. In and out. Just breathe.
I repeated the mantra over and over again. Tears blurred my vision, and I hid my face when they started falling just as I sat down on one of the benches outside the rink. Covering my face with my hands, I let my head hang forward to use my shoulders as a shield from behind.
I wasn’t sure if Katie would be able to see me here if she happened to glance out the window, but if she did, I really didn’t want her to see me crying. The noise of a throat clearing a few feet away made me freeze before I spread my fingers just a little to peek out between them.
Jacob stood in front of me with a concerned expression on his face and worry burning in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
I gave my head a quick shake before closing my fingers again. “I just need a minute.”
“Did I do something wrong or hurt your feelings? I was only joking when I said you sucked.”
A surprised chuckle came out of me that quickly turned into a sob I tried to hold back. “It’s not that. You’re not the reason I went running the other way this time.”
“This time, huh?” he asked quietly, his voice strangely hoarse. “We’ll talk about the other times in a little bit. If it wasn’t me, do you want to tell me why you just about ran out of there like your ass was on fire to come cry in the parking lot?”
“I just miss my sister,” I admitted.
There was no reason to hide what had made me break down from him. I wasn’t afraid of looking weak. I, for one, was a huge believer that talking and crying it out made people strong instead of weak.
It still didn’t mean I wanted to share my thoughts and problems with everyone I met, but Jacob was hardly just some random stranger anymore. He knew about Katherine now, and maybe talking to him about her would help me get control of myself faster.
“Sometimes, the grief just creeps up on me,” I said when I heard clothing rustle and then felt him sitting down. He wasn’t so close that we were touching, but I could still feel him there beside me. “I’ve never really allowed myself to break down after she died. I have these bouts of being very emotional, but I’m forever fighting them back. I have to stay strong for Katie, and crying in front of her has never seemed fair.”
I didn’t lift my face out of my hands, but I knew he was listening, even if he didn’t interrupt. It was almost like a sixth sense. Sight, smell, taste, sound, touch, and Jacob.
Or maybe it wasn’t a sense. Maybe it was just that I knew him well enough by now to know he wouldn’t just have walked away after I started opening up.
“Every now and then, all those emotions just overwhelm me and catch me off guard. It’s been happening more often recently. Almost like everything is coming to a head. Can you see the girls? We can’t just sit out here and leave them alone.”
“I can see them.” His tone was soothing, and so was his hand when he rested it between my shoulder blades and started rubbing gently. “I can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose someone that close to you that you grew up with. I wish there was something I could do to help.”
“You’re helping now,” I said honestly. “Thanks for following me out. I’m sorry for ruining the afternoon. I’ll be back inside in a minute.”
“I can leave you in peace for that minute if you want, but you haven’t ruined the afternoon at all. The girls are still having a ball. If you want, I can stay out here with you and you can let it out. I won’t tell a soul.”
His earnest offer surprised me, but not as much as the relief that rolled through me when I answered. “That would be good. If you don’t mind.”
The tears started coming harder and faster. Jacob didn’t reply in words. Instead, he wound his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his side, shielding me from prying eyes while at the same time offering me the kind of comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Chapter 22
Jacob
It was dark outside when we finished up at the rink. Laurie’s eyes were pink and puffy from crying, but the girls didn’t notice.
They were too high on the exhilaration of the day, giggling and talking about how soon they wanted to come back. We returned our skates before heading out, the girls had their arms still linked while Laurie and I walked out behind them.
“I guess we should be heading home,” I suggested. Laurie would probably appreciate some peace and quiet and some time to gather her thoughts.
She looked up at me, pursing her lips and moving them from side to side. “How about we go out for a bite to eat instead? I don’t know about you, but I really don’t feel like making dinner, and those pizza slices weren’t very filling.”
“You’re telling me. I’ve been starving half the afternoon.”
She was on the same side of me as she had been earlier, and my arm itched to wind its way around her again. To press her back into that hollow she’d warmed that had gotten cold again once I’d let go of her.
It’d felt shockingly good to have her that close to me, fitted to my side like we were two pieces of a puzzle that had finally been connected.
I kept my hands to myself and my arms by my side but not because I wanted to. She’d been in a vulnerable state when we talked, and while I didn’t think she’d necessarily push me away if I put my arm around her, I didn’t want to take advantage of the emotional tenderness she had to be feeling.
When she smiled though, I seriously reconsidered my position about the whole thing. Her eyes were still open and unguarded, and her smile was warm and genuine.
“There’s a place nearby that Katie and I love. We used to go there all the time before we moved before school started.”
I agreed happily. “Sounds good. Just point me in the right direction.”
Allie couldn’t stop grinning all the way to a charming little restaurant that was off the beaten path, telling me all about how much fun skating had been as if I hadn’t been there at all. I didn’t mind it, though. I loved seeing her this filled with pure, absolute joy.
We found parking down the street and walked to the restaurant together. I wasn’t even bothered by the fact that anyone passing by would probably assume we were a family going out for something to eat together.
In fact, I liked it a lot more than I wanted to admit.
The restaurant served good old-fashioned homestyle food, and it smelled so good that my mouth watered from the second we walked in. The small round tables were covered in differently patterned tablecloths, with candles and condiments in the center.
Katie immediately launched into an explanation to Allie about her favorite things on the menu while Laurie sipped on a glass of red wine. She looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen her, smiling as she greeted the waitress like an old friend and ordered some appetizers for us to share.
“I’m sorry,” she said out of nowhere once the waitress was gone.