Spending a week here is just what we need. An escape from all the crazy, some privacy and time to ourselves.
After breakfast, Axton bundles Caden up and takes him outside to play in the snow. He invites me to join them, but I’m not in any mood for it. I climb the stairs to the loft and curl up on the end of the couch, watching the snow fall. Paige’s actions are still weighing on me, and I can’t stop tossing it around in my head.
Paige and I met in high school. She was the bubbly blond that was just crazy enough to be fun without being a drama magnet. I was the morose teenager just plodding through until I could escape. We were very different, but we clicked.
We had a small group of friends, that changed as people dropped in and out of it over the years, but we stuck together. She was there when Mom died, through college, as we found jobs and started pretending to be responsible adults. She was never the most stable person, always hopping from job to job, which is one reason I thought she wouldn’t be too devastated when she lost the nanny agency position. I should’ve thought more about her situation.
I’m aware that I didn’t ask her to stick her neck out like that for me, but that’s the point. I didn’t have to ask. She risked her job to make sure I had something I desperately wanted. A family. Even after being questioned by the cops for her part in hiring me, she offered to let me stay with her, and gave me a spare phone. It wasn’t long after I left that she started avoiding my calls and blocking me, but I could’ve tried harder to see what was going on.
I can’t reconcile that person with someone who would run to the media and implode my life when things just started to calm down. It just doesn’t make sense.
I’m under orders from Axton, Milo, and Dani not to contact her and not to talk to her if she tries to contact me—not that I think she would.
It’s something I have to accept, I guess, that the longest and most real friendship of my life is over. Letting it go without talking to her, without closure is hard. I know Axton and everyone probably expect me to be angry, but I can’t manage it. I just feel heavy and tired and resigned.
Dad left. Mom couldn’t be bothered with me after he did. None of the relationships I’ve been in ever led to love. Axton just fucks me, and he said himself it’s just a lack of self-control. My oldest friend screwed me over in the worst way possible. Maybe all of that says something about me, about who I am.
Maybe I can’t be loved.
Fuck, now I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
Caden loves me. That sweet little boy loves me, and I love him more than anything. I have that, and I’m not too dense to know it’s more than some people get. Before Axton, I didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. That’s probably an experience everyone isn’t gifted with as well. It sucks it had to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same, but I’m still thankful for it.
When I take a second to step away from my self-pity, I realize there’s a lot to be grateful for, and I need to focus on that, the way I’ve always tried to.
Caden’s shrieks of delight reach my ears, and I decide I’m going to make the most of this week. Who knows what’s coming next? Right now, there’s a little boy who is probably dying to throw snow at me, and an infuriating rock star I wouldn’t mind pelting with a snowball.
Caden adores the snow. He’d stay out here and turn into a little popsicle if we’d let him. Bundled up in our coats, hats, and scarves, we aren’t instantly recognizable and the people we do run into don’t give us a second look. It’s a great feeling to just be able to play with Caden outside without feeling eyes on us all the time. Granted, there’s security close by, but it’s one guy who isn’t obvious about it.
Despite the new drama with Paige, this is the best day I’ve had in a long time. The lodge provides plastic sleds and inflatable snow tubes, and for the last few minutes, Axton has been pulling Caden on a sled while I build a small snowman. It’s not much bigger than Caden and my plan is to get a picture of it with him.
When they start back toward me, I turn my phone to record them. Axton’s cheeks are as bright as his boy’s and they both have identical smiles. The two of them together tug at my heart like nothing else.
I keep recording as Caden runs toward me. He falls face down in the snow, pops up and keeps going. “Nay-mi!” The pure joy on his face is something to see.
“Nay-mi made you a snowman,” I announce, and he pauses a few feet away from it. “We can find something to give him eyes and a nose and—”
His joyful squeal interrupts me and is quickly followed by Axton’s laughter as Caden tackles the snowman, knocking it to pieces. I probably should’ve seen that coming. “What are you laughing at?” I taunt Axton and manage to ping him right in the head with a snowball.
In a second, he’s on his feet and I have no chance to outrun him. Caden sits in the pile that used to be my snowman and giggles hysterically while he watches Axton chase me around in circles. When he catches me, a handful of snow is stuffed down my shirt.
When I try to retaliate, Axton picks Caden up and holds him in front of him like a shield, moving him back and forth.
“Really? Hiding behind the baby?” I can barely get the words out through my own laughter at Caden’s response.
“Down!” His feet run in the air cartoon style until Axton finally sets him down.
Caden barrels at me and tosses a handful of snow on my leg. “You got me!” I cry and scoop him up. His little arms go around my neck and he hiccups in my ear from laughing so much. “Are you hungry? You want to eat?”
“Eat,” he agrees, and Axton grabs the rope to the sled.
“Get on, I’ll pull you back to the cabin.”
Caden sits happily in my lap on the ride back to our cabin, and after some dry clothes and a hot lunch, he falls asleep on the rug playing with a stuffed dog. Axton moves him to the playpen. After all that exertion, he’ll be knocked out for a while.
Axton sits on a loveseat near the fireplace and I sit beside him for a few minutes, watching the flames. He lays his hand on my leg, and it’s everything I can do to get up. “I’m going to read for a while.”
Dani and the rest of the crew will be showing up around dinner time tonight so I want to take advantage of the few hours of quiet I can get. Since we were going to a winter climate, I didn’t think of packing a swimsuit, but I’m not going to let that stop me from trying out the hot tub. A pair of shorts and a sports bra will have to do.
Axton walks in just as I’m stepping into the hot water with a book in my hand. His gaze strips me naked, rolling down my body and back up. His tongue darts out to lick his lips when green eyes land on mine.
“I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”
One side of his mouth rises into a wry smile. “It’s just the two of us. No need to cover up.”
“Fuck off,” I scoff, and sink into the water. “Dani just texted me. The plane lands at four. Everyone is meeting for dinner at the lodge at seven.”
“I know.” He loiters by the tub, smirking down at me. “Like I said, we’re alone.”
“Yeah, gives me an idea.”
His eyebrows raise, and he steps closer. Every inch of me wants him to strip, get in this hot tub and fuck my brains out, but I’m not doing it. If I do, I’ll just feel all emotional after and I really need a break from the turmoil.